[koan]

I have a huge problem with people implying that they would readily point a gun at another person. It causes me grief.

When I was 18 I left an abusive man. I was in a rather devastated state. He'd taken more from me than a few years of my life and I'd willingly left behind everything but the clothes I could fit in suitcase. What he took from me was my dignity, my self respect and my enjoyment of life. I wanted to buy a gun.

I thought it out. I would buy a gun. I would register with a gun club. I would learn how to shoot it. If the bloke ever showed up at my door I would shoot first and ask questions later. I was considering murder. I didn't buy the gun.

If I had, I believe that instead of letting go of my anger and healing I would have put all my anger into the gun and stored it there for later use. It is the only time I've ever thought myself capable of pointing a gun at another human being and I thank God I didn't buy one.

I've been set against guns ever since.
If people want to brag about owning guns and like to hunt that is their business. If people like to brag about being capable of taking another human life, that is everyone's business.
This is the first time I've ever told anyone this story.
It terrifies me.