Growing Up Late

How do you do it? Once you are a chronological adult, how do you do the developmental work that should have been completed in childhood or adolescence? Are there any books? I'm tired of hearing about parents who divorce and then start dating people a generation younger. I used to think this was middle age identity crisis, but maybe the divorce caused a trauma that wiped out earlier work and this has to be redone? Or maybe these divorcees never dated as young adults? I know that I missed out on a lot of developmental stages. Any ideas from anyone on how to catch up? Is there any way of doing this work besides trial and error and much embarrassment? I had no guidance regarding this and now I see that others have the same problem. I was born and raised in a religious cult that made sure I was submissive, did not permit me to date or to make friends inside or outside the group.