My thoughts.....

I spend my days trying not to judge anyone but I need to let off some steam here.

I find it outrageous when someone knows one of my friends better than I do. People judge them without even taking the time to know them. How can that be right?

It seems people generally make up their minds based on the opinions of others and would rather not listen to any facts. As long as they "fit in" then it seems they are allowed to do whatever is needed to be part of the group. Are we really that socially inept that as adults we are trying to play the school yard "best friends" games? I don't subscribe to that-not then and certainly not now.

Humanity sees fit to teach me a new lesson each day and I sure learnt one big lesson yesterday. I wanted to write this yesterday but the words wouldn't come.

Ignorance, rudeness and bias surround me. Sometimes I feel at the point of walking away-how do I do that then?

Some days it seems so obvious and then others I wonder how it could be this way? How can it be so very clear one day and then others it is miles away. Have you ever had a feeling where you KNOW the answer is close-but as you try to look at it directly it vanishes?

It was shown to me today that I can have what I want in life as long as it is for the good of others too. I need to learn how to use that now.

My motivation, focus and discipline have gone and my business is the only thing thats keeps me focused-even then not always.

I need to learn that I will never have all the answers. It is impossible to do right by all people and I must not try to do this. I will be myself as I always do and that will have to be enough. I am not clever enough to always see when I am being "got at" but life seems to find a way to show me.

Feeling absolutely bad today-got a bug from my kids..share and share alike they say!

Today we have all been around nature all day...rivers, forests, beaches and lots more. Open country roads and hedges. Gates and styles. steps and more steps, ruins of buildings long gone, open land and dense forest.

We walked and talked amongst the trees. The cold biting wind and rain that lashed down on me had an amazing way of refreshing me. I should feel tired as we walked for miles but I feel invigorated.

The cycle of the trees....endless renewal despite everything else going on around them helped me to refocus. I feel renewed and young....Nothing affects me unless I let it...how did I forget that?

I wish I could do this everyday-maybe I should get to the forest once a month to stop Hammy going crazy!

Muddy wellies and empty sandwich bags......a good day indeed

Had enough of this place...It's getting to me.

Everytime I log in here it gets more and more negative..I really can't take anymore stuff at the moment. I feel obliged to "take a side" and I refuse to do that. Why should I? I used to come here to have fun and relax and I can't do that anymore.

I am losing friends over things that really don't matter. Time to take a break I think...

Spoke too soon....morning sickness is back. Feeling worse than a shrivelled up banana. Where is the "glow"??? It will hopefully come after the New Year.

I hate this time of year sometimes. My life is not my own-watching school plays, wrapping pressies, writing cards and loads of other stuff. Wher eis the "Me" time? Don't forgetthe advent calendars, stockings, stocking fillers, decorations, food we'll never eat and alcohol I can't even have this year!

Then comes the having dinner with all those relatives I worked hard to avoid all year....

Never mind...maybe I am just tired from the sickness....Gonna try and sleep it off tonight! When I wake up tomorrow I'll be as happy as a pig'in'mud.

Bah humbug!!

Well I haven't posted here for a while so I thought I would do so to see out the old year!

I'm feeling still a little ill but slowly improving. Next week sees the end of the 1st 12 weeks of this pregnancy. I can't believe how quick it is going! I am feeling excited and optimistic that the worst of the sickness is over and the "blooming" part is to come. Now if I could only get clothes to fit me that would be fine....

I am looking forward to the New Year and making a home worthy of bringing another life into. Harder work this year is called for as this baby means a bigger house and car so I must get off to a fast start with business.

I am so pleased for the friends I have made here this year and the people I have met in real life too. Each one was just as I saw them on here and I can't wait for us all to meet up in January! I will be the one looking like a balloon.

I can't help but think of things gone wrong in the past. I try to learn from my mistakes and move forward and I must be stronger and more disciplined in doing that. This year has ended slowly with being ill but I feel a renewed energy now and vigour. Life can only move forward and I will take whatever challenges come my way.

I wish everyone well on FG and I hope you can all be as happy as me with my 3 kids, my bump and Open Mind here with me...Happy New Year and a prosperous one to all!

I'm bored!!!!

One of those days. It started off bad and just gets worse. Wish I had never got out of bed!

How are you supposed to have faith if it gets tested to breaking point? This may be for my higher good but it doesn't really help me get through it does it? "Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger!" That's great and I'll get to the end still alive but a nervous wreck.

It would be nice to able to observe this through other eyes and then I would be able to look at it philosophically to say "wow-you are sure going to be stronger after this one!" Trouble is it's my life and I can't get that distance.

Wonder how this one is going to turn out?

It seems I have figured out a way to get my faith back. Events conspired to make it happen. There is no way I could get through this next month without faith.

I don't do "religion" but I have faith in a divine purpose and guidance in my life. How did I ever lose sight of that?

I have already had a better day as life took the opportunity yesterday to show me all those people who were in a worse situation than me. 3 customers visits resulted in a death in the family (sudden and very young), a runaway teenager who is in danger and a possible cancer sufferer who is at the least very ill. Walking back through my front door and the wonderful clarity of perspective arrived! My purpose is to help as many people as I can-and for that I first need to help myself.

I'll just do what I have always done and I will get through too. I know it to be the case now. Funny how yesterday seemed so doomed and today there is hope.

Tomorrow is another day. Another chance to build on what I have started today. I feel a rising sense of purpose now that has been absent for so long.It's like someone just handed me a map after wandering in the desert for what has actually been almost a year. In my head it may as well have been eternity.

Why do we have these moments of being so lost? Maybe to force ourselves to find it all again? Maybe to realise we are off course? Who knows...but I sure don't want to ever get lost again.

Another good day today. I have been sick only once or twice this week! And I certainly feel more energy coming back. Maybe I am not far from the nice middle bit where you feel alive? I see the midwife tomorrow so we will see!

I am still more positive today. My issue has been a lack of direction or more precisely a lack of wanting to go in one direction. Have you been in that place when you just didn't know why you were even doing it anymore? I have been there and come out now so I can't wait for this year.

I just need to keep building on this feeling and not let myself slide back. Posting here helps as I want to have something positive to write.

Onwards and upwards! Backwards or down is not an option right now-there is no room for mistakes left.