hey clair i not only know your pain i feel it
i lost my daughter Natasha to a hospital blunder
and my younger brothers Casey and Martin died too
my other daughter was taken from me to another country by her mother i had brought her up as a single dad till she was 5 i never saw her her again till she was 17 pain is all i have known but i really believe i would rather feel pain than the numbness
so you are trying to take your own life as you cant cope and your son cant cope
and just what will happen to your son when he is left alone not only alone but with a whole lot more grief and guilt to contend with
i often felt like ending things but the thought of heaping all that pain on my loved ones always stopped me
i suggest you try to help your son more and stop taking the easy way out for you but a very hard way left for your son
grief is all consuming and horrible to live with ,the death of a child even more so ,help your son ,try with everything you have because at the end of the day he is all you have and you are all he has