[nok]

I miss my best friend so much. He was not just my best friend, he was also the only friend that I had. Many people don't want to be my friend and avoid me because they say that I'm fat, short and ugly. They say they're ashamed to be with me because I'm so ugly. Anyway, Larry wasn't like that. We met 5 years ago, through the internet. He found me on a Catholic Friendship website and e-mailed me, asking to be my friend. A few e-mails later, he asked to have dinner with me. I knew it was risky, meeting a complete stranger like that, but me being so lonely and everything, I decided to take that risk. It's a risk that I've never regretted.

He was the nicest, kindest, gentlest, most compassionate person that I've evr met in my entire life. He was very charming and never acted like he was ashamed to be with me. He never mentioned that I was ugly. He asked to see me again. We went sightseeing a week after our first meeting. He asked me out again. This time, we went to the movies. We became great friends.

He e-mailed me every day, called me up on the phone once a week to see how I was doing and sent me several cards on various holidays ( Christmas, Valentine's Day, my birthday, etc. ) . whenever I had a problem, he would always listent patiently and gave me great advice.

The friendship lasted for five years. It was the best 5 years of my life. For once in my life, I didn't feel like I was alone in this world. He was a loyal friend. His friendship was consistent.

January of this year, he asked me to marry him. We were supposed to get married next year, in February. I was so happy. Then, something happened. The doctors found a tumour on his pancreas. They operated on him. He recovered and went back home. A few days later, he was in severe pain and had to go back into the hospital. The doctors found a fluid buildup in his lungs and they didn't know where it was coming from. His urine was bright red. He had to be put on a respirator. He couldn't breathe very well on his own. He passed away on October 6, 2008. His death really shook me up.

I cried a lot and still feel very, very sad. Now, I feel like I am all alone in this world. He was my only friend. I haven't dreamed about him yet and I haven't received any signs or after death communications from him yet but I hope that he will come into my dreams soon. He left this world as my fiance. I will always miss him. I talk to him every day, not knowing whether he can hear me or not.