The Value of Honesty In a Relationship

[Charlie]

I think we can all agree that honesty is the foundation of a solid relationship, but to what extent is it compulsary? Every guy in here will agree that 'honestly' telling your girlfriend she doens't look good in something she's just purchased is probably not a relationship strengthener. Conversely, us fellas do not love being told that you care not at all for our sports, video games, and other such activities.

So my question is this, at what point, and under what circumstances is it okay to lie in a relationship?

[weeder]

Originally Posted by Charlie

I think we can all agree that honesty is the foundation of a solid relationship, but to what extent is it compulsary? Every guy in here will agree that 'honestly' telling your girlfriend she doens't look good in something she's just purchased is probably not a relationship strengthener. Conversely, us fellas do not love being told that you care not at all for our sports, video games, and other such activities.

So my question is this, at what point, and under what circumstances is it okay to lie in a relationship?

Deciding not to be brutally honest, does not create a liscence to be dishonest.
It is sometimes wiser to keep painful observations to ones self. Lying causes pain when the truth is revealed. Distinguishing between the two is a fine line. It is the ability to discern which is acquired by a moral concience as we live and learn.

[Peg]

The trick is to be honest without being visicious. I'd rather my husband tell me that I don't look good in something, than to have my best friend tell me after he's let me wear it 10 times.

[lady cop]

hi Charlie, and welcome to FG! as to honesty, i just hook 'em up to the polygraph! just kidding!

[koan]

Honesty is the most important thing to me in a relationship. Tact is helpful but not essential. If my partner lies about liking a bad haircut I can understand that the haircut can not be returned or the hair put back on my head so stating dislike is rather pointless. But if they dislike it and tell me I don't mind either. The more honest someone is the more you can be sure where you stand with them. But everyone is different. I like blunt honesty because I am bluntly honest. To a fault.

[CARLA]

Without HONESTY you can't have any kind of relationships..!! , and that includes yourself.

It is the first thing we all look for in people, if they aren't honest, then there will never be trust, and if you can't trust someone, you can't continue a relationship with them for very long. Well at least I can't

[Der Wulf]

I think that honesty per se, is a moot issue. The primary issue has to be respect. If you truely respect your mate, you will consistantly do what's in her best interest. Using the example of appearance, would you be less honest with your mate, than you would be with your male buddy's?

Truth is, if she's not your best buddy, then your relationship has little chance of survival.

[CARLA]

DER WULF,

I agee with you, respect is crucial, without it no relationship lasts very long...

How do you respect someone who isn't honest?? Honesty is the cornerstone for all relationships.

[valerie]

Originally Posted by lady cop

hi Charlie, and welcome to FG! as to honesty, i just hook 'em up to the polygraph! just kidding!

HA! And then you come across someone like Gary Ridgeway who aces one
of those suckers... only to be found out what 20 years later that he did it?
(Green River Killer)

My husband and I are honest with each other and respect each other, but
when it comes to some things like "fashion" I don't worry too much about
what he says 'cause the poor dear doesn't really have that much hmmm
how to say it... artistic sense? If he told me something looked awful but
I knew it looked good, I would go with my gut. Not that I'm a fashion plate
or anything, but I've caved sometimes on household stuff that I forever after
surely wish I hadn't!!

[MarylinMonroe]

A good thread - anyone who reads my posts will know I REALLY value honesty. Then again I don't take bad truths well, better if put nicely. One of the main reasons I've had probs with my bloke recently is about honesty. He often thinks I'll be mad if he tells the absolute truth and so has sometimes avoided that. I understand the mentality, but the truth hurts much more once it's been turned into a lie. Once I know I've been lied to that truth becomes far more painful than it should have been because there's a sense of build-up and you feel a fool for putting your trust in someone. If it's over worries or insecurities you have (as in my case) it can be VERY hurtful cos you believe that person (I've been trying really hard to BELIEVE and TRUST people which I find hard) and you feel let down on top of everything else. I certainly felt, being lied to, I wasn't being respected, especially as I made it clear that the pain would be much worse if he lied to me and it was just so much better for us both that he was honest, even if it hurt. His trouble is, I think he isn't always sure how to put something tactfully. Men tend to think so rationally and practically they make statements of fact without thinking about how to phrase it carefully so as not to offend. My guy will even say things that aren't his own opinion as though they are opinional fact sometimes because when I'm upset he goes into rational overdrive - kinda scary for an emotional bod like me!!

I guess I'm honest to a fault some of the time. I can be pretty blunt about someone I don't like but only to their face if I REALLY dislike them! As a result, I can show very aggressive anger to my boyfriend and use impersonal insults, but I can't pick up on personal things I know will hurt him, as he often does to me, as I simply can't be dishonest!

I just think a relationship without honesty is SO difficult and I'm desperately trying to re-inject some honesty/trust into mine so it doesn't happen again. Ok, rant over!