Fussy Eaters

[bigdumbswede]

I had a couple of my kids turn out to be fussy eaters. That's what my wife called it anyhow.

"Oh, Honey, he's just a fussy eater."
That was her euphemism for a kid that I preferred to call a "f---ing pain in the ass."

My wife would slave away over the stove, bring out a beautifully prepared meal, set it down in front of the offspring, wiping away wisps of hair from her face, exhausted from hours of cooking and picking up toys.

"I don't like it. I don't want that."
"Why?" I'd ask. I raise an eyebrow at the offending kid, knife in hand, ready to filet the child.
"I just don't like it. I KNOW I don't like it. And I know if ate it, I'm going to like it even less."
"Well, I like it." I'm trying to be diplomatic. What I want to say is,"eat it or wear it." I usually got to that point later in the meal.

My wife would try to corner them with logic. Logic never worked on the 2-13 yr. old age group in my house. Their brains never worked properly until the eighth grade usually. No reasoning with them until then.
"Well,how do you know you don't like it, if you've never tried it?"
"I just know I won't like it." By now the kid is doing the pre-adolescent slump in the chair, barely draped on it, only part of his ass and head contacting the chairseat and back.

"How do you know you don't like it, eh? It came to you in a dream or something?" I ask.
The fussy eater rolls their eyes at me now.

Some foods they wouldn't eat because they didn't like the sound of the food's name. Guacamole. Ewwww, yuck, I'm not eating it. It's green. One of the kids wouldn't eat anything green. A vegetable never passed his lips until he was 19 or 20. Might as well get the colonoscope out now, he's probably heading for advanced colo-rectal cancer from no anti-oxidants the first two decades of his life.

"Not squash. Gross." Kids won't eat anything that sounds like you squashed it out of something else. Yeah? Well, how about a nice tongue sandwich, kid, what if we have that for dinner tomorrow night? Or tripe? Tongues and stomachs of cattle, sound good, eh? You'll be begging for a casserole with a few stray green vegetables buried in with the noodles, boy. Garbanzo beans? Forget it, they won't touch anything that looks like a bean or has a funny name like garbanzo.

Some of our kids wouldn't eat anything unless it was clearly recognizable. Give em something they recognize, Honey. Okay, bring him a carrot."


There are a few things that I won't eat. Okra. It gets slimy. Lobsters and crabs don't look so hot to me . Anything with big pinchers that crawls sideways doesn't make me too hungry.

I can't eat raw oysters because they look like snot. And I know that they're loaded with cholesterol and a bunch of nasty bacterial species that might give me a months' long case of dysentery.

The good thing was that my wife always made wonderful desserts. At the end of the meal that the children considered inedible, then came the creme brulee, or peach cobbler, or apple pie, or homemade ice cream, cherry crisp bars, or whatever delicious, appealing treat she concocted.

Then the fussy eater in question would be ready to eat.

Ha ha, poetic justice.

I'd clear my throat."Sorry, son, if you're not hungry for Hungarian goulash or broccoli casserole, you're definitely not hungry for brownies and ice cream." God, God, God, forgive me for sounding like my mother. She used to say that same crap to me when I was a little kid. Flashback to Christmas, 1967:

"Just eat a little lutefisk, Sven."
"Not me. You eat it."
"Just try a little bit."
"Eating a little bit of that is like throwing up a little bit, Mom."

Then my wife would bring out a pan of double chocolate brownies and some Breyer's real vanilla bean ice cream. I'd sit and eat my brownie in front of the fussy eater. The fussy eater begins to wail loudly, great crying and knashing of teeth. Then fussy eater would be sitting under the dining room table, having undraped himself from the chair, oozing off it onto the tile. Blubbering pitifully, then agonized sobs.

Then, tenderhearted soul that I am, I'd end up under the table with my brownie and ice cream, seated on the floor with the fussy eater, spooning it into him. I can't take it when kids or women cry. Jesus.

Your threads always make me laugh!

Isnt it funny how the poetic justice always seems to be served with a side order of guilt??

[Rapunzel]

OMG that rings some bells!

My son can inhale a whole cheeseburger and swallow without chewing, but give him the teeniest weeniest piece of carrot and he gags disgustingly and wails that he's gonna be sick!

And if it's green then they hate it!

"Well,how do you know you don't like it, if you've never tried it?"

I make them try a piece, so they can make an informed decision.
But all they do is nibble it, say "No, I hate it, it's disgusting. Can I leave it now?" and big softie that I am, I say "okay, at least you tried it" yeah right! Like they even tasted that smidgeon they ate! My son mashes his vegatables into mush then hides them under some pasta and says "Oh, I really can't finish this, I'm too full up!" Then he tries to nick his sisters pasta instead!

Kids! Huh! But even when they're naughty they make ya laugh!

[Rapunzel]

Originally Posted by bigdumbswede

I can't take it when kids or women cry. Jesus.

I love this about men! Just burst into tears and you'll have 'em twisted round your little finger! Oh yeah! hehehehehe

[Sheryl]

My kids are just the opposite. My daughter whose 2 will not eat meat unless it's bologna or hot dogs, but she will inhale vegatables. Tomatoes are her favorite. My son loves coleslaw. I don't know why, I never fix the yucky stuff. But if we go out somewhere for BBQ and it's on his plate, it's the first thing gone.

But I consider myself blessed. My nephew was the most finicky eater I've ever known. That kid's diet consisted of the three 3 C's. Cheeto's, Cherios, and chicken, nothing else. If you put anything else in front of the kid and tryed to make him eat it, he would puke.

[bigdumbswede]

Originally Posted by Sheryl

My kids are just the opposite. My daughter whose 2 will not eat meat unless it's bologna or hot dogs, but she will inhale vegatables. Tomatoes are her favorite. My son loves coleslaw. I don't know why, I never fix the yucky stuff. But if we go out somewhere for BBQ and it's on his plate, it's the first thing gone.

But I consider myself blessed. My nephew was the most finicky eater I've ever known. That kid's diet consisted of the three 3 C's. Cheeto's, Cherios, and chicken, nothing else. If you put anything else in front of the kid and tryed to make him eat it, he would puke.

Yep, yep. I had a son just like that. He lived on Doritoes, macroni and cheese and hot dogs. It's a wonder he didn't develop some bizarre vitamin defiency like kwashiorkwor or beriberi. Well, not maybe not beriberi. The only people that had a less restricted diet than my kid? Maybe old lonstanding alcoholics who only drink their meals.

[bigdumbswede]

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

I love this about men! Just burst into tears and you'll have 'em twisted round your little finger! Oh yeah! hehehehehe

I know, I know, it's really a problem.

I wonder if it's encoded in mens' brains to do this. Must be an area in the prefrontal cortex or deep in the confines of the hippocampus or hypothalamus; an area that functions to cause men great distress when women or little kids get upset.

Maybe some residual primordial urge that acted as a survival mechanism, a throwback to our days as Neandrathals when our hair stood on end when we heard a little kid or a women shriek. Maybe when we hear or see a woman or child in distress our minds play tricks on us and our prefrontal cortex still thinks,"oh oh, saber tooth tiger approaching cave entrance." I don't know.

[Betty Boop]

I have one child that will eat everything put in front of him, green beans, sprouts, cauliflower, calabrese. The other child is very fussy, she'll only eat carrots and potatoes.

I mean, my children don't get any pudding if they haven't made a good job of their tea, and my daughters tea often spends the evening on the table, then when she mentions she's hungry she's pointed in the direction of her full dinnerplate!

[bigdumbswede]

Originally Posted by Sheryl

My kids are just the opposite. My daughter whose 2 will not eat meat unless it's bologna or hot dogs, but she will inhale vegatables. Tomatoes are her favorite. My son loves coleslaw. I don't know why, I never fix the yucky stuff. But if we go out somewhere for BBQ and it's on his plate, it's the first thing gone.

But I consider myself blessed. My nephew was the most finicky eater I've ever known. That kid's diet consisted of the three 3 C's. Cheeto's, Cherios, and chicken, nothing else. If you put anything else in front of the kid and tryed to make him eat it, he would puke.

Oh yes! I had a kid that was puker, too. He could puke on a dime and give you nine cents change. Yess siree bob. "Try just try a little bite, Peter."

"Oh God, Daddy, I think I'm going to errrrrrp"---slop-get the mop.

[Sheryl]

Originally Posted by bigdumbswede

Oh yes! I had a kid that was puker, too. He could puke on a dime and give you nine cents change. Yess siree bob. "Try just try a little bite, Peter."

"Oh God, Daddy, I think I'm going to errrrrrp"---slop-get the mop.

that's my nephew. Or at least was. He's 13 now and his diet has grown to include more.

The summer I married his uncle, I also babysit my soon to be nieces and nephew. One day before I cooked their lunch, I asked his sisters if he liked lasagna. They assured me he did. So I fix them lasagna for lunch. It was the easy kind out of a box, Hamburger Helper kind. So I set the table, fix plates, and call them to the table. Immediately Les tells me he doesn't like it. So I inform him that to try it before telling me he didn't like it. We battled for 20 minutes over his just trying a bite. Finally he gets down from the table and goes to watch TV. But I hurried and turned the TV off. Then I told him he was either going to eat or go take his nap. Nap was his choice. So I just covered his plate and left it on the table. An hour later he woke up hungry. So I told him to eat his lunch he had left. I guess he finally figured out I wasn't going to cave and give him something else. So he gets at the table, takes a big bite. Then sais yummmmm, this is good. He ended up cleaning his plate and asking for more.