hoppy
I'm terribly sorry to hear about your loss. Yes, it does make us face our own mortality.
You ask some very important questions that deserve to be answered as best as any human can.
Actually Christians do not generally pray to Jesus. We pray to the divine or God if you wish. We have been told that we can pray in Jesus name but the prayer is to God. You do not need to use the name Jesus if you do not care to.
When we speak of the divine we are speaking of a power beyond our comprehension and our language ability. Our language is not up to the task of defining or describing God. We must resort to metaphor. That is all we have. The Holy Trinity is in fact a metaphor for that which we do not understand. It represents the three ways in which man has experienced God. They are the three manifestations of the one God, if you so believe.
Death and suffering are part of life. A few years ago I lost an aunt, uncle and my father within the space of 7 weeks. God has never promised us an easy ride of it. What he did promise was to be there when we need Him for comfort and guidance. I recently read about an 11 year old lad that was hung by the Nazis during the war. Being so young he was not very heavy and hung on the end of that rope for about half and hour, conscious most of the time, before he died. When asked, where was God then, a theologian replied suffering on the end of the rope with that lad and guiding him through. I believe this is true. When I lost the three members of my family it was God that saw me through. Find the poem "Footprints" and read it. I carry a copy in my wallet but can no longer read it due to my visual impairment. It is indeed, a source of comfort.
Folks misunderstand the statues etc. in churches. They are simply physical aids to help folks pray to God. We often ask friends to pray for us. Folks also ask the saints, in heaven if you so believe, to pray for them as well. There is no real difference.
Generally in life there are more questions than there are answers. Our task is to live the questions and trust in the divine. Trust in God is not about right belief but about a relationship with God.
May God bless you and may your friends rest in His perpetual light.
I do hope this helps. No, I do not have all the answers. No one does. But I do enjoy living the questions.
Shalom
Ted