"Beating" Domestic violence....

[BabyRider]

I have been pondering a new thread to post, and I hope this one gets the responses it is meant to inspire.

I have noticed, in my browsing through the forum, that several women here allude to having been in situations of domestic violence. (I refuse to use the term "victim".) And I would love to hear the stories of their survival, how they got out, and the changes that have resulted in their lives because of their experience.

I do not mean this as a topic for "man-bashing", as I think that it is pointless, and offensive. But I would like to hear inspirational stories! My own is rather enlightening, and I'll post it later, if I get any replies to this one! Another part of my intention here, is hoping that our stories may be seen by someone in a situation like this, and be helped by them.

[persephone]

To stop it being a thread about men-bashing, when I first met my friends son, who is the same age as me, he had black eyes and cuts all over his face... It was Christmas 2003 and I assumed he had been in a drunken fight as lads tend to get into from time to time.
A few months later, I learned the truth.

His girlfriend is a drug user and beats him up, this past November it continued out onto the street where a passer by assumed it was him beating on her and help him long enough for his nose to be broken and a few ribs, by her.

He has again gone back to her because he says he loves her.

Her previous boyfriend jumped out of a second floor window to get away from her breaking his leg, everyone also assumed she was defending herself.

[capt_buzzard]

Originally Posted by BabyRider

I have been pondering a new thread to post, and I hope this one gets the responses it is meant to inspire.

I have noticed, in my browsing through the forum, that several women here allude to having been in situations of domestic violence. (I refuse to use the term "victim".) And I would love to hear the stories of their survival, how they got out, and the changes that have resulted in their lives because of their experience.

I do not mean this as a topic for "man-bashing", as I think that it is pointless, and offensive. But I would like to hear inspirational stories! My own is rather enlightening, and I'll post it later, if I get any replies to this one! Another part of my intention here, is hoping that our stories may be seen by someone in a situation like this, and be helped by them.

Good Point BabyRider.

[BabyRider]

It's unfortunate, and true, that domestic violence is not a male-only crime. We don't hear about it as much because men feel ashamed if they are getting hit by a woman. Which is absurd, because violence is violence, no matter who is committing it. So yes, please, let's avoid bashing any men here. I'm looking for inspiration, not bitterness and vengefulness. Thanks for pointing this out letha!

[persephone]

It is absurd, but again it is a society issue. Society still finds it difficult to except that things have turned and the women is not the defenceless creature she once was.

[Peg]

I stayed in an abusive marriage for 3 1/2 years. Why? I loved him and every time he promised to change, I so hoped he would. When I filed for divorce, it was a spur of the moment thing. Things had been going good for about a week and I was waiting for the bomb to drop. I woke up one more and decided I couldn't live like that, knowing if he didn't kill me, I would kill him in order to survive. I called an attorney and went in that day. I sold Avon to pay for my divorce. Me, being a sucker, let him stay until the final divorce at which time the judge told him I wanted him out and to get out. He left with me promising to go on a date with him. When it came time for the date, I became ill and couldn't go. What a coincidence! He was watching my doors, looking in my windows, etc. Finally I told him a neighbor gave me a gun, he taught me to shoot, would I use it? I babysat which paid my rent, etc. Finally, his dad paid him to move to Florida under the condition he never came back because the FBI and state fire marshall were asking questions about him. That was 22 years ago and I haven't seen him since. This lying, drinking, abusive person became a preacher from what I hear. Divorcing him was the best thing I ever did in my life. I don't know how or why I stayed because I honestly believe that if my husband ever even threatened to hit me, I'd probably kick him out and never look back. Not for the lack of love, but because I now know I deserve better than to be treated as a punching bag.

[Florrie]

And the hidden stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Kids beating up on parents

[BabyRider]

Originally Posted by Florrie

And the hidden stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Kids beating up on parents

Florrie, while I know of this problem and am sympathetic to anyone in a situation like that, I am hoping for survivors of domestic violence between husbands and wives or boyfriends and girlfriends, etc...(or anyone with experience) to share the stories of their circumstances. Perhaps your topic is for a whole separate thread, seeing as the implications of each are so different? I do think it is very important, just such a separate set of problems.

[Paula]

I think every-one one time or another has experienced domestic violence? Lady-cop is correct and knows the best, that drugs and booze plays a big role. women are more into these days meth, crack cocaine, etc..these are very addicting. IF they only knew what a BETTER life they would have WITHOUT DRUGS. Domestic violence can turn habitual. Why can't this country give money to help people here start a new life. Indonesia will be far better of now with the help it is getting? It will be a better place in the long run!

[BabyRider]

Originally Posted by Paula

I think every-one one time or another has experienced domestic violence?

I think there would be several people who would disagree with you, Paula. What is your story about domestic violence? I'll tell you mine, since that's what this discussion is for. NOT to discuss the evils of drug abuse. And while I agree that LadyCop has seen more than most, both in her professional and personal life, her input about drugs is a bit more "to-the-point". So here's my story, maybe this will get the ball rolling. And thanks to Peg, for your effort!
I was 24 when I met "Dan". Had a wonderful time with him, for about 3 months. The first time I pissed him off, was in front of a crowd of my "friends." He asked to talk to me outside, in the backyard, where he promptly knocked me down, and grabbed my head with both hands, twisted, and tried, very hard, to break my neck. I was so shocked and taken by surprise that I couldn't respond in any way. Not to mention the fact that I couldn't breathe. When he let go, I lay there, trying to make sense of what happened, and he split. The next day, he came over, crying, begging forgiveness, swearing up and down that it would never EVER happen again. I was to hear that lie MANY times in the next 5 years. I won't go into all the gory details, but for a general idea, I have been knocked down flights of stairs, (once with a 50 lb. bag of dog food, THAT was an interesting trip) punched in the face more times than I can count, punched in my stomach, and my head, bitten, (once to the point I thought I would lose 2 fingers), slapped, thrown down, thrown from moving vehicles, tripped, choked, and slammed in the head and face with cupboard and refrigerator doors. I was in the hospital more than once, and had to make up new and ever-more creative lies to my family and co-workers. All the while making excuses for him. When I had had enough, for the LAST time, I was out with some friends, without him. I was leaving, sitting in my car, letting it warm up before pulling out, when the driver's side window blew in, shattering all over me, down my shirt, in my face, everywhere. I turned to see what the hell happened, and was looking into the barrel of a rifle. It's really true, what they say about seeing your life flash before your eyes. That does happen. We just sat there, for what was probably 3 or 4 seconds and felt like 3 hours. He swore, pulled the gun out of my face and walked off. I took off as fast as I could, once my heart started beating again, and cried for 2 days. I spent several months doing nothing but working and sleeping, certainly not dating! I wanted nothing to do with men, thank you very much.
Then one day a friend took me to a party and I met another, very nice, man. I agreed to go on a date with him, and he was to pick me up the following Friday. When he got to my house, I was not quite ready and was pulling on my shoes, holding myself up with one hand against a wall, right by a window. My date is sitting across from me, when he gets this look on his face...hard to explain it...it went from confusion, to concern, to anger, all in about 2 seconds. Then I heard my window being opened, turned, and coming through the window is Dan's hand, wrapping into my hair and trying to pull me through the window. I locked up, just froze, and looked to my date, and he was already on his way out the door.
By the time I got to the driveway, Dan had a broken nose and was bleeding everywhere. I was stunned. I couldn't believe that this "person" who had tortured me for so long could actually be hurt! But he was. He tried to come after me anyway, but my date was having none of that.
Apparently, he had been watching me all the time. He was happy to keep his distance as long as I was alone, but the first time he saw a man come to my house, he snapped. Again. He came back later and slashed all of my date's tires. Finally, someone was going to press charges on this guy that would stick! Nope. He got probation, and continued to stalk me and harass me for years. I don't know if he just tired of it, or what, but every few years, I run into him. I was at a July 4th festival and he just stepped out of the crowd right in front of me. I still have nightmares. These are the effects this situation had on me. The bad ones. But you know what? I'm here. I found a man I love more than anything in the world, I learned to trust people again, and I beat him. He no longer controls my life.
There are ways out, there are things you can do to make yourself safe. I will never be a victim again. I am whole, and proof that a woman CAN get out of a situation like this. She just needs to realize that she is worth more than this kind of life. And now I know I am.