[along-for-the-ride]

Here's a hug for you, HannahsMommie.
Are you expecting again? If you are, just get a check-up and take care of yourself. I would bet that you did nothing wrong before, so don't blame yourself. Guilt is just one fo the feelings of mourning. I've been there.

My first son died of meningitis when he was only four months old. He was perfectly healthy, until he got that virus. During the few days of his illnes, my husband was away on military duty and I was alone in a foreign country. I carried him to the doctor and did what I was told to do for the baby, but this did not help. I had never felt so alone in my life. After his death, I did feel the grief and the deep sorrow. During those months after his death, sometimes people who ask if I have any children. I would answer, "Yes. I did have a son, but he passed away." I said this not for sympathy, but because it just didn't seem fair to my son to say he did not exist. He did exist, for four months. I held him, fed him, changed him, bathed him, sang to him. I have since been blessed with three more children, who are all grown now.
My first son, Darren, would have been 36 this December. He will always hold a special place in my heart. He is my angel.