the bad dreams....

[RedGlitter]

I fell asleep a while ago and woke up fast and hard out of a nightmare about my mom. It was late, like 12:30 and we "realized" she hadn't come home from work. It had happened before when she was gambling and doing well but this time was different. We knew something bad happened. Just before I woke from the dream, I was yelling at a friend of hers because I knew I needed to go to the morgue to see if my mother was there but the friend was making fun of my mom's clothes.

I woke up and cried. I don't know why I dream this stuff. I either have dreams that mom has cancer again and we're reliving it or crazy dreams like this. Ones where I'm looking for her. I was there when my mother died and I think I handled it okay. I didn't say all the things I'd want to say now but at the time, enough was said. I had promised her when the cancer went to her brain that when her time came, I would do everything I could to make it as easy as possible for her and I tried to do just that. So why can't I just have nice remembrances of Mom instead of these damned sorry things that make me cry like a child? I think if I were to bash my head against a rock, it would maybe kill some of this other pain.

I just realized it's March and the 4th passed without me realizing the significance. That's never happened before. It's now been nine months.

[minks]

Originally Posted by RedGlitter

I fell asleep a while ago and woke up fast and hard out of a nightmare about my mom. It was late, like 12:30 and we "realized" she hadn't come home from work. It had happened before when she was gambling and doing well but this time was different. We knew something bad happened. Just before I woke from the dream, I was yelling at a friend of hers because I knew I needed to go to the morgue to see if my mother was there but the friend was making fun of my mom's clothes.

I woke up and cried. I don't know why I dream this stuff. I either have dreams that mom has cancer again and we're reliving it or crazy dreams like this. Ones where I'm looking for her. I was there when my mother died and I think I handled it okay. I didn't say all the things I'd want to say now but at the time, enough was said. I had promised her when the cancer went to her brain that when her time came, I would do everything I could to make it as easy as possible for her and I tried to do just that. So why can't I just have nice remembrances of Mom instead of these damned sorry things that make me cry like a child? I think if I were to bash my head against a rock, it would maybe kill some of this other pain.

I just realized it's March and the 4th passed without me realizing the significance. That's never happened before. It's now been nine months.

Aw Glittery One I can only offer you up many huggs

[K.Snyder]

Originally Posted by RedGlitter

I fell asleep a while ago and woke up fast and hard out of a nightmare about my mom. It was late, like 12:30 and we "realized" she hadn't come home from work. It had happened before when she was gambling and doing well but this time was different. We knew something bad happened. Just before I woke from the dream, I was yelling at a friend of hers because I knew I needed to go to the morgue to see if my mother was there but the friend was making fun of my mom's clothes.

I woke up and cried. I don't know why I dream this stuff. I either have dreams that mom has cancer again and we're reliving it or crazy dreams like this. Ones where I'm looking for her. I was there when my mother died and I think I handled it okay. I didn't say all the things I'd want to say now but at the time, enough was said. I had promised her when the cancer went to her brain that when her time came, I would do everything I could to make it as easy as possible for her and I tried to do just that. So why can't I just have nice remembrances of Mom instead of these damned sorry things that make me cry like a child? I think if I were to bash my head against a rock, it would maybe kill some of this other pain.

I just realized it's March and the 4th passed without me realizing the significance. That's never happened before. It's now been nine months.

You will Terri...It just takes time for you to come to terms with it...It's not been very long since she passed right?...It's never easy losing someone you love, especially your parents...Just think of how much she loved you and everyone around you and how much she was loved as well...Life is a gift, but sadly we all can't live it forever.

[Carl44]

sorry you had bad dreams too red , I cant believe it I came in from work and told sue about my nightmare last night , I was in the hospital and my brother who died and my cuz sam who died where there and were both alive , they needed one of my kidneys to keep them alive I had the op and was walking around the hospital with it in a dish I could hear casey and Sam calling out for me but no matter how many corridoors I walked down or how many doors I tried I could not find them all the time in my dream I knew I must hurry as the kidney was going off ...... beats me too but I woke up in some state of distress I can tell you

[RedGlitter]

Aw Jim. That's a terrible dream. I felt that one. I can only imagine. It doesn't seem fair that we have to keep living it over and over. Right now something really cool is going on for me and my mom would be the first person I'd tell but I can't. Of course I *can* if I want to talk to air but you know...there's that vaccuum. I'm so sorry about your dream. As least we're in each other's good company, eh?

[Carl44]

strange we both had them on the same night though I think with grief its 3 steps foreward 2 steps back I was only thinking yesterday how well I was coping then have a night like last night but today it was a lovelly sunny day the sort of day that makes you feel glad to be alive and I was thinking about how lovely it will be to see chantelle and how lovelly it would of been for sam and casey to of been able to of met her again ,they both never stopped asking about her for all those long years she was missing ,I will be sure to tell her all about them ,its funny how thing go ,but its onwards and upwards I remain possitive and my out look is good , my loved ones would be pleased how dispite every thing I have never ever given up ,whats the saying its not the size of the dog in the fight ,its the size of the fight in the dog that counts or something like that , I know your strong too and your mom would be soooo proud of you

[guppy]

guppy hugs for red glitter and jimbo..... all i can say is you are both very special to me and i am blessed to know you both...i am deeply sorry for both your losses and the pain you feel because of it....

[Carl44]

Originally Posted by guppy

guppy hugs for red glitter and jimbo..... all i can say is you are both very special to me and i am blessed to know you both...i am deeply sorry for both your losses and the pain you feel because of it....

THANKS GUPPY

[RedGlitter]

Thanks Jim. I have to say having you here has made things a lot easier. I still remember that first post you made. Won't forget it.

Thanks Gup, you know I think the world of you too.

[Carl44]

Originally Posted by RedGlitter

Thanks Jim. I have to say having you here has made things a lot easier. I still remember that first post you made. Won't forget it.

Thanks Gup, you know I think the world of you too.

you really have helped me through tough times too red ,joining fg was the best thing I could of done ,we all help each other here, for we know that here at fg and for me its only here ,there are people living your nightmare and here there are people feeling the same pain you feel,and here they are being stung by the same salty tears of grief you cry, thanks too all of you that have helped me and my friends through the most difficult of times