Beautiful Ben

[beautifulben'smum]

Hello everybody, it has been a while since I posted anything and things have changed a lot since. My darling son, Ben, died at 5.55pm on 3rd February 2007 to the beast, brain stem glioma. He fought valiantly for over 14 months but in the end the beast won. His last few weeks were spent at "Treetops" a Children's Hospice run by the Donna Louise Trust in Trentham, Stoke on Trent. The care and support that Ben and all his family received there was outstanding.

Life without Ben, what can I say? I know many of you have been where I am now. My feelings change from one minute to the next. I alternate between devastation, despair, anger, bitterness, numbness. You name it, I feel it. I live day by day, just grateful to get through. My 6yr old, Ashley and my wonderful husband David, give me reason to keep going but it is still so very hard. Sometimes I think I just can't bear to feel this pain any longer and I just want to be at peace with my darling Ben. I then try to remember that I know he would want me to go on and to be ok. Some days I do smile and laugh and then wonder how I could have done that? People who see me out and about remark on how well I am coping - if only they knew! What do they expect me do do, walk around crying 24/7?!

Anyway, enough whingeing on. My heart and thoughts are with anyone and everyone who has suffered the loss of a child. God bless all the children in heaven.

Julie x

[minks]

Beams and positive thoughts to you.

[Imladris]

Julie, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Thank you for letting us know about Ben.

Please come here whenever you need someone to sound off to, there are plenty who will listen. There will always be an ear for you here and we would love to hear more of Ben. You may like to keep a journal here.

PM me any time.

Helen x

[Sweet Tooth]

Hey Julie,
I know I don't know you, I've only been a member here for a few months, but I can NOT even imagine how you are feeling.I miscarried about 2 years ago and thought my world was over. I had my first daughter a little over a year ago and couldn't imagine life without her. I guess I would consider myself lucky with the first miscarraige because I never got to meet the little one and live everyday with it and watch it grow. My heart cries for you and I hope that you never give up hope. You and your family are definatly in my prayers. Stay strong for the rest of your family! They still need their wife/mom! Much love!

Sarah

[Carl44]

my thoughts are with you ,we are all here if you need to talk

[Patsy Warnick]

I'm so so sorry for your loss.
I know from my own loss - it takes part of your soul.
FG is very supportive - vent anytime.

Patsy

[cherandbuster]

Please know you are in my thoughts -- I send only my very best your way

[WonderWendy3]

Bens Mum, my heart breaks for you, I know what it is to lose a child and it is heart-breaking. We will be here to listen, and share and sincerely care. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

We recently found a chat room at the garden if you hit home and then find chat and go in there, I would be more than happy to chat, or just read/listen to anything you want to share.

[abbey]

's to you Julie.
You have 15 years of lovely memories of your lovely son.

Take care, your husband and Ashley must be so proud to have a loving mother and wife.
Dont be a stranger eh?

[chonsigirl]

Hugs and prayers for you and your family, Julie.