Left behind ...

[Amie]

My best friend died unexpectedly on the 25 February. She was 28 years old. It was a huge shock. She had an ankle reconstruction two weeks prior to her death. The hour before she died, they say a blood clot travelled up her leg, into her lungs, before finally hitting her brain causing a brain embolism and killing her.

Anyway... I miss my friend. I feel like it's just not right, it should have been me.

I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of breaking down completely. I don't know what to do, or even if I want to do anything.

This world's no good without her.

[Carl44]

you are probably feeling guilty as you are alive and she is dead , but life goes on its only early yet grief lasts for years , your friend would not want you to grieve for too long , think of the good times you had and try to be happy

I'm so sorry Amie. I guess it's only natural that you will feel like this for a while, it always feels like the end of the world when someone you love goes, especially when it's so unexpected. Once the initial shock has passed, talking about her will help a lot. Even though you might feel like being on your own right now, being with others that knew and loved her too can be really good for helping all of you deal with the grief. Talk to us about her too if it helps.

[K.Snyder]

I'm sorry to hear that Amie...I'm quite sure she wouldn't want you to be upset about it...Some things happen, and life can't always be the perfect scenario, no matter how much we all wish it was...I'm sure she was more than honored to have you as a friend, but I'm almost as sure that she would want you to move on and to be the best person you can be, all the while she will be with you in your heart...I know she wouldn't want you to be sad about it, as she knows how much you cherished her friendship, as much as she cherished yours...We're all here, and couldn't think of a better reason than to be your friend either.

[Peg]

I was 19 when my best friend died. I'm 46 now and I still miss him. time makes it easier. While it doesn't seem like it now, it DOES get easier. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time, even one minute at a time. PM me any time. We're all here for you.

[CrazyCruizChick]

So sad to hear about your friend Amie , keep being strong .

[Galbally]

Hiya Amie, a friend of mine called Trevor from Ireland died in the same way. He went over to LA when he was young and became a very successful model maker, he built models for all the big movies and their effects (he helped build the ship in Titanic) he was a talented, successful, good-looking, lucky guy, and he was a nice fella with it. Then 3 years ago, he was working in Thailand on a movie, on the models, one night he just died, he was 34, people started rumours saying it was drugs, but the autopsy found that a blood clot has developed in his leg (possibly during the flight from LA to Thailand), it moved up his body, and killed him, so senseless, such a terrible thing to happen. What can you do?

I had another friend who was beaten to death in Prague in the Czech republic in November 2005 during a mugging, he was 35, a musician and a lovely fella as well. Life is awful sometimes, I don't have any advice on what you should do, just hope that you get yourself through you own feelings of loss, and support your friends other friends and family if you know them. Take care.

[chonsigirl]

What Peg has said is true, it will be a little better over time. As long as they live in our hearts, they are always with us.

[Amie]

I just don't breathe right anymore. I'm so angry. When I'm not angry, I'm in complete despair.

I sit at work and want nothing more than to just pack my **** up and walk out. There just seems to be no point to anything. I get up in the morning and get in the shower and get out and get dressed and then go to put my make-up on, and I see my reflection .. my eyes, and the next thing I know.. it's 40 minutes later and I haven't moved an inch. Then I turn around and glaring right at me is a picture of her with me at my wedding. Smiling at me, and i get so angry she never got to go to her own.

I just can't breathe right.

[Amie]

Thanks for the kind words everyone. I'm not really sure why I posted here, or what I was hoping to get from it. I think I just wanted to not feel so alone in this agony. Maybe one day those kind words will help me, and bring me comfort, but ..... that day is not today.