Friendship Persuasions....

[swedeace]

It seems that I seem to make friendships with people who seem to always be busy and have no hang-out time. By this, I mean... Okay, I understand people are busy and everything with life, but it seems that I hardly get to see/talk with my friends or to hang out with them outside of certain environments. I have work friends, but we rarely do hang outside of our jobs. I recently made a friend from my job (he's a student), and we have also yet to hang outside of the school's environment. I've "hinted" a "we should hang out sometime" with an "okay" response, but nothing has been further yet. It depresses me how I seem to have to "pull teeth" just to get my work friends to hang out at a lunch outing or something. It seems so easy for other people to "do stuff" outside of our job and school. They make it look easy. I don't get it.... Why is it when I ask them, I have to ask them 100 times, and when others ask them, "bam!" They don't give second thought....

Is there a secret for this I don't know about?

[Peg]

Instead of "let's hang out sometime" try "I am going to ______. Wanna come?"

[swedeace]

Originally Posted by Peg

Instead of "let's hang out sometime" try "I am going to ______. Wanna come?"

Yeah, I guess you're right about it being as simple as that. I seem to think too hard of something before I ask my friends such a question in order to think of a certain place beforehand. I'll give it a shot. Thanks.

[Peg]

Good luck and let us know.

[swedeace]

Thanks, Peg. I will!

[swedeace]

Update:

Okay, I tried it, and it failed. Actually, I left a message on his cellphone's answering machine about two weeks ago.

Here's a little bit of history of this friendship...

I met this friend at my job this past mid-July 2004. I work at a community college's nine computer lab facility. He's a student who has taken computer classes.

I told him I was going to Sweden in about 1.5 weeks from that time, and he became wide-eyed and interested. He then told me he works in a photo lab and wanted to develop my photos upon returning. I returned and got my photos developed by him. He gave me a discount because there were so many of them, and I was touched. He didn't have to do that, but he did. There were times where he's hugged me as greetings. And he's told me he likes Ace of Base like I do and wanted me to make him a CD of their music, and I did. He loves that kind of music.... Cool!

The rest of the weeks, it was the college semester's, so I didn't get to see him around. At this point, we hadn't traded phone numbers but only kept in touch via email. I'd send an email and got a response but didn't get another reply after I'd reply. So I regarded it as "not enough time." However, does it really take that much teeth-pulling for a short other email? I would ask for his phone number various times so we can chat or hang out with no response.

In early September, I decided to just visit him at work again and took some more film to be developed, as an excuse to see him. I saw him, and he went up to me and gave me a huge hug and said, "Good to see you!" We talked a few minutes, and I found out he's taking classes in my building but were times where I either wasn't around or was in another building. He goes in early to do homework, so it's HIS time to work on homework. I finally asked him again for his number and gave it to me.

The next day I saw him around, and he gave me my developed photos and said they were "on the house." I insisted to pay but he refused to let me.

I've seen him around an adjacent computer lab (where I don't work in), and I have visited him several times while he was working on homework. I've asked him several times if he wanted to take a little break so we can chit-chat. We haven't been able to chit-chat in serious since that week before I went to Sweden on vacation, so I missed that. It was quite nice and natural. However, he said, "Oh, no thank you. I'm working on some homework." I guess I shouldn't have asked it in a question form but instead offer it as a treat, right? D'oh!

Now, he's said he'll call me back when I called him back when he was firends at a bar and nothing. He said he'll email me since last week and nothing. Is it my imagination, or is there very little effort put into this friendship? I think so...

A friend of mine told me it's a "guy thing." Who knows....

I failed to mention only one *tiny* detail throughout my story, but I purposely left it out. Whenever I have explained this situation to others while leaving the small detail in, their minds seem to skew and their views depend on this detail which isn't the foundation for my situational problem. Therefore, I'll just leave it out this time to get others' opinions in a neutral format.

So, can anyone provide insight or clues as to what may be happening? Or, has anyone experienced a similar situation? If so, how did you handle it?

[Suresh Gupta]

Originally Posted by swedeace

It seems that I seem to make friendships with people who seem to always be busy and have no hang-out time. By this, I mean... Okay, I understand people are busy and everything with life, but it seems that I hardly get to see/talk with my friends or to hang out with them outside of certain environments. I have work friends, but we rarely do hang outside of our jobs. I recently made a friend from my job (he's a student), and we have also yet to hang outside of the school's environment. I've "hinted" a "we should hang out sometime" with an "okay" response, but nothing has been further yet. It depresses me how I seem to have to "pull teeth" just to get my work friends to hang out at a lunch outing or something. It seems so easy for other people to "do stuff" outside of our job and school. They make it look easy. I don't get it.... Why is it when I ask them, I have to ask them 100 times, and when others ask them, "bam!" They don't give second thought.... Is there a secret for this I don't know about?

I have always felt and it has also been my experience that friendship is a natural phenomenon between any two people. It does not essentially come through persuation altough in some cases persuation may also be necessary . First people become acquanted with each other. Then they develop a liking for each others' company. Once this stage comes they start hanging outside their jobs. This 'liking each others' company' is most important.

You say that you have made a friend from your job, but are yet to hang out with him. He will come with you once that stage of liking each others' company is reached and he has spare time. You should not be confused and feel bad about it.

Has anybody approached you with a hint that he wants to hang out with you, and what has been your reaction?

[Bill Sikes]

I am assuming that you are of the female sex. Hm?

[Suresh Gupta]

Originally Posted by Bill Sikes

I am assuming that you are of the female sex. Hm?

Your assumption is not correct.

[Bill Sikes]

Sikes: I am assuming that you are of the female sex. Hm?

Originally Posted by Suresh Gupta

Your assumption is not correct.

I meant the OP, Swedeace - did you? Have I made a mistake with this infernally
clanky threading again??