first time here and i have a big concern

justmom · 01-11-2005, 09:32 AM

Im a mother of a 21yrold girl and she has been disabled since birth with Spina Bifida.she walks with braces and cructhes.she works she goes to school.she even drives. and my problem has been that in the last year she has been watching what we consider alot of nudeystuff on her tv and online. we have talkedwith her about it and she just got mad and denied itall. and we understand her desire to have a boyfriend she has even had boyfriends and she has made alot of bad sexual decisions and we just took it as adolesents and that she was just acting normal and making mistakes she really desires to be like everyone else. but, we feellike she is doing it too often and we are afraid for her. she now has a webcam and we are really concerned with different things that we have seen that are on her computer and different sites that we see she has been to. i do not know how much is too much i do not know if you can even say she has a problem.i cant even find a way to talk with her about it. are any of you a parent of a have a disabled adult or has any of you experienced this type of behavior and have any suggestions for me. i really need some advice!

samanthaguy · 01-11-2005, 09:44 AM

I KNOW BEING A MOM YOU ARE CONCERNED BUT YOUR DAUGHTER SEEMS TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE WITH HER CONDITION. IM SURE ALL SHE WANTS IS TO BE NORMAL.21 IS THE SEXUAL PEAK AGE ( IM 22) THE BEST THING TO DO IS TALK TO HER ABOUT PROTECTION AND TELL HER SHES SMART AND YOU TRUST SHE WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONS. SHE SOUNDS LIKE SHE MAY BE TRYING TO PROVE TO YOU TAHT SHE IS NORMAL, AND ALOT OF YOUNG GIRLS THINK THET SEX IS THE WAY TO A MANS HEART YOU SHOULD TELL HER THATS NOT TRUE , TELL HER EVERY ONE HAS THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE AND SHE WILL FIND HIM SOME DAY.. YOU SHOULD JUST SIT HER DOWN AND TALK IT MIGHT BE HARD TO BEGIN WITH BUT THERES NO GREATER BOND THAN A MOTHER AND A DAUGHTER YOULL BE GLAD YOU DID...

purple · 01-11-2005, 11:30 AM

It seems to me that this doesn't have much to do with her disability, but rather her choice of activities that conflicts with your moral values.

Have a talk with her about your moral values and reasons behind them. She's at an age where she may accept or reject them.

Bill Sikes · 01-11-2005, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by samanthaguy

21 IS THE SEXUAL PEAK AGE

I disagree with this, I'd put it about 15 years later.

Quote:

Originally Posted by samanthaguy

ALOT OF YOUNG GIRLS THINK THET SEX IS THE WAY TO A MANS HEART YOU SHOULD TELL HER THATS NOT TRUE

Yup. Depends on the shallowness of the bloke's heart, though.

BTW, YOUR CAPS LOCK IS STUCK ON!!!!

BabyRider · 01-11-2005, 12:24 PM

It sounds to me like a very protective mom. Completely understandable, considering her ailment, but she is 21, and this disease does not affect her mind, is that correct? If she has her full mental capacity, I'd say that you need to treat her sexual activity the way you would ANY child's: Give advice, teach them how to be safe, be supportive, and realize that, at 21, you no longer have control over their decisions and actions. But always be there for them. As I have no doubt you are. Good Luck!

justmom · 01-11-2005, 01:00 PM

i appreciate all of your comments and she is all there mentally in some ways but, not others I know that alot of it is normal and she is trying to prove that she is like everyone else. but she isn't. it s scary our there especially with this type of stuff younever know whom she is talking with or what??? keep the comments coming! thanks

Florrie · 01-11-2005, 01:02 PM

justmom

Your daughter is fortunate to have such an understanding parent, as all too often people with physical disabilities in our society are often regarded as non-sexual adults.
Disability can present a barrier to the 'normal/routine' safe sex education and therefore deny basic right of expression. For some this can cause difficulties in social and personal development resulting in socially inappropriate behaviour and difficulties for disabled persons to distinguish between public and private behaviours. In addition opportunities for sexual exploration among disabled young people are limited.

There is often a lack of privacy, and disabled adults are much more likely to receive a negative reaction if discovered. It appears your daughter may have a physical disability but just like the rest of society is a normal sexual being, demonstrating her rights to privacy and ability to make her own choices and mistakes.
Nudity is also subjective to personal opinion and /or morals. In this case it may have nothing to do with sexuality but merely related to body image, either way she sounds like a perfectly normal adult.

Cass · 01-11-2005, 01:35 PM

I am not a psychologist... so this is only my opinion from what I have read.

I think your daughter, due to her disabilities feels undesireable.

In her mind the only way to get a man, or attention from men or be popular is to speak sexually, have sex, flirt etc... and now with the webcam thing her behavior may escalate.

Unfortunately, the kinds of men she will attract probably won't care about her, they just want sex, the kind of men she may meet online and use her webcam with also may just be after the sex experience and not have any real feelings for her.

She may discover on her own after some bad experiences that what she is doing is just not a positive thing for her. Do you watch her for signs of depression?

She is an adult and I can understand her wanting the fullfillment of a sexual relationship, she is curious and looks at porn online ~ lots of people do.

I understand her denying things to you - how embarrassing for her to have her parents questioning her sexual desires, feelings, activities.

I wonder if there is someone more 'neutral' that she trusts and will confide in??

Good Luck and let us know how she is doing.

BabyRider · 01-11-2005, 02:08 PM

Another thought, Justmom: Have you looked for insight in the "Physically Challenged" forum in the garden?

justmom · 01-11-2005, 04:14 PM

Loveme Lovemycat:
thanks, for your reply I appreciate it. You should be a psychologist.lol
I am trying to decide what is normal because there is alot of stuff on the computer and its just not what I would consider normal sexual content its alot of stuff that with out morals involved the content that is there is unbelivalble stuff bizarre things, we could understand if it was just normal man and women things but it is not. and it is more than just two or three websites its WAY more!
Baby rider thanks, for your replys and no we have not checked out the phsically chanllengd forum yet and we diffently will. we did not know of one but, we will check it out.
TO Everyone else, thanks for your time
justmom,justdad

01-11-2005, 09:32 AM	#1 (permalink)
justmom Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 6	first time here and i have a big concern Im a mother of a 21yrold girl and she has been disabled since birth with Spina Bifida.she walks with braces and cructhes.she works she goes to school.she even drives. and my problem has been that in the last year she has been watching what we consider alot of nudeystuff on her tv and online. we have talkedwith her about it and she just got mad and denied itall. and we understand her desire to have a boyfriend she has even had boyfriends and she has made alot of bad sexual decisions and we just took it as adolesents and that she was just acting normal and making mistakes she really desires to be like everyone else. but, we feellike she is doing it too often and we are afraid for her. she now has a webcam and we are really concerned with different things that we have seen that are on her computer and different sites that we see she has been to. i do not know how much is too much i do not know if you can even say she has a problem.i cant even find a way to talk with her about it. are any of you a parent of a have a disabled adult or has any of you experienced this type of behavior and have any suggestions for me. i really need some advice!
Local Time: 09:47 PM Local Date: 12-03-2008

01-11-2005, 09:44 AM	#2 (permalink)
samanthaguy Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: spartanburg south carolina Posts: 47	Re: first time here and i have a big concern I KNOW BEING A MOM YOU ARE CONCERNED BUT YOUR DAUGHTER SEEMS TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE WITH HER CONDITION. IM SURE ALL SHE WANTS IS TO BE NORMAL.21 IS THE SEXUAL PEAK AGE ( IM 22) THE BEST THING TO DO IS TALK TO HER ABOUT PROTECTION AND TELL HER SHES SMART AND YOU TRUST SHE WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONS. SHE SOUNDS LIKE SHE MAY BE TRYING TO PROVE TO YOU TAHT SHE IS NORMAL, AND ALOT OF YOUNG GIRLS THINK THET SEX IS THE WAY TO A MANS HEART YOU SHOULD TELL HER THATS NOT TRUE , TELL HER EVERY ONE HAS THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE AND SHE WILL FIND HIM SOME DAY.. YOU SHOULD JUST SIT HER DOWN AND TALK IT MIGHT BE HARD TO BEGIN WITH BUT THERES NO GREATER BOND THAN A MOTHER AND A DAUGHTER YOULL BE GLAD YOU DID... __________________ WHAT DOSENT KILL YOU, MAKES YOU STRONGER
Local Time: 09:47 PM Local Date: 12-03-2008

01-11-2005, 11:30 AM	#3 (permalink)
purple Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 25	Re: first time here and i have a big concern It seems to me that this doesn't have much to do with her disability, but rather her choice of activities that conflicts with your moral values. Have a talk with her about your moral values and reasons behind them. She's at an age where she may accept or reject them. __________________ ~~~~~~~~ "Some days, Robin, you just can't get rid of a bomb."
Local Time: 01:47 AM Local Date: 12-04-2008

01-11-2005, 12:24 PM	#5 (permalink)
BabyRider Missin and LOVIN Bullet Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: My own private Hell Posts: 10,069	Re: first time here and i have a big concern It sounds to me like a very protective mom. Completely understandable, considering her ailment, but she is 21, and this disease does not affect her mind, is that correct? If she has her full mental capacity, I'd say that you need to treat her sexual activity the way you would ANY child's: Give advice, teach them how to be safe, be supportive, and realize that, at 21, you no longer have control over their decisions and actions. But always be there for them. As I have no doubt you are. Good Luck! __________________ I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price. ~Darrel Worley~ Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN????? We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
Local Time: 12:47 AM Local Date: 12-04-2008

01-11-2005, 01:00 PM	#6 (permalink)
justmom Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 6	Re: first time here and i have a big concern i appreciate all of your comments and she is all there mentally in some ways but, not others I know that alot of it is normal and she is trying to prove that she is like everyone else. but she isn't. it s scary our there especially with this type of stuff younever know whom she is talking with or what??? keep the comments coming! thanks
Local Time: 09:47 PM Local Date: 12-03-2008

01-11-2005, 01:02 PM	#7 (permalink)
Florrie Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: UK Posts: 226	Re: first time here and i have a big concern justmom Your daughter is fortunate to have such an understanding parent, as all too often people with physical disabilities in our society are often regarded as non-sexual adults. Disability can present a barrier to the 'normal/routine' safe sex education and therefore deny basic right of expression. For some this can cause difficulties in social and personal development resulting in socially inappropriate behaviour and difficulties for disabled persons to distinguish between public and private behaviours. In addition opportunities for sexual exploration among disabled young people are limited. There is often a lack of privacy, and disabled adults are much more likely to receive a negative reaction if discovered. It appears your daughter may have a physical disability but just like the rest of society is a normal sexual being, demonstrating her rights to privacy and ability to make her own choices and mistakes. Nudity is also subjective to personal opinion and /or morals. In this case it may have nothing to do with sexuality but merely related to body image, either way she sounds like a perfectly normal adult.
Local Time: 09:47 PM Local Date: 12-03-2008

01-11-2005, 01:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
Cass Dumb sod in the Fifedom Supporting Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 1,191	Re: first time here and i have a big concern I am not a psychologist... so this is only my opinion from what I have read. I think your daughter, due to her disabilities feels undesireable. In her mind the only way to get a man, or attention from men or be popular is to speak sexually, have sex, flirt etc... and now with the webcam thing her behavior may escalate. Unfortunately, the kinds of men she will attract probably won't care about her, they just want sex, the kind of men she may meet online and use her webcam with also may just be after the sex experience and not have any real feelings for her. She may discover on her own after some bad experiences that what she is doing is just not a positive thing for her. Do you watch her for signs of depression? She is an adult and I can understand her wanting the fullfillment of a sexual relationship, she is curious and looks at porn online ~ lots of people do. I understand her denying things to you - how embarrassing for her to have her parents questioning her sexual desires, feelings, activities. I wonder if there is someone more 'neutral' that she trusts and will confide in?? Good Luck and let us know how she is doing.
Local Time: 01:47 AM Local Date: 12-04-2008

01-11-2005, 02:08 PM	#9 (permalink)
BabyRider Missin and LOVIN Bullet Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: My own private Hell Posts: 10,069	Re: first time here and i have a big concern Another thought, Justmom: Have you looked for insight in the "Physically Challenged" forum in the garden? __________________ I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price. ~Darrel Worley~ Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN????? We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
Local Time: 12:47 AM Local Date: 12-04-2008

01-11-2005, 04:14 PM	#10 (permalink)
justmom Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 6	Re: first time here and i have a big concern Loveme Lovemycat: thanks, for your reply I appreciate it. You should be a psychologist.lol I am trying to decide what is normal because there is alot of stuff on the computer and its just not what I would consider normal sexual content its alot of stuff that with out morals involved the content that is there is unbelivalble stuff bizarre things, we could understand if it was just normal man and women things but it is not. and it is more than just two or three websites its WAY more! Baby rider thanks, for your replys and no we have not checked out the phsically chanllengd forum yet and we diffently will. we did not know of one but, we will check it out. TO Everyone else, thanks for your time justmom,justdad
Local Time: 09:47 PM Local Date: 12-03-2008

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