Just need to vent, and get feedback

[Marie5656]

First, I know this does not *exactly* go here, but it is far from "general chit chat" so here it is. As I have mentioned several times, I also belong to another forum for small animal owners, I have been there over two years, and am now one of the moderators. Like here, folks are much like extended family..even though most of us will never meet.
Here is where my vent starts. One of the ladies on that forum, one of the administrators, about my age has terminal cancer. She has recently taken a turn for the worse, and will probably not see the end of the summer before passing on. She lives in the UK, and I of course have never met her..nor will I ever. So, I ask this, why then am I feeling so badly over the coming death of a woman I know only through an internet forum, and who I have never seen face to face. I do not even know what she LOOKS like!! Yet I think of her often, and am not looking forward to the post from her family after she passes.
Is this realistic tgo feel this way? Has anyone else gone through something similar?How does one deal with this?
It is not that I have never lost a friend or loved one in RL. At my age, I have lost many. So what do I do now???

[chonsigirl]

She is your friend, whether a face to face one, or an internet one. You feel badly for her, because you are a kind and caring woman, and she is important to you. Vent all that you want...............................

[valerie]

Of course it's realistic to feel that way. Because you are a caring human
being.

What do you do? All that you can, in ways that you can.

I haven't gone through exactly this kind of thing but I do feel so
very close to many members here. And care about them. So what if
I haven't ever met them? Most of them I get to know through their
posts better than meeting someone in real life, which can take a
lot longer, I think.

Give virtual hugs when you can. And let the family how much you care,
I'm sure it will mean a lot to them... it would me.

You know how involved we can get at movies, TV shows or books and we don't know the people involved? Multiply that by hundreds and that's how some of us feel about people we've "met" online. I've never met Clancy, but he was offline for two weeks due to computer problems, and I was getting frantic that he might've been ill.

Sounding sort of gooey here, but just because we haven't physically met someone doesn't mean that we don't love them as much as our "real" friends. I think that's perfectly normal.

I'm very sorry to hear about your friend, Marie.

[Accountable]

A friend is a friend is a friend. The fact that you can feel so close to someone sight unseen reflects well on your character and huge heart. I can't add to what Chonsi & Val have said. Do what you can. Be a friend.

[Marie5656]

Thanks for the responses so far. All of us, her internet friends have been sending her cards and letters right along. The last I sent contained a couple of amusing photos of cows...long story there...anyway, I got an email from her daughter that when she saw them she laughed out loud for the first time in a couple of weeks. That made me feel good.

[OpenMind]

Marie, the basis for friendship is the sharing of ideas. It is this alone by which we form frienships.
Before the Internet, and even post Internet, people from different parts of the world would become penpals - coming to know each other only by handwritten letters. It is nothing new, or particular to the Internet, to form a friendship with someone you may never meet. Albeit, meeting the person is a definite bonus and a real thrill. But it isn't necessary to know someone by sight to form a very close relationship.
Penpals, because they communicated on a one to one basis, would form very strong bonds.
It has even been known for people to form friendships with people serving time in prison. There have been cases where the widows of men who have been murdered have gone on to forge a friendship with the murderer. In a lot of cases, although I don't have the statistics to hand, this has helped the inmate to change their ways. Friendship.
Friendship means forging a relationship as equals. In communicating with another as an equal, we give of ourselves in a way that creates a level of mutual respect and understanding.
I have been on this forum for less than a year. Yet, I feel a kinship with a lot of people on here. It's special. Special to the point that I consider them to be family.
So, Marie, don't be surprised that you feel strongly for this woman whom you have never met. You have nonetheless shared a lot with her. It is natural that you should feel this way about her demise. We are, after all, only human. And, when the time comes that you need to vent your grief, we will be here to share it with you.

I can't really put it any better than these guys already have; friendships come in many forms, whether it's seeing someone every day or talking online.
I've made some fantastic friends through the internet, some I've met, some I haven't. That's the great thing about it, you get to know people that you would never even know about otherwise, and the bonds with some of them will be just as strong as with someone who lives on the same street!

No-one can really tell you how to deal with grief, it's a very personal thing. At least you had the chance to get to know this wonderful person, who you might never have known otherwise.
Big hugs to you anyway

[BabyRider]

Marie, there are people on this very forum that know things about me that my own family doesn't know. I have friends here that I trust more than a lot of people in real life. I have yet to meet a single person from this forum, *yet*, but I consider them true friends. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling the way you feel. Feelings are never "right" or "wrong", they just ARE. You've known this woman for 2 years, and probably talked about a lot more than just your pets. Obviously, since you know of her illness.
It's like asking a blind person if they are really friends, just because the blind person has never seen them. It doesn't matter in the slightest that this person is someone you will never lay eyes on. She's a friend, she's dying and you hurt. You're human. Plain and simple.

[Bez]

I had a friend who was a moderator on another forum. We alays new he was ill and he took a turn for the worse and was taken into hospital to wait for a liver transplant. He used to post from the hospital and then he suddenly stopped..... when I enquired about him it transpired that he'd died....I was gutted. Frinds are friends where ever they 'live'.
i'm so sorry about your friend...you just have to remember the good things you shared.