Mine

So I have never done this before.. Well except in a journal you actually write in.. But I figured what the hell- ya'll are my family/friends.. I am open with all of you anyway. Some of you know that I have some things that are going on in my life at the moment-things to do with my daughter. Most of you know she isn't really mine-she is my husbands from a previous marriage.. I have been in her life since she was between 3-6 months old. Her Bio mother isn't allowed to have visitation or contact with her because when she was a baby her mom threatened to kill her & my husband along with her other 2 children (from a previous marriage). I really don't wanna get into it because she makes me sick. So we recently found out that my husbands family has bascially going behind our our backs giving her bio mom pictures and information on us.. Thanks GOD that they didn't tell her where we live. She has threatened the courts & us that she WILL kidnap and Kill her someday.. I have spent the last 5 years of my life watching my back and protecting this little girl from her insane mom. She doesn't even know she has another mom.. She thinks she is mine. One day I want to tell her but not yet-she is too young. Lately I have been feeling sick over this whole betrayal thing with his family.. If I think about it then I get a headache and dizzy.. It just makes me so pissed that they can do this to their own blood. I don't know what to do.. Recently we learned more that it isn't so much his mom but his sister & niece. How can they do this.. I guess I just needed to vent.. Thanks for listening!

So I am getting excited because lately my husband and I have been talking about going home for a visit! I totally hope we do & I hope we can come up with the money. We haven't been back since we moved here & that was almost 5 years ago. I miss my family/friends & he misses his too. His mom comes here every year for about 3-4 months. As for my mom well I haven't seen her in going on 3 years. Both our grams are getting up there in age & Tim's isn't doing so well. It is time for us to go back- even if it is just to say good-bye. It's hard living over 2,000 miles away from the people you love the most. My husband says if I go back alone I'll never come back to Arizona.. He thinks I hate it here that much- I don't. Besides if I go alone then I feel like he should be with me to see his family. His gram is sicker than mine. I wanna go back like October (not this yr) because of the fall colors and it isn't too hot or humid at that time. I can't wait to take our daughter downtown to the muesums and stuff. I want her to go to the zoo I grew up going too. She has never seen a dolphin show in her life. She'd love it! Sorry this is pointless.. I am just so excited to even think we might be able to go home. I miss Chicago. Thanks for letting me ramble about nothing.

So my family and I were going to the same church for almost 4 years. About 2 months ago we walked out and never went back. Mostly because we didn't agree on the topic that our pastor was talking about. He talked about How to tell if you married and loser & how you can get rid of your loser. There were so many other things that was said that made my husband and I so uncomfortable. I miss it terribly and so does my daughter. I am not sure if my husband does or not. But this past weekend he asked me if I wanted to go back to Radiant. I told him sure we can if he wanted to. It isn't only up to me. Well today I was looking online and I just wanted to see what this Sundays topic was gonna be about- it is: 'What to say to your gay friend' WHAT! Is a church even supposed to be talking about things like this- are they supposed to be singling people out? In my opinion the answer is NO. So I did a search for local churchs and found the one that my friend goes to. She and her family love it. They say nothing but good things about the pastor- I looked it up online & they are actually talking about why GOD made us. I don't know why I am so shocked. Maybe because I am so used to these off the wall topics. I really need church in my life- so does my daughter. It is good for her to learn about GOD and his men & women. Since we haven't been going I feel this emptiness inside me. Like I have lost someone really important to me. I called my friend & talked to her about the church she goes to and we are gonna try it this Sunday. I am so nervous about starting a whole new church. I talked to my daughter about it & she is so excited. I haven't talked to my husband yet- but I am sure he'll be up for it. I don't know why I am so nervous. I guess I will just pray that GOD helps me find the right church for me and my family. thanks for listening!