Borderline Personality Disorder

[DesignerGal]

I am a member of another board that is completely about this sickness. It has seemed to help me alot. Has anyone ever heard of this? Anyone experience in an unchosen/chosen relationship? Does anyone want to discuss this topic?

*chosen meaning significant other/friend
**unchisen meaning relative

How do you determine if you suffer from this? You in general, not you in particular. I'm open to the idea that I've got a few hangnails in my psyche.

[DesignerGal]

Originally Posted by SnoozeControl

How do you determine if you suffer from this? You in general, not you in particular. I'm open to the idea that I've got a few hangnails in my psyche.

Snooze, my dear, I dont think you have it. My father (the monster) has it. BUt there are 9 criteria or "symptoms" that they go over with you. Here is the link to the board:

http://nook.bpdcentral.com/nookboard/index.php

I think you might find the list there, but I am going to post here anyway.

[DesignerGal]

Here are the 9 diagnostic criteria:

1.Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5). (Desperation / rage if they think they are being abandoned, intense feelings of sadness, loss and fear when their partner is away, a need to have access to the partner at all times, inability to allow their partner their own life and friends, a belief that healthy independence in their partner is a threat to them.)

2.A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. (The partner of the person with BPD, friends, coworkers or the person with BPD themself is seen as wonderful or perfect, or as evil and rotten. People and things are seen as rigidly black and white by people with BPD - there is no normal middle ground.) People with BPD are highly intolerant of / unable to deal with the gray areas in life. This is called "splitting."

3.Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self. (Confusion about goals, career, life choices, sexuality or sexual orientation. Persistent questions and discomfort with their perceived role in life. Pervasive issues related to "who am I" and "what is my role in the world". Many people with BPD change careers frequently or enter careers that give them a clearly defined framework and sense of identity, like large corporations or the military. Others fall prey to cults or fundamentalist religions that control all aspects of their life. Fundamentalism can be comforting for people with BPD since the "black and white" nature of these religions give them a framework that fits their world view.) See *Author's Note

4.Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging
e.g., uncontrolled spending, reckless driving, substance abuse, dangerous sexual acts or unsafe sex, binge eating, thrill seeking or risk taking behaviors. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).

5.Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior. This can be manifested as overt suicide attempts, drug or alcohol abuse, unsafe sexual behavior, or as a pattern of "living dangerously"; this also includes cutting, burning, piercing, and sexual self mutilation.

6.Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days. (People with BPD are intensely moody and volatile emotionally - mood swings and huge shifts occur seemingly "out of nowhere". This is why people with BPD are often misdiagnosed as having Bipolar disorder, and therefore improperly medicated.)

7.Chronic feelings of emptiness. (Generally manifested as sadness, loneliness, isolation, aimlessness, feeling empty without a project or relationship to distract them. People with BPD's low self esteem is often masked by public displays of ego, feelings of superiority or an intense need to control themselves, other people, places and events.)

8.Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger
e.g., frequent displays of temper, uncontrolled anger, violent rages, recurrent physical fights, threats, sexualized expression of anger through violent or abusive sex.

9.Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
(BPD may manifest as a belief that those who love them wish to hurt, control or destroy them. This is especially common in times of stress. Ongoing belief that they are being followed, threatened, observed or are always at risk. BPD's see the world as a dangerous and frightening place and remain constantly on guard, even in safe environments and with safe people.)

Thanks! Did I ever tell you I worked in the mental health clinic when I was in the AF? I didn't pick up much of the lingo, but I got to meet some very interesting people while I worked there.

Off to read that site now.

DG, I can't help thinking that several of those criteria sound like what I'd consider stalker mindset. Added with a large dose of paranoia. Sounds dangerous.

You said your father suffers from this? Is there medication for it?

[DesignerGal]

Originally Posted by SnoozeControl

DG, I can't help thinking that several of those criteria sound like what I'd consider stalker mindset. Added with a large dose of paranoia. Sounds dangerous.

You said your father suffers from this? Is there medication for it?

There are lots of medications and with cognitive therapy you can be darn near cured, but the problem with BPD monsters is that they will deny, deny, deny. I am seeing a therapist but I sent my "confrontation letter" and he (my dad, not the therapist) told me it was my fault (of course) and that I started this $hit (as usual) so we arent speaking right now. Which is so fine with me! I am much happier without his guilt trips, manipulation, meanness, etc in my life. Plus, since hubby and I are trying to conceive I want to make sure Ia m healthy in my head as well. I dont want this to manifest itself in me later in life.

Originally Posted by DesignerGal

There are lots of medications and with cognitive therapy you can be darn near cured, but the problem with BPD monsters is that they will deny, deny, deny. I am seeing a therapist but I sent my "confrontation letter" and he (my dad, not the therapist) told me it was my fault (of course) and that I started this $hit (as usual) so we arent speaking right now. Which is so fine with me! I am much happier without his guilt trips, manipulation, meanness, etc in my life. Plus, since hubby and I are trying to conceive I want to make sure Ia m healthy in my head as well. I dont want this to manifest itself in me later in life.

Disturbing reaction. If I had received a letter like that, I'd sit there wondering "what the hell?" but instead he's pointing the finger of blame at you. So he's apparently aware there's something wrong, but refuses to acknowledge his part in it.

You must be incredibly frustrated by that.

I think you've just described me.

No kidding.

But, I just consider it normal.

[DesignerGal]

Originally Posted by SnoozeControl

Disturbing reaction. If I had received a letter like that, I'd sit there wondering "what the hell?" but instead he's pointing the finger of blame at you. So he's apparently aware there's something wrong, but refuses to acknowledge his part in it.

You must be incredibly frustrated by that.

People with BPD are just hard to handle. My father was awful to me as a child. I just started reading this book called "Surviving a Borderline Parent" and it has a workbook in it. Its really forced me to remember things I had long forgotten. Things that made me feel so awful about myself. Here is an example of hi meanness:

We owned a horse-boarding business and it was my job to clean stalls everyday. We had one owner who was 6 months pregnant and I was cleaning her stall. She said I wasnt doing it well, so she got in there with me and showed me how to do it. She's like, "You really got to get in there and dig out the middle." So I finished up after her. Well, the next day she went into premature labor and the baby had to wear a heart monitor for the longest time. I remember asking my dad the very next day, "Was it my fault that Barbara went into labor early?" and his reply was "probably."

I mean, I was 13 for God's sake. So things like this happened ona daily basis. Another un-fond memory I have is that my best friend and I used to write notes to each other and she would sign her name as Jane the Wonderful, and I would sign Mine as Mal the Great. Well he read it one day or saw it, and then asked me "Whats so great about you?" Just meanness. So thats my history with the monster!! Thats why I dont feel so guilty having a moratorium on our relationship.

Oh yeah, and on my WEDDING DAY, he says to me "You need to get your teeth fixed." RIGHT BEFORE WE WALK DOWN THE AISLE! I have a small gap in the front.