Well, I've never posted anything like this before on here, but I feel as I've been around here, on and off for a few years now, I now feel comfortable with getting this out in the open.
For the last five years or so, I've suffered with depression of varying degrees of seriousness from mild to moderate, but I have just been diagnosed today with severe depression and have been put back on the medication (Fluoxetine) that I was originally taking three years ago.
The medication did help the first time around, mainly with feelings of extreme anxiety. It also helped with the feelings of uslessness and sadness, but after six months I felt as though I was getting better, so I came of the meds. that lasted for about a year, then I went back on to it fortwo months, but again stopped when I thought I was better. I also had some councelling at the time, which helped my with my anxiety.
So, about a year and a half on from that now and I am all over the place. Depression, anxiety, emptiness, mood swings, infact I fell so messed up that I wouldn't know where to start in describing how I feel. I feel so anxious about going to work, even though I have one of the easiest jobs you coukld wish for ( I work nights, which is really quiet). I get bored at work very easily.
I have very great difficulties in concentrating on anything for very long and also find it hard to stick at things for any length of time. I have been told by various people that I am very intelligent and I suppose I do have a way with "getting to grips" with difficult stuff or concepts.
I often seek quick fixes to make me happy, such as spending money (which we havn't got) on things, which make me feel better, for a short period of time.
The very, VERY worst thins is that I am nasty to my family some times. Not pyshically or vindictive, i just lose my temper and sometimes say things I don't mean or I am overly critical. That breaks my heart as I love my wife and my son so much and I dont want things to get worse and they leave me. My god, I wish I knew where to start.
I don't feel suicidle, I never have, but the feelings of despair sometimes are hard to bare.
Thanks for listening.
