FG's Got Talent - The Poetry Round 1

[koan]

I'm going to specialize this game into subjects.

FG has a bunch of poets and a bunch of incredibly witty people so here's the game:

• Enter a poem in the competition that is at least 5 lines and no more than 12
• The poem must use the word "butter" and be funny
• A poll will be added in one week to vote for the funniest poem
• You can only enter one poem so make sure it is the one

Good Luck!

Anyone who feels like playing the Simon Cowell of poetry can comment in the commentary thread.
link
This thread is for contestants only.

Okay, here's mine:

Koan gave us the idea to write
of the things you can do with butter
but try as hard I might
I can't get my mind out of the gutter.

You can use it to grease your pan
you can smear it on your meat
Tell me - who isn't a fan
of buttery toast to eat?

For a tasty mouthful you should select
a big old knob of butter -
well, what kind of poem did you expect
from your resident FG nutter?

[zinkyusa]

I likes to rub girlies with butter;
but please no one tell my mutter.
Cuz she'll let out a shout!
Make me pull it out,
and cut off my putter and nutters!!

[WonderWendy3]

There once was a man from nantucket
He was a dairy farmer
who carried his butter in a bucket
Yes, he was a charmer

One day he fell down the hill
tripped over a rock
and the butter did spill
lucky for him he caught it in his sock.

Lesson to be learned here and now
when handling butter
Should have listened to Betsy the cow
Become a shoe salesman and step away from the Utter.

Ahem...

I dated a girl of beauty and class

My heart thumped and shattered as if made of glass

Each time we met my love continued to grow

So one day i took it out and gave her a show

Butter Father was watching from behind the door

He said "Take that you twat" as i hit the floor.


Not bad for a first attempt he.

[Chookie]

Pinky loves the whips of leather
She even loves the bloody weather.
Pinky is gorgeous, Pinky is great,
Pinky's a dolly, Pinky's a mate.
Pinky does curse and Pinky does rave
when butter's applied, Pinky's depraved.

[spot]

I should never have whipped this off. I hope I'm excused for a momentary aberration.

For a woman who says she's refined
Lady Grace ought to make up her mind
If she's put on her back
She just yawns and goes slack
But she screams if you butt'er behind.

Koan mentioned the word butter
And suddenly I became all a flutter.
You put cold butter on the lumps on your head
Some people even use it in bed
I've heard people say, I've heard them utter
Throw out that margerine and give me butter

SO hail the cow and hail the cream
And hail the bloke in the butter fact-ory
So lets tuck in to our butter and bread
And we'll all sleep soundly when we go to bed



yes I'm aware that was stupid

[chonsigirl]

crunch time
when hunger hits,
below the ample belt,
don’t ration out peanut butter!
bread loaf,
smoothed gently over every slice
with sweet ambrosia,
sprinkled with
jelly

This is in the form of a BUTTERfly Cinquain

[Tater Tazz]

When she gazed into his eyes and saw him sweetly smile, her heart would really flutter. But, alas, all she could think of was that guy from the butter.