Cheating Wife

[blahh65432]

Recently caught my wife commiting adultery with a one of her coworkers. I have yet to confront his wife with my findings. Does anyone think she should know? I have her phone number but dont want my wife to find out I called her.

[Peg]

Originally Posted by blahh65432

Recently caught my wife commiting adultery with a one of her coworkers. I have yet to confront his wife with my findings. Does anyone think she should know? I have her phone number but dont want my wife to find out I called her.

In the end, you would be the one that came out looking like the bad guy.

[Fab404now]

As you may be feeling hurt and angry and not wanting to be the only "victim", you might think it your place to tell the other spouse. I did...but it ultimately caused more pain for all. You have enough to deal with without involving the other couple.

[Rachael]

What a difficult situation! I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I don't know if I would have the strength NOT to call. I say just do it. Call her. If it were me, I would want to know what my husband did and deal with the pain now, rather than find out years later after more affairs and deal with STDs.

[Peg]

Originally Posted by Fab404now

As you may be feeling hurt and angry and not wanting to be the only "victim", you might think it your place to tell the other spouse. I did...but it ultimately caused more pain for all. You have enough to deal with without involving the other couple.

I agree. The wife probably knew or suspected something, but is in denial. I seriously doubt that she would believe you if you told her.

[pattybug52]

having been thru this a couple times here is what I can relate. The first husband I had that was cheating-everyone tried to tell me but wouldn't listen. However later in years when a partner was cheating and was not told was upset no one told me-the third relationship-someone did and I was very glad they did-broke it off right then and there and glad it hadn't dragged out like the others. However you would think after 2 I would see the signs-right?

[Bill Sikes]

Originally Posted by blahh65432

Recently caught my wife commiting adultery with a one of her coworkers. I have yet to confront his wife with my findings. Does anyone think she should know? I have her phone number but dont want my wife to find out I called her.

Yes, you should tell her. She has the right to know. I shouldn't "confront"
her, though, she probably hasn't been actively encouraging this affaire.

Why don't you want your wife to know that you have told this man's wife?

What are you going to do about your wife, as a matter of interest?

[blahh65432]

Its been about a month and a half now since I finally got fed up with the late night chats to her boss. she gave me a story of going out with some friends, I knew better. I drove around to local hotels until I found her car and went in got a room key and ripped the chain off the back of the door.

Since that night things have turned around, but she still keeps secrets of what she buys. I dont want my wife to know I called his wife due to the fact maybee things are looking better for us. she sees a shrink and our 18 mo son seems to be liking his mom once again since she is home more often.

Plus with caller ID these days I dont want my number popping up on there machine if he happens to be home at the time. Would love for someone else to call but, Im trying to locate her email address first.

[Peg]

she gave me a story of going out with some friends, I knew better

My point exactly. His wife probably knows better too, but chooses not to know for sure.

If you send an email, she can just print it out and your wife will still know. If you want to work it out, you both need to stop sneaking around doing things.

[Peg]

As someone that's been in your shoes, here is a few things to keep in mind.

#1 You're not going to be able to forgive and forget that easily. It takes time, but the forgiveness comes. You'll never forget, but eventually you'll stop thinking about it every day.

#2 It takes 2 for it to work. Are you planning on going to counselling too? As the person hurt most by this, you may need it worse than she does.

#3 Don't let all the blame fall on you. Too often they try "if you had paid more attention", "if you were there more", etc. SHE chose how to handle it, a terrible choice, not you.