Advantages/Disadvantages of Cross-Sex Friendships?

[swedeace]

Okay, other than the usual million topics I see in friendship message boards involving "I think I am in love with my friend," I'd like to read shared advantages/disadvantages of cross-sex friendships? In other words, what is a casual way of reminding a cross-sex acquaintance (not yet a friend but hoping to slowly go into a friendship - nothing romantic at all!!!) you'd like to treat them out to lunch and hang out. I understand the whole "males are close in doing" and "females are close in dialog." Yeah, yeah... so I don't want to sit and just talk with him but want to hang out at the movies or out to lunch or something. Also, any ideas of any hangouts with opposite sex friends?

I am asking because I'd like to casually remind my cross-sex friend about this. I ran into him two weeks ago and told me he still owes me an email. I'm still waiting... *taps fingers* He's a VERY busy person, but now that we are on semester break, shouldn't he have some more time (other than holiday stuff)?

I also have his cell number he gave me in September, but since we don't see each other too much or talk like we did last summer, would it seem too weird to call him?

Please, no "romance" ones because those are so common in the hetero friendships. Thanks!

Input please!!! I'd really appreciate it!!!

[Peg]

Why not when he's working on the computer, ask him if he's had lunch yet. If not, say, "You need to eat, I need to eat, so how about when you are done, we go grab a burger some where, my treat?"

[Jack Sprat]

Originally Posted by swedeace

cross-sex friendships

Why would sex make you cross?

OK - hit me for that one.

My best friend is my wife, and she has been for almost 40 years. She has no male "friends" and lots of female friends. I have no female friends, and few male. Why? Once we left the work place those still working slowly drifted away. They are acquaintances now. We live in a rural area with few neighbors. We are not involved in organizations or clubs.

On the other hand, I have dozens of male and female online friends. Many of them I have since met in person and we’ve really hit it off, but most live hundreds of miles away or even on different continents. By e-mail, IM, message board, you are neither male nor female, but simply people with similar interests who can relate to each other. I bet all of us have opened up to "strangers" on the Internet, telling them things we would not tell our "real" friends.

So the question is: why in real life is it more tempting to be friends with the same sex and on the Internet it matters less?

[Peg]

To me, it doesn't matter if a person is male or female. A friend is a friend, nothing more, nothing less.

[Paula]

This is not my generation? I do not understand any of it...only from Sally Show or Springer? I cannot help, i hope they have fun discovering who they are? XO...

[swedeace]

Originally Posted by Jack Sprat

Why would sex make you cross?

OK - hit me for that one.

Are you kidding? Cross-sex means "opposite sex" such as a male individual befriending a female individual like a female individual befriending a male individual.

So the question is: why in real life is it more tempting to be friends with the same sex and on the Internet it matters less?

Hmm... you bring a VERY important question. I've studied some sociology (i.e. gender and friendships but there is A LOT out there), and I am curious as to what social scientists have to say about your question. It's a very interesting one!

[A Karenina]

Originally Posted by Jack Sprat

Why would sex make you cross?

OK - hit me for that one.

Funny!!!

Originally Posted by Jack Sprat

So the question is: why in real life is it more tempting to be friends with the same sex and on the Internet it matters less?

I think in real life, the male/female thing is very visible. It sits there between you, and from time to time it occurs to you that biologically your bodies are made for sex. The possibilities crop up, if that makes sense.

I'm a tomboy, and I tend to hang out with male friends a lot. They talk about cars and baseball, and I find that more relaxing than conversations about hair and makeup. Most women don't like to talk about cleaning supplies anymore, but I noticed that men get into it...like that new roombavac, the robot vacuum. Or the washer/dryer that is one unit. Too cool! I am addicted to cleaning gadgets. There is no self-help group available, I checked.

I digress, as usual. LOL.

The other day I was talking with a male friend. Out of the blue, he said, "I would be very uncomfortable if I found out you had a crush on me." Well, he's so not my type that I burst out laughing at the thought. Argh! I probably devastated his ego, which wasn't my intent...but there you go...these awkward moments come up.

The other problem I encounter with male friends is that I don't think about sex very much. I tell jokes a lot, they are often misconstrued, and then I blush. Almost 40 freaking years old, and I blush. If we're talking about yoga, then I'm thinking yoga. I don't automatically start visualizing kama sutra positions, ya know? But my male friends do...and it can be embarrassing for me.

I still treasure my friendships with my male friends, but it has a different flavor than with my female friends. I think that's normal, and healthy. But it is easier on the net because we are all sexless.

[swedeace]

Originally Posted by A Karenina

I think that's normal, and healthy. But it is easier on the net because we are all sexless.

Yeah, that's true. I was thinking about that question earlier and came to the conclusion that it's based on our commonalities with either sex.

[persephone]

My oldest and closest friend is male, this is a little different as we've been friends for 23 years now, when he was 8 he moved to Scotland and we hardly ever saw each other... We would write, but he wrote far less often than I did (before internet and mobile phones).

Even today with him now having a new baby son and a partner (who has a problem with me) we are still in touch, but can go for a couple of months without talking, and we'll both be online with MSN running.

The only time I've ever been upset is when we were 18 and he got married without inviting me or even telling me, but then at that age there's all the rival stuff going on a lot more and she would've gone mad, so even though I tease him about it, I've forgiven him for it.

I have never worried about him not replying to letters, emails or even text messages, it's the way he is, he's male. Christmas day he called me, on my birthday he'll call and when we need each other we'll both be there for each other.

We keep our relationship plutonic but at the same time we tease each other and mess around in what is often said to be an inapropriate way. That's how we are though, "child hood sweethearts" our parents tell us.

So my advice is, keep emailing him, telling him your news etc. Men don't always answer but it doesn't mean they don't want to be friends, they just don't do gossip as well as women. If he talks on the phone (proper conversation I mean) then give him a call once in a while.

I think you should listen to PEG she put it plain and simple. and it is the perfect solution!