Being alone is not always a choice

[hairygarden1]

Sometimes people that don't want to be alone and did not do anything to end up alone end up that way. I fully believe that I am cursed. I'm a nice person, I don't smell, I've never done anything to hurt anyone and still I rarely can find a friend to be with. I haven't been in a relationship in over five years and I'm an attractive woman. People for some reason just do not like me. I've been accused of being alone on purpose, which is not true at all. I have even had people have the nerve to say to me-you are always alone, do you not need people. Of course I need friends and love, I say to them, I'm human and those needs have to be fulfilled. I've asked people to be forward with me and tell me why no one likes me and no one has an answer. Children like me, babies like me and even animals like me. But almost all adults do not like me. I really need some feed back on this.

[BabyRider]

Are you sure that adults don't like you? It's kind of difficult to give you any thoughts on this when I don't really know you. As for being alone, (as in not having a significant other) I see nothing wrong with this. A person does not have to be in a relationship to be whole. In fact, it's my opinion that when a person can be truly happy with just themself for company, they are a better candidate for a relationship, when that time comes.
On the other hand, maybe you're just selective, and unwilling to "settle" for just anyone who comes along so as not to be alone. Also not a bad thing. I'm not sure that helps, but it's just one person's perspective.

[Paula]

Well you are not alone here, send a picture of you so we can see? And to say, i don't smell is so funny. To some degree i can relate as i am not the type to be overly friendly, i keep to myself too. Coming here fills time in my life i would otherwise be doing work. Do you have any interests and what are they?

[Cass]

Gee thats a tough one... I think it would be terrible to think that people dont' like me. I am wondering are you tolerant and accepting of peoples faults or are you a perfectionist with high standards in what you expect from a friend/partner?

[Paula]

You identify yourself as hairygarden? Do you have a facial hair problem or a visual deformity? Your last relationship was what? Are you a member of another forum? give some more clues?

[A Karenina]

This is a tough love approach, but I do care - or I wouldn't be responding.

Originally Posted by hairygarden1

Sometimes people that don't want to be alone and did not do anything to end up alone end up that way.

How can you be where you are and not be responsible for where you are?

My favorite therapist (we can pick THAT apart later, LOL)...my favorite therapist often talked about our defense mechanism, and subconscious behaviors. He said that we often outgrow the need for specific defenses, and yet our subconscious doesn't catch up with that. We repeat the same behaviors because they are what we know...not necessarily what's best for us.

Is it possible that at one point in your life you felt safe by keeping people at an emotional distance? And now, you longer have that need, but your defense mechanisms automatically kick in, pushing people away?

Originally Posted by hairygarden1

I fully believe that I am cursed.

If you believe yourself to be cursed, then you are. If you believe you are nice and non-smelly, then you are. We really are what we think we are. We project our own thoughts of ourself to others, and they respond to those thoughts. Make sense?

Originally Posted by hairygarden1

I've never done anything to hurt anyone

We've all hurt people, usually without intending to. I think you are referring to physical harm and extreme situations...but it was worth mentioning. There is already a victim trend going here. Do you see it? If you can see it, you can stop it, change it, and become empowered over your own life.

Originally Posted by hairygarden1

and still I rarely can find a friend to be with. I haven't been in a relationship in over five years and I'm an attractive woman. People for some reason just do not like me. I've been accused of being alone on purpose, which is not true at all. I have even had people have the nerve to say to me-you are always alone, do you not need people.

Well, many things could be happening here. Why do you think people say that to you? Are these people you work with? Do you use a different persona at work? (I do.)
What do you say to these people when they claim you don't need people? Do you show vulnerability?

Originally Posted by hairygarden1

I've asked people to be forward with me and tell me why no one likes me and no one has an answer.

They probably don't know you. If you aren't close to anyone, then how can they judge who you are? They can't like or dislike you - they don't have a clue about you.

I'd like to talk to you more about empowering yourself. It starts with taking responsibility for where you are. If you can't do that, then you can never take the steps needed to move beyond this point.

It's really ok to look at yourself honestly, to see both the good and the bad, and to accept that you are who you are...at the same time realizing that you can be even better, happier, stronger, more at peace tomorrow.

If I've hurt you, then I am sorry. But this is what I see. And I always believe in hope, growth, and potential for everyone.

[weeder]

Originally Posted by hairygarden1

Sometimes people that don't want to be alone and did not do anything to end up alone end up that way. I fully believe that I am cursed. I'm a nice person, I don't smell, I've never done anything to hurt anyone and still I rarely can find a friend to be with. I haven't been in a relationship in over five years and I'm an attractive woman. People for some reason just do not like me. I've been accused of being alone on purpose, which is not true at all. I have even had people have the nerve to say to me-you are always alone, do you not need people. Of course I need friends and love, I say to them, I'm human and those needs have to be fulfilled. I've asked people to be forward with me and tell me why no one likes me and no one has an answer. Children like me, babies like me and even animals like me. But almost all adults do not like me. I really need some feed back on this.

Firstl, my heart goes out to you. If you are able to describe yourself and the feelings you have about being alone here.. so openly.. thats a great quality right there. The ability to be so opened. I would have to know how old you are to give better advice,, Because if your in your twenties.. your possibly over reacting to the length of years youve been on your own. Im 53 havent been in a relationship in 4 years. I have been before. And I do have friends. I can tell you this.. I meet many single women in my age bracket, lets say 40 to 55.They probobly would like to describe their lack of companions exactly the way you did.. Of course they dont. Where do you work? Where do you socialize? what are your hobbies?
Look around you.. you will see all kinds of couples.. Some paired off people arent very good looking.... some are beautiful... some not so smart.. some very smart
some even smell..( Im laughing myself to death with that one.. Said it to make you laugh! My point is there is someone for everyone..... If thats what you want. Im not bad looking,not obese. pretty smart, I dont smell.. and I dont have anyone.Have to be honest and say.. I dont go looking for anyone either. But lets just say I made it a priority to find someone. Put as much effort into it as I do my work..or even participating here... I could have someone in a couple of weeks.
The big question is.. What would I have? Go do something you love to do... and you will find someome to love.. And dont say the things about yourself you said here to anyone face to face... Or they will run for the hills....

[Bill Sikes]

Originally Posted by hairygarden1

Sometimes people that don't want to be alone and did not do anything to end up alone end up that way. I fully believe that I am cursed. I'm a nice person, I don't smell, I've never done anything to hurt anyone and still I rarely can find a friend to be with. I haven't been in a relationship in over five years and I'm an attractive woman. People for some reason just do not like me. I've been accused of being alone on purpose, which is not true at all. I have even had people have the nerve to say to me-you are always alone, do you not need people. Of course I need friends and love, I say to them, I'm human and those needs have to be fulfilled. I've asked people to be forward with me and tell me why no one likes me and no one has an answer. Children like me, babies like me and even animals like me. But almost all adults do not like me. I really need some feed back on this.

Please enclose scratch'n'sniff picture and life history for a frank yet sympathetic diagnosis. Just keeping posting might be useful.

[Misha]

Originally Posted by hairygarden1

Sometimes people that don't want to be alone and did not do anything to end up alone end up that way. I fully believe that I am cursed. I'm a nice person, I don't smell, I've never done anything to hurt anyone and still I rarely can find a friend to be with. I haven't been in a relationship in over five years and I'm an attractive woman. People for some reason just do not like me. I've been accused of being alone on purpose, which is not true at all. I have even had people have the nerve to say to me-you are always alone, do you not need people. Of course I need friends and love, I say to them, I'm human and those needs have to be fulfilled. I've asked people to be forward with me and tell me why no one likes me and no one has an answer. Children like me, babies like me and even animals like me. But almost all adults do not like me. I really need some feed back on this.

Hello, Always alone
I have been cursed with the same condition for the last 20 years.
Though I have had acquantances, they never were my trusted friends.
I have felt that I may be paying some kind of karmic debt though that may not be rational. I can't say that people don't like me but they seem indifferent and hypocritical. I am a gentle soul who is kind to all whom I meet but can never attract someone of the opposite sex though they will talk to me but that is all.
I have been in short term relationships and for whatever reason, no one ever commits. Maybe I choose the wrong types. Or that my being a nice guy makes the other person feel inferior to what I do for them.
I know who I am and have great confidence in my abilities and personality.
I am an empatath and so I come off as sensitive.
But enough for now as I do not know if you are ever returning to this forum as your date is last year.

Well, this is a good place to make friends, Misha. Welcome to FG and I hope you enjoy your time here.