Denial

[koan]

I know a few people still in the denial phase.
It goes like this:
"I can stop any time I want."

One particular friend has a problem with both alcohol and cocaine. He doesn't talk much to me anymore because he knows I don't tolerate cocaine use. The first trick was to try and get me to do it with him. I've found cocaine users prefer to be around others who are using. That or they like to assume the ones not on it would be if they could. My refusing to take any was annoying. It was decided that I was one of the few who actually get sick when they take it. That was the only excuse they would accept and be okay with.

The first I heard of the use was that he did it once a year. Then it was once in while. Then it was on the weekends. Then it turned out he carries it in his wallet most of the time.

He is a very "successful" person. I'm not sure how to convince someone who makes really good money that they are screwing up their life.

[SuzyB]

Originally Posted by koan

I know a few people still in the denial phase.
It goes like this:
"I can stop any time I want."

One particular friend has a problem with both alcohol and cocaine. He doesn't talk much to me anymore because he knows I don't tolerate cocaine use. The first trick was to try and get me to do it with him. I've found cocaine users prefer to be around others who are using. That or they like to assume the ones not on it would be if they could. My refusing to take any was annoying. It was decided that I was one of the few who actually get sick when they take it. That was the only excuse they would accept and be okay with.

The first I heard of the use was that he did it once a year. Then it was once in while. Then it was on the weekends. Then it turned out he carries it in his wallet most of the time.

He is a very "successful" person. I'm not sure how to convince someone who makes really good money that they are screwing up their life.

I have many friends like this and i have realised i can not convince them of anything, it took one friend to lose everything, she had a breakdown and was sectioned under the mental health act, even then it took a long time before she realised her life was a mess BECAUSE of this addiction.

[Mystery]

One of the hardest things for many addicts is to connect the problems in their lives with the drug use, and then there are those that we consider as "functioning addicts". It's even harder for them, because they cannot see the unmanageability and powerlessness that addiction causes. Or, they choose not to see it, because denial can be a two-way street. One of my favorite excuses was "I'm not hurting anyone but myself". Unfortunately, it's not alway easy to help someone break through denial, because in a lot of cases, they simply aren't ready to see it, and you really do have to let them make their own mistakes and go through their own misery many times. Some will even die, and that's something that is most difficult to bear. Reality therapy is a good thing when dealing with denial.

One thing that I always keep in mind, Koan, is that addiction is not a white/black/jewish/female/poor man's/etc. disease. It affects anyone at anytime, regardless of age, race, creed, religion, etc.

For that little justification of "I can quit anytime", which is usually accompanied by "I just don't want to", I have a few things I do with clients that sometimes works, but it all depends on where they are in terms of what they want to do with their lives.

[koan]

I feel bad because I confirmed for him. I told him I believed him.
He knew I didn't believe him. I think. But I don't think I should have agreed. I still feel like I should say something. I just don't think it will make a difference.

[Mystery]

Originally Posted by koan

I feel bad because I confirmed for him. I told him I believed him.
He knew I didn't believe him. I think. But I don't think I should have agreed. I still feel like I should say something. I just don't think it will make a difference.

K, first of all. You could say something, sure, but you are more than likely right...it may not make a difference, although consistency is important. In other words, while you don't want to push (because that will just push them away or further into addiction), you also want to be honest and state your own feelings as well.

I'll try to provide some info on enabling and how not to do that in a "nice" way

[koan]

I'd appreciate that.
I'm not sure if I'll even hear from him anymore now that I've moved but I have been worried about him. Film industry They think they are sooooo cool.

[WonderWendy3]

Koan I'm sorry, I have a friend that went to prison for dealing drugs and he told me how his best clients were the very wealthy and successful pilars of society.

The sad thing is that he went to prison for 13 years and he was clean for about 3-4 years, and then slowly got back into it. I keep my distance, he knows how I feel about it.

It is very hard, I also have a child-hood friend that struggled with drugs all her life and she's clean, (re-connected over 25 years this summer) but she shared with me how it's a DAILY struggle.

All I can say is I understand...and I feel for you.

[koan]

I can't believe how long it took me to find out how many film crew members do coke. I guess that's because I had a child to get home to every night.

[WonderWendy3]

Originally Posted by koan

I can't believe how long it took me to find out how many film crew members do coke. I guess that's because I had a child to get home to every night.

that's show business huh?

[koan]

And the show will go on. With or without me. I prefer it without.