I Want To Share This

[oscar]

Originally Posted by OpenMind

I have wondered about that also. There is resentment on my part but I feel no anger. I believe he thought he was doing the best thing at the time. It would be nice to know more about my Father's side of the family. I would only contact him if he wanted this also. But I would also want something good to tell him. I'm not entirely sure but he must be at least 71 if he's still alive.
My concern for now is to get myself into a better position to be a good Father for my own daughter. This is more important to me now, that and fulfilling my purpose in life.

Not at all, your needs are important as well. Imagine growing old, looking back and wishing you had made contact when it's all too late. When tracing a parent it is best to use a third party as the go between. Some adopted children grow up with no disire to trace their biological parents but for most, they have to know their roots. You say you have no reason to contact him yet i bet he thinks of you as much as you do of him. One thought that will be going through his mind will be if he has any grandchildre. If it's something you want to do, this is the perfect time and reason to do it.......To show him his beautiful grandchild and give her a sense of her ancestry for when she's older.

[OpenMind]

Originally Posted by oscar

Not at all, your needs are important as well. Imagine growing old, looking back and wishing you had made contact when it's all too late. When tracing a parent it is best to use a third party as the go between. Some adopted children grow up with no disire to trace their biological parents but for most, they have to know their roots. You say you have no reason to contact him yet i bet he thinks of you as much as you do of him. One thought that will be going through his mind will be if he has any grandchildre. If it's something you want to do, this is the perfect time and reason to do it.......To show him his beautiful grandchild and give her a sense of her ancestry for when she's older.

It would be worth doing the research just to know more about my Father's side, I think, even if contact never happened. Contact would be a bonus then. But, as I say, my present concerns are with my daughter.

[oscar]

Originally Posted by OpenMind

It would be worth doing the research just to know more about my Father's side, I think, even if contact never happened. Contact would be a bonus then. But, as I say, my present concerns are with my daughter.

It is an emotive issue and one i know well due to having children in my family that are adopted. You could still do the research about your father without contact. You are admirable in your persuit to put your daughter first. Very few have the privilage of having such fathers and i know i am one of them. I thank my father every day for the time he invested in me and his un-conditional love. I miss him so hard sometimes, it hurts but he left me with a life of happy memories and an un-dying pride in everything that he was and stood for. His legacy at least lives on in us and his grandchildren.

[scholle-kid]

Originally Posted by OpenMind

It would be worth doing the research just to know more about my Father's side, I think, even if contact never happened. Contact would be a bonus then. But, as I say, my present concerns are with my daughter.

I can tell you some of tjhe positive and negitive points are about finding , contacting , meeting and trying to build a realsonship with a parent ( mother) that left 3 little babies, ages 3 yrs. 14 months old and 6 weeks old . She was found when the 6 week old baby was 30 years old with 3 kids of her own.

[OpenMind]

Originally Posted by scholle-kid

I can tell you some of tjhe positive and negitive points are about finding , contacting , meeting and trying to build a realsonship with a parent ( mother) that left 3 little babies, ages 3 yrs. 14 months old and 6 weeks old . She was found when the 6 week old baby was 30 years old with 3 kids of her own.

Was it a happy ending, SK?

[scholle-kid]

Originally Posted by OpenMind

Was it a happy ending, SK?

There were a lot of questions answered . Alot of the 'ideas' that lids will get and carry with them into adulthood was proven or dis proven .

Most if not all the emotions and questions that this statement of yours contain was either answered or dealt with.

I have wondered about that also. There is resentment on my part but I feel no anger. I believe he thought he was doing the best thing at the time.

A happy ending like is it a happy, healthy making up for lost time kind of ending ? No.
But , the 'babies' and their kids are better for not having that part of their lives a huge question mark. And to have this kind of knowledge

It would be nice to know more about my Father's side of the family

sure helps when filling out a background form at a doctors office.

[oscar]

Originally Posted by scholle-kid

And to have this kind of knowledge sure helps when filling out a background form at a doctors office.

This is the problem with one of the kids in the family who is adopted. There is not enough imfo as his biological father is 'Unknown'. He could have all kinds of hereditary health problems that we just don't know of.

[OpenMind]

Originally Posted by scholle-kid

There were a lot of questions answered . Alot of the 'ideas' that lids will get and carry with them into adulthood was proven or dis proven .

Most if not all the emotions and questions that this statement of yours contain was either answered or dealt with.


A happy ending like is it a happy, healthy making up for lost time kind of ending ? No.
But , the 'babies' and their kids are better for not having that part of their lives a huge question mark. And to have this kind of knowledge sure helps when filling out a background form at a doctors office.

Thanks for sharing this, SK. I'll certainly make a start sometime this year. I'd love to find the time to do a family tree and the two quests would go together.

[scholle-kid]

Because you said that you would only contact him if he was willing , if you know his date of birth , place of birth and full name write him a letter , and seal that in an envelope , write what ever you want on that envelope. Take it down to your nearest social security office ,what happens then is the social security people will trace his SS# with the info date of birth,place and full name.They will put your sealed letter into one of their official envelopes and send it on to him . Now what he does with it is totally up to him. You will not know anything ,nothing. Unless he decides to contact you . If he tosses it all in the trash can or picks up the phone and calls it's entirely his decision. My oldest brother wrote the letter and dropped it off at the SS office in Dracut Mass. in January of 1991 and got a phone call from her in July of 1991. My youngest brother and her was living less then 5 miles from each other in the suburbs of Denver Colo. when she made the call to my oldest bro . in Mass.

[Peter Lake]

Originally Posted by OpenMind

Thanks for sharing this, SK. I'll certainly make a start sometime this year. I'd love to find the time to do a family tree and the two quests would go together.

Hi Open Mind, I'm Oscar's husband. Just a thought here but do you think there's a possibility that your father may have been searching for you and lost the last contact address?