for our men friends child sexual abuse and sexual assault

Sexual assault against men happens in lots of different ways. Some men are assaulted by a stranger, or a group of strangers, while others may be assaulted by someone they know. Men are sometimes sexually assaulted by women but most often they are sexually assaulted by other men. Some attackers use weapons, physical force, or the threat of force to gain the upper hand. Others may use blackmail or a position of authority to threaten someone into submission. Still others use alcohol, drugs, or a combination of both, to prevent victims from fighting back. No matter how it occurs, it is a violation of a man's body and his free will and it can have lasting emotional consequences.


Myth Vs. Reality

Let's take a look at some mistaken beliefs about male sexual assault and uncover the realities behind the myths...

Myth: Men can't be sexually assaulted.
Reality: Men are sexually assaulted. Any man can be sexually assaulted regardless of size, strength, appearance or sexual orientation.

Myth: Only gay men are sexually assaulted.
Reality: Heterosexual, gay and bisexual men are equally likely to be sexually assaulted. Being sexually assaulted has nothing to do with your current or future sexual orientation. Your sexuality has no more to do with being raped than being robbed.

Myth: Only gay men sexually assault other men.
Reality: Most men who sexually assault other men identify themselves as heterosexual. This fact helps to highlight another reality -- that sexual assault is about violence, anger, and control over another person, not lust or sexual attraction.

Myth: Men cannot be sexually assaulted by women.
Reality: Although the majority of perpetrators are male, men can also be sexually assaulted by women.

Myth: Erection or ejaculation during a sexual assault means you "really wanted it" or consented to it.

Reality: Erection and ejaculation are physiological responses that may result from mere physical contact or even extreme stress. These responses do not imply that you wanted or enjoyed the assault and do not indicate anything about your sexual orientation. Some rapists are aware how erection and ejaculation can confuse a victim of sexual assault -- this motivates them to manipulate their victims to the point of erection or ejaculation to increase their feelings of control and to discourage reporting of the crime.


Checklist of Universal Reactions to Sexual Assault

Emotional Shock: I feel numb. How can I be so calm? Why can't I cry?

Disbelief and/or Denial: Did it really happen? Why me? Maybe I just imagined it. It wasn't really rape.

Embarrassment: What will people think? I can't tell my family or friends.

Shame: I feel completely filthy, like there's something wrong with me. I can't get clean.

Guilt: I feel as if it's my fault, or I should've been able to stop it. If only I had...

Depression: How am I gonna get through the semester? I'm so tired! I feel so hopeless. Maybe I'd be better off dead

Powerlessness: Will I ever feel in control again?

Disorientation: I don't even know what day it is, or what class I'm supposed to be in. I keep forgetting things.

Flashbacks: I'm still re-living the assault! I keep seeing that face and feeling like it's happening all over again.

Fear: I'm scared of everything. What if I have herpes or AIDS? I can't sleep because I'll have nightmares. I'm afraid to go out. I'm afraid to be alone.

Anxiety: I'm having panic attacks. I can't breathe! I can't stop shaking. I feel overwhelmed.

Anger: I feel like killing the person who attacked me!

Physical Stress: My stomach (or head or back) aches all the time. I feel jittery and don't feel like eating.


(I hope this helps)

I've put this up because a male friend was told when he was a child that he couldn't tell anybody about what was happening to him because he is now a molestor. He was told by his perpertrator that now he has had all these things done to him he would now do it to others. That poor man grew up thinking he was a child molester by experience and association. This is what kept his silence.

After three failed suicide attempts and self mutilation through his teenage years he finally spoke to someone and found out it was all a lie. He honestly thought this is what he would become. He never married, never had kids, has never had any close friendships or relationships because he was afriad of what he might do. He was afraid that someone who got too close would see this awful thing he was told he was.


that's why I vented this morning.

[Lisa]

It's awful how humans can be so monstrous to other humans. Some people just have no conscience. The world can be a scary place.


Sorry to hear about what happened to your friend MF. Is he gone now? you spoke of him in past tence. I hope he was able to find some peace in his life.

He'll be Okay now, lots of healing to be done there. He just emailed me about his latest realization and is on a high at the moment. It pays to seek professional help. still hoping he gets through all of this.

[Lisa]

You seem to have a much fondness for him and his wellbeing. He surely could use a friend.
How nice you are
.

Lisa hon? I have a fondness for anyone in pain or suffering that I can relate to........................but in saying that I'm not anyones trauma teddy . I tend to say it like it is . Most don't like that of me and I'm usually very careful as to how i apply it , but not all of us are perfect

Hang on!? arent you fuzzy Navel ?...............did you change your name because some have the incredible impertenance to call me fuzzy butt?
Sorry about that. I wish you were still fuzzy navel we'd have something in common then

BTW little molly is a cutey

[guppy]

thats so sad mags..i have a brother in law that used alchohol to drown the memories of being raped by another man when he was teenager. he secretly feared for years that he might be gay..although he later married and has a son..one year while on a family vacation he called me out onthe deck in the middle of the night and proceeded to tell me the whole story...we talked for many months afterwards..i am very glad to say he has been sober for several years now..found a place of refuge and guidance in god..he is a deacon of his church now..i had nothing to do with his healing..he just finally decided to deal with it..i was honored that he trusted me enough to be able to let someof the secrets and the pain go..i haven't and never will reveal to any family member his story..

cheers to you woman for what you do..i admire you very much..

Gupps I don't need to tell you you're a true gem .