The Forgiven

[kash567]

I was forgiven by a man I assaulted when I was ill, I might as well admit it, doctors said I suffer from delusions of persecution, and hallucinations, later they found I had narcolepsy as well, in which I was getting hypnogogic hallucinations and something was making me paralyzed in my sleep, called sleep paralysis.

However when there is a history of lynching, mugging, terrorism, violence, war, bigotry I wouldn’t call it delusions of persecution or the vindication that it is the survival of the fittest, I would say my fear of aggressive people and controlling of the professionals led to the assault, I wasn’t myself at the time. No trial but lost my dignity and decency as a result of the assault, no charge but have to live with the diagnosis by doctors of paranoid schizophrenia.

I got to open up, because I hope no-one cares, my family doesn’t.

In the words of Martin Luther King, "free at last, free at last, thank God I'm free at last"- that is my aim in life, to find my freedom for eternity

[kash567]

Now if you don’t mind, I have to call my dealer…
what say you about drugs

[Wednesday's Child]

Kash


The right pharmaceuticals will take care of your problems (and there are some excellent ones now).... the wrong drugs will delay and exacerbate your problems.

Your choice.

I have two family members with schizophrenia who are living both essential and productive lives after being brought back from the "near dead" of psychotic episodes.

There is always a choice to take care of yourself or give up. You are the one living this... and you are the one who can take charge.

What say you to courage and bravery?

[kash567]

lessons have been learnt along the path I had to go through, I can only act upon those lessons, and wait to realize new lessons from mistakes and hopefully learn from them. Problem is understanding and I gain little understanding from being brave or courageous, I simply can't do it, not that I wouldn't give it a try or have an attempt, I'm not fully fit more debilitated. Progression is the only way. But only hitch is that I have very little faith in science and progress.

[Wednesday's Child]

Kash

But you have faith in street drugs?

If you are physically debilitated, it sounds like you are in need of some honest evaluation and turning yourself over to some help which you seem to be avoiding and denying yourself.

If you are seeking help on a public forum.... you can seek help from someone who can do you some real good.

Please at least consider it. You have only taken the wrong path when there are so many more to explore.

[persephone]

Street drugs usally cause more episodes in those already prone to them and bring on psychotic episodes in people who haven't previously had them before.

Think you should listen to what Wednesday says

[koan]

If your arm was broken you would let a doctor set it. If your kidney is failing you would seek professional help. If your mind is injured you should give it the same respect. If you seek the therapy of your own choice it will prevent being forced into therapy with a doctor not of your choice down the road if you have another incident. I know people stuck in hospital run by egomaniacs who seem to have just barely passed their degree. Choose your therapy while you have the chance to make that choice yourself.

[weeder]

Originally Posted by kash567

I was forgiven by a man I assaulted when I was ill, I might as well admit it, doctors said I suffer from delusions of persecution, and hallucinations, later they found I had narcolepsy as well, in which I was getting hypnogogic hallucinations and something was making me paralyzed in my sleep, called sleep paralysis.

However when there is a history of lynching, mugging, terrorism, violence, war, bigotry I wouldn’t call it delusions of persecution or the vindication that it is the survival of the fittest, I would say my fear of aggressive people and controlling of the professionals led to the assault, I wasn’t myself at the time. No trial but lost my dignity and decency as a result of the assault, no charge but have to live with the diagnosis by doctors of paranoid schizophrenia.

I got to open up, because I hope no-one cares, my family doesn’t.

In the words of Martin Luther King, "free at last, free at last, thank God I'm free at last"- that is my aim in life, to find my freedom for eternity

I would think you are refering to suicide? Freedom from eternity? In life, there can be a wonderful surprise around any corner. Things never stay the same. You dont want to miss out on the good stuff which surely is coming, We all get our fair share of the good and the bad. And by the way.... Family approval is not the be all and end all of everythying. Its a particular kind of love.... But there are other kinds of love out there waiting for you. Life is a tremendous adventure. Only through pain does learning come. Go get some medication, and start living. Also get yourself a copy of the book, THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED> Start reading it tomorrow

[Marsue3417]

I have Post-Traumatic-stress-disorder and I have such things as black outs. I don't know what it is like to have delusions, but I do know what it is like to not be myself. I have had to go through tons of medication for Clinical depression, and Chronic fatigue syndrom, and flashbacks and that aweful thing called "blind rage."
I have a mother who is Paraniod schizophrenia as well. I know what it is like to grow up with one though. I just wanted to say that I feel ya and let you know that I care and that you are not alone.

I know that no matter what happens in life that you are always worth more than letting the disease win. I have alot of serious health problems. Even a genetic disorder that shortens my life span to the age of 30 years old. My doctors say that I will be lucky if I live past then. I also believe that life is precious and that giving up on it would be letting the schizophrenia win. Don't let it win. You are worth more than you could possibly know if you are thinking about suicide. I know these things because I actually qualify for doctor assisted suicide. Because Cystic Fibrosis causes deterioration of all vital organs and when we die we literally drown from tons of thick mucous in our lungs. I know that life may seem horrible now, but just remember that when one door closes, other doors will open.


Sincerely,

Marsue3417

P.S. I am only 23 years-old.

[purple]

Originally Posted by kash567

I got to open up, because I hope no-one cares, my family doesn’t.

I'm sorry your family doesn't care. There are support groups for people suffering from similar illnessses, Emotions Anonymous and others. Group therapy is another method to find support of others. It helps a lot of people.

Really, medication helps a lot of people with schizophrenia. You deserve to have a life worth living. I hope you get the help you deserve.