Things I Wish I had Known Before Going Out into the Real World

[Marie5656]

Things I Wish I'd Known
Before I Went Out In The Real World



Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying "Why, thank you" (though it helps if you say it with a Southern accent).

Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra, some are on stage singing, some are in the audience as critics and some are there to applaud. Know who and where you are.

Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.

Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiters and doesn't like dogs/cats.

Good sex should involve laughter. Because think about it, it is funny.

You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize" and "You are right."

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

The only really good advice that I remember my mother ever gave me was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"

If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe it.

I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?'

Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

Knowing how to listen to music is as great a talent as knowing how to make it.

Work is good but it's not that important.

Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man.

And finally... Be really nice to your friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

[minks]

Never pass up an opportunity to pee.


HAHAHAHAHAHA
that is sad, cause as we age... oh heck I gotta go pee, brb!!!!

[Carl44]

that was great funny and true

my grandfather used to say never criticize a man till you have walked a mile in his shoes i always used that to myself when i was frustrated with some one to stop me saying something not so nice , in his last years i thanked him for the advice and he said to me do you really know what i meant , i explained what i thought it meant he laughed and said no you idiot
if you walk a mile in his shoes and you still feel the same your a mile away from the moron and as a bonus you have a new pair of shoes ... he was joking of course but always wise my grandad shame i never really knew how wise till he was not around to give me advise i so needed

Nice Marie, very nice and mostly very true.

Now excuse me for a minute, I need to go empty minks bedpan.....................

[ice maiden]

so true

[ss1809]

love the list....i am going to save this. it could come in handy