trying to survive suicide

[Missguppie]

I am not sure where to start or what to say... I guess I'm curious if anyone else here has lost a family member to suicide? I have...and having a very difficult time coping. I come from a large family and am finding that I am having a very hard time being around family these days. It is a constant reminder of everything that is lost and some days I just can't handle the pain. It has only been three months so I am still sitting on the edge of uncontrollable rage most days. I keep trying to find answers where there are none and with no note left behind it makes those questions so much worse. I wonder some days if that was his punishment to us...if somehow he blamed us for his pain and wanted to hurt us in return.

The hardest part is seeing what this has done to my family. We seem to be falling apart at the seams and I am so lost in my own pain I don't know how to help. I go back and forth with the idea of getting professional help but am scared. I am terrified that they may diagnose me bipolar too. That somehow it is genetic. Like all the rest of my problems these days...I just want to push it under the rug and not deal with it because I don't know how to.

If anyone can relate...please post a reply I would really like to find someone to talk to.

[Chezzie]

Originally Posted by Missguppie

I am not sure where to start or what to say... I guess I'm curious if anyone else here has lost a family member to suicide? I have...and having a very difficult time coping. I come from a large family and am finding that I am having a very hard time being around family these days. It is a constant reminder of everything that is lost and some days I just can't handle the pain. It has only been three months so I am still sitting on the edge of uncontrollable rage most days. I keep trying to find answers where there are none and with no note left behind it makes those questions so much worse. I wonder some days if that was his punishment to us...if somehow he blamed us for his pain and wanted to hurt us in return.

The hardest part is seeing what this has done to my family. We seem to be falling apart at the seams and I am so lost in my own pain I don't know how to help. I go back and forth with the idea of getting professional help but am scared. I am terrified that they may diagnose me bipolar too. That somehow it is genetic. Like all the rest of my problems these days...I just want to push it under the rug and not deal with it because I don't know how to.

If anyone can relate...please post a reply I would really like to find someone to talk to.

I can only relate to the first question. My cousin commited suicide, he gassed himself in his car. My uncle died from cancer around 10 years earlier and my aunt had just gotten over cancer of the lymph nodes and had just found out she had stomach cancer. He was in the prison service (army before that) seemed to have everything materialistic wise. We have no idea why he did it. He was larger than life and very outspoken, not at all depressed to people who knew him.

Picking up the pieces was hard, my aunt was fighting for her life, he gave his up. Its a coward's way out IMO.

My aunt vowed to beat her cancer and did so, only to go abroad on holiday and die of a pulminary embolism...

It gets easier, sure it does but the questions you ask still remain, theirs no closure.

[Helen]

i have no experiance of either suicide or bi polar but i know enough to say DONT try to brush it under the carpet as you put it.
ive heard it said, its the ones that are left behind that suffer most as they cannot understand why they did it.
go to your doctor, get counselling.
there an exellent thread on here by redglitter about bi polar. look that up and have a read. its nothing to be ashamed of and you may find a few answers there,
dont sit and suffer in silence,

[kayleneaussie]

My daughters boyfriend committed suicide at the age of 21, they had a 2 year old baby boy. I was devasted and constantly asked myself why I didnt see the signs and could I have done something more to help him. Go seek some counselling and dont be afraid it will help you.

[Tan]

Hey girl,
We're here for you. I'm here for you. Keep talking..keep posting. Our love is with you and your family. You will feel rage. You will feel anger. You will feel confusion. But then you will also feel understanding and compassion.

Im here if you want to chat:
tanyce2@hotmail.com

[Nomad]

There's a gift
It will come for you one day
The gift is within you

[jones jones]

seek the help of professionals in this field missguppie ...

i doubt any of us here on fg are that ...

Jj

[mrsK]

My nephew in 2006.
His Dad in 2007.
Still find it hard to come to terms with like you do.
It is getting easier ............just.

[observer1]

I had 2 close friends who shot themselves. One a few weeks after we talked. And I felt guilty because I felt like I had just brushed him & his problem off. In time I realized that I probably couldn't have done more anyway.

The second one was a good friend & my next-door neighbor. We had talked a couple of days prior to this & he told me he was moving in with his mom. He'd just lost his girlfriend & his job. His mom was battling cancer. The day he committed suicide, he called me. I asked him if we could go somewhere & hang out, not knowing what he was intending to do. He said, no, maybe some other time. Then our phones cut off. I tried to called him back, but just got his voicemail. I figured we'd see each other the next day, when he was to come over & help my stepfather move my washer & dryer into my house (I had just moved in). As it turns out, he shot himself a couple of hours after we talked. That one was a bit harder for me to deal with. I found myself feeling angry with him. Why didn't he just lean on me a little more?? Why didn't he call me back?? Why didn't he just accept my offer to hang out?? But I came to realize again, that I probably couldn't have prevented it. Maybe delayed it, but that's about all.

It's been a few years since each of them. I still miss them very much, but I've started coming to terms with it. What we cannot change, we eventually have to learn to accept. Otherwise, it'll just eat us alive.

Good luck to you. Know that I'm here if you need or want to talk.

[jimbo]

my uncle hung himself , just before he died i saw him in a cafe i was working and i had just rushed in to get something to eat , he shook my hand and said please come round and see me , i never did when i heard he had killed himself i was overcome with terrible guilt , wether i could of changed anything i'll never know but to be honest i run into people every day that say come over lets catch up but i seldom do i'm just so busy with family stuff

when my brother died in a house fire whilst in a deep depression that was very hard to take


time does not heal i saw someone today driving a van who looked very much like my brother for a split second i thought it was him till reality hit me in the face like a house brick dropped off of the empire state building it was all i could not to break down and cry all time does is make your mind tire of thinking about things then just when you are not ready it all creeps up on you and rips your heart out

but survive you do as loads of people on fg will tell you , losing kids,brothers,sisters,moms,dads and friends all to often ,take care friend you are with people that know what your going through