Women Only

[Dakotawoman]

Question:
What is the difference between "loving someone" and being "In love"?

[Wolverine]

you can't honestly believe posting a thread titled "women only" is going to keep us fellas out, do you??

[SweetDarlin]

Originally Posted by Wolverine

you can't honestly believe posting a thread titled "women only" is going to keep us fellas out, do you??

The reason is philosophical... there are 2 threads... one for men, one for women...

now to answer...

Interesting you should ask. My husband and I went over this (again and again) recently. Some of you know I had got to the point I actually asked for a divorce. We have been hot and cold. We have played at breaking up. But for me to ask for a divorce goes against 40 years of ingrained beliefs.

Short story, he totally caved and begged for forgiveness and is trying very hard to do what he knows he should do (so am i.)

In our conversations he wanted to know how I can LOVE him, but not be IN LOVE with him.
I mean to me it's obvious. I LOVE many people. I am only IN LOVE with one. Being IN LOVE is a physical, emotional response, usually involving lust (also physical or emotional.) LOVING someone is what we do with all those we care about. My family, kids, friends. I LOVE them.

So now, I LOVE him, and I'm trying to allow myself to fall IN LOVE with him again, while he tries to be "oh so charming."

lol

[Dakotawoman]

WOLVERINE, it was not my intention to 'keep men out'...I was looking for two totally different prospectives, because I do not see any difference between the two. Simply because as a marraige or any relationship progresses through time people change and their feeling do as well. The hot, steamy newness wear off and the 'in love' turns to a deeper affection, goes to a higher level, if you will. Everyone knows that the initial jolt is breathtaking, and there is nothing that the other person could possibly do that would upset you (bad breath, chewing with the mouth open, snoring, nail biting, etc) as a matter of fact they are looked at as sooooo adorable. Then after awhile those little things become annoying and not as adorable. To me love is when you and your partner are comfortable with each other, and the little things (although not so cute anymore) are looked at as part of who they are, and accepted. The love deepens and grows with time. The 'in love' feeling (butterflies, nervousness, jittery, loss for words) is no longer present. What say ye?

[venus]

I think love is all of the above and more...

Ive been with my guy for 6 years and l still get butterflies in my tummy if l havent seen him for a few days..
I still get wobbly kneed if he sneaks up and kisses my neck..
I still fancy the pants off him...

and he still drives me mad by biting his nails..

but l love him more than l imagined l could (apart from my son), and l am very much in love with him and hope one day to be his wife..

[SweetDarlin]

true... I was just telling hubby THAT within this hour...

there are even at leat 2 kinds of IN LOVE.. the first is emotional and juvenile and lustfilled and shortlived.

the other.. is like you said Venus.. he just looks at me and *melt.
It's been 4 years... I still feel all of the lovey dovey without the irrational.

Being IN LOVE and LOVING someone is totally different to me.

Being In Love to me means: Constant butterflies in your belly, the happiness you feel when he arrives home from work, being able to talk about anything and everything no matter what time it is, still getting all tingly whenever his hand brushes against your skin, you have complete trust & faith in each other.

Loving someone is like me loving my Mom, Dad, Sister, ETC. I are about them and i never want them to be in any pain.. I'll always be there to comfort them in their time of need. But I won't feel any of the above for them. It sounds crazy but I don't completely and whole heartedly trust any of my friends or family. Tim is the only one I trust with my heart, soul and life.

[Dakotawoman]

I think that people define being in love as that romantic passion feeling we get usually the first few months of the relationship. I read in an article that we actually produce some sort of hormone that helps to create that feeling, you know the no need of sleep or food, the person is perfect no matter what they do kind of thing......eventually that feeling fades and thats when we have to commit to loving the person we are with anyway, for real, no matter what. For me to love is a choice, a decision we make. When we choose to love we decide to look at the other person in a positive light and we back up those thoughts with positive actions. To love someone is to always want the best for them, to protect them, to put their needs before your own. Kind of like deciding to be selfless. As soon as we decide to be SELFISH, thats when we choose NOT to love and problems begin to appear......
I think when people say they left the marriage because they fell out of love.....it is just another excuse.
Sometimes we may get into a place in which we are having difficulties seeing the positive in the other and we may not feel so loving towards them, thats when we have to dig down deep inside ourselves, people do change, but stay commited, do some self inventory, and re-commit to the relationship...I think if you once loved someone in the way you needed to in order decide to marry them, those feelings can always be re-established as long as you both commit to do so. Its always a choice.