Wendy's World

[WonderWendy3]

Most Excellent (Wayne World's tune)

I've been meaning to do this for some time....

Today I feel like crying and just pouring my heart out...I feel like a 4 year old broken record.

My Ex left me in 2003, We had been together since 1988, we were married, divorced married and divorced AGAIN....ALOT of history and 4 boys (one of which resides in Heaven)...I really wish that we could be more civilized...but ummm NOPE!!

I have to take him to court to get any help from him and that doesn't even work half the time...4 years ago in Aug. We went to court for child support, He left me with no money, no job and 3 kids to feed...so after 3 months I finally got to court in the beat up vehicle he left me, to see him drive up in a Beautiful Cadilaac...with an Attorney (Which I couldn't afford to have one) After the amount of child support was determined, he and his lawyer asked the Judge if I could give up the 2 younger boys as Tax deductions since he was going to be paying more than half of my income. I was so desparate that I agreed...

Needless to say, 3 almost 4 years later...I have been waiting on child support on a monthly basis, he is ALWAYS in arrears, right now 5 months!! and HE gets to claim the kids...I take care of them 24/7.... He hardly sees them, calls every once in a while....

I want to just scream at times...

I feel so bad for my oldest son, I'm so proud of the young man he has become and so sad that he had to grow up so quickly...He is 10 times the Man his Father is at age 17 almost 18!!

Got the Summons for Court today...That's just for the review of how much Child Support he has to pay...I have to drive out to the Court house on my lunch break and file an appeal to try to get the children as MY deductions!!

There are really days that I don't want to go on...and I'm not talking suicide...I just get tired...been dealing with unpleasantries way too long...

I enjoy coming to the forums to get my mind off of serious stuff....and sometimes we have to face that serious stuff in our lives...yes I'm very edumacated.... serious STUFF!!

[WonderWendy3]

Well a couple days have gone by...and I appreciate the sweet people on this forum that have commented by pm's...thank you.

I have never heard of online forums until Sept. this year...and found this in November....I was overwhelmed by the people that really care about each other.

I have alot of fun at the Garden and just enjoy everyone.



Right now I am ready to scream again...It's almost midnight, been babysitting Nephew (1 year old sweetie pie) since 4pm, so that his Mom and Dad could go out on a much needed and overdue date...my two youngest sons are up and being obnoxious...and I'm trying to keep things quiet for baby!!

Times like now, wouldn't mind having a cigarette!!

I've gained weight since I quiet 26 days ago...

Okay gonna go strangle a child...I'm kidding...but boy do I feel like it sometimes...

[WonderWendy3]

Okay, Monday Morning...whoo hoooo!!

I had a nice relaxing weekend...except for this guy that is threatning to stalk me...let me explain...I met this guy about 1 year ago...spoke off and on...he came on WAY too strong for me, lives in CA...and bragged about how rich he is...I could care less...not a gold digger by any means....I would basically brush him off and then a few months would go by and we'd talk again ( this is all on IM-met him in yahoo games-which I don't do anymore btw)....Well, this past November he told me he's coming out here for business, and really wanted to meet me, I said okay...I explained to him that I was dating someone, and after he bugged me enough I agreed to lunch. I only had an hour (which I was thankful for) I don't like to be mean, and worry about everyones feelings. So, I was being as nice as I could to get my point across that I'm very happy with the Man I'm dating. He tried to PAY me to not work my second job that evening and have dinner with him instead. I said no, well ended up calling in sick on second job, but because of kids and headache. He called and I told him that, he wanted me to meet him...I told him no, but very nicely.

Since then (first week of Dec.) I haven't signed into my IM very much and when I get messages from him I've been very vague...well this weekend, he was insulting me, telling me that I'm stupid, fat and ugly and that I need to take the pic of myself off of the computer because it's very deceiving....just very ugly. It never ceases to amaze me how people can't just walk away. I sensed him being a control freak, and I'm right...they can't handle rejection, and have to have the last word!! ( I was married to one, had to get a protective order/restraining order to get my point across to him). I didn't say anything ugly back to him, told him that he said his say, and to please leave me alone. What bothered me is he kept on posting my address and saying how he could've come straight to my house but he didn't...I'm hoping he's just doing that to bother me and won't go through with anything stupid...he knows I have 3 kids...but what he doesn't know that I'm well protected!!

Other than that, I had a very relaxing weekend...spent sat. night baby sitting my 1 year old nephew, who is just the sweetest baby!!

I love coming to the garden!!

[WonderWendy3]

Was gonna write detailed on how I'm feeling...but a public board.

Just did somethingthat was long over-due...and because of it I'm shaking!!

Why is it when I do something that might come across to someone as mean or hateful, even though that person has hurt me for over 10 years...I feel guilty??

Why do I worry about how other people are going to feel?

Why do I give and give and then I give some more??

Why do I want to just scream on the top of my lungs???

And mostly why do I just laugh it all off??

hmmm

I give it over to God, I know he has a plan. He's already shown me some of it...I trust in him, even when it sounds like I don't!


Just how I'm feeling right now!

I am thankful for :

my kids (healthy and beautiful)
my job
my house
my car (even though my son ran into a guardrail and not pretty right now)
my parents and brother and extended family (Mom is da BOMB!!)
my new boyfriend (even if he does try to steal my fav. pillow and blankie!!)
that I live in USA!
and so many other things.....a mind is something to be thankful for!!

[WonderWendy3]

Okay....1 month since last cigarette!!

Now...ummm need to start the diet!! OMG...saw a pic of myself from Christmas...can you say P I G!!!

Detox here I come...starting to get all those chemicals out...trying to get healthier...feel better since I stopped smoking.


I went to get all of the stuff that I need to start, I had left overs from last year. and couldn't find the pills I need to take with the fiber stuff in the morning...ugh!!

I gave it to an old boyfriend and he didn't like it so I took it back from him...and now it's missing ...ugh again.....oh well gonna do with what I've got....better than nuffin'....

I'm feeling real lazy tonight...boyfriend as been so worried about me getting his bad cold for the last month off and on, and oh oh, starting to have a sore throat...OJ here I come (and not talking Simpson...Orange JUICE!!)

I'm so glad I found the Garden

[WonderWendy3]

Okay, within 2 hours I will be in Court with the Ex over Child Support, trying not to stress, after the 2nd cup of coffee, which is something I only do in the winter and has become my new morning ritual since I don't get up and drink Iced Tea and a Cigarette.

I'm trying to stay calm, I just hate this. Why can't the man just pay his Child Support?? He lied about his income 3 years ago and I've dealt with the small amount he pays, but then going 4 months without just becomes alittle much.

Anyway, gotta go get ready soon, want to walk around the garden, jump on my surf board and surf alittle!

I am thankful that it didn't snow today, they were calling for snow and ice, and that would mean them post-poning the court date, just want to get it over and done with

[WonderWendy3]

Hard to believe it's been 2 months since I was in here last...and I re-read some of it, and ooops typos galore!!

Today is a sad day in Virginia after the shootings at Virginia Tech. Even though I don't know anyone personally, my heart aches for the families that lost loved-ones there yesterday. Praying for comfort for all involved in yesterdays tragedy.

Over 4 months since I quit smoking and ummmm still EATING!! I've started a Karate class with my children, my brother is the instructor. I've only gone once (last thursday) and loved it, I was great entertainment for everyone there...so I must continue on my quest to be an "Entertainer" and go every Tues and Thursday night.

I've been going to a Massage therapist once a month now...last night was the third time...call him "Doctor Feel-Good Dan"....When I'm done I am a ball of MUSH!!
Don't understand why I can't just spend the night there, why they HAVE to send me home??

I do pray for my friends here at the garden...many to you all

[WonderWendy3]

I've been having a lot of fun here lately....and umm I really want to let all of my friends here that I appreciate them. There are times that I feel like I'm getting on peoples nerves...if I am, well please don't tell me, it'll hurt my feelings!!

Today is my son's birthday, he is 18 years old, seems like just yesterday I was giving birth to him. He's grown up to be a very handsome and loving young man, I'm very proud of him, beyond words acutally (tearing up as I type).

I just received an email from my cousin, I usually talk to her via email while at work, and she is fully aware of everything I do basically...Well this email had me laughing so hard that I had to cover my mouth in fear people would hear me in the back of the building....I copied and pasted for anyone who wants a laugh...well I found it funny.....

A Story:

Once upon a time in a land called Virginia...there
lived a woman who "worked" in an office. All day she
spent typing away in her little happy world of FG.
Nothing else mattered, nobody else could reach her.
She was wrapped up in her other friends...from the UK,
Australia, Zimbabwe..
Then one day, her cousin who had been quite in the
funk lately and wanted to drive off of a cliff decided
she did not care if she got yelled at...she would type
a long and stupid story to her cousin in the faraway
land of Virginia.
Then...like a miracle...her cousin from Virginia
replied with glee! And everyone lived happily ever
after...or at least for another hour or so.

THE END

[WonderWendy3]

Happy Birthday my sweet Mason.

I have tears streaming down my face, today is my sweet Mason's 14th birthday up in heaven. I have so much love for him as the day I delivered him. I remember the nurse crying looking at this sweet beautiful baby without a breath of life in him. The pain is still there and I'm sure it always will be. He is my sweet Angel

I got on the computer this morning, and was overwhelmed by the hugathon thread from Jimbo and a very sweet pm from him also. What a wonderful and thoughtful Man he is. Thank you for all of my hugs, made me burst out in tears. I am so greatful for my FG friends, actually consider you my family. I spend time with you crying, laughing and just visiting...to me that is family.

I am getting ready for work, and have little time to write here right now, I may come back in later in the day to share my thoughts.

[WonderWendy3]

I have been off and on today like every year on the 9th of May. Mason was born/died on Mother's Day 1993, So of course Mother's day is bitter sweet for me also. I have 3 absoulutely beautiful boys that God has blessed me with and given me them to enrich my life fully.

I wrote this to Jimbo in a pm and I wanted to write in my journal as well:

My oldest child just turned 18 and Mason is 14...and it just seems like yesterday I was holding my oldest (Jed) and telling him about his baby brother in heaven. Jed's response was "God must've needed another Angel"...oh wow, that still tears me up just thinking about a little 4 year old, who was looking forward to having a little brother....and have that faith....WOW!! Jed is such a good kid and I'm so proud of him, and I know Mason is as beautiful, he always will be to me. The younger boys are fully aware that they have a brother in Heaven.

I have a "Mason box" it has his pictures and gifts from baby shower that I could fit in it and of course his funeral announcements etc. Every now and again I'll take the box down from a very tall book shelf and look at the pictures, though very sad...but oh so precious to me. I know there is a lot of Evil people this world, but I wish that pain on NO-ONE, Seeing that sweet baby laying in a pine box, and then closing the lid, then driving to a grave-yard and lowering him into the ground. An empti-ness and hurt that I wish on NO-ONE...ever!! I had family and friends all around me and I felt like I was standing there alone, so hard to let him go, I carried him in my body for 9 months and looked so forward to loving him his whole life, which I do love him. I just didn't get the opportunity to raise him here on earth. (tears are rolling down my face btw)

Shortly after I lost Mason I took my son to Kings Dominion and I saw this young couple that had a baby, beautiful baby, with no socks on in windy cold weather and they took the baby up the Eiffel Tower, I started crying because all I wanted was the opportunity to have a beautiful healthy baby like they had and it appeared as if they didn't really care that the baby could be freezing and/or having ears popping from going that high in the air. I know that some may think, well the baby was fine and I was over-reacting, be that as it may....how I felt and remember like yesterday. My heart breaks for Women that can't have babies and then you hear of women murdering their beautiful healthy chidren. I can't comprehend it.