I Want To Share This

[OpenMind]

Originally Posted by Peter Lake

Hi Open Mind, I'm Oscar's husband. Just a thought here but do you think there's a possibility that your father may have been searching for you and lost the last contact address?

That has often crossed my mind but my Grandmother who adopted me told me he told her he would step completely out of my life. Whatever his reasons were, he would have been highly emotional at the time I would think. Perhaps, later, he may have regretted the decision but stuck to his promise.

[OpenMind]

Originally Posted by scholle-kid

Because you said that you would only contact him if he was willing , if you know his date of birth , place of birth and full name write him a letter , and seal that in an envelope , write what ever you want on that envelope. Take it down to your nearest social security office ,what happens then is the social security people will trace his SS# with the info date of birth,place and full name.They will put your sealed letter into one of their official envelopes and send it on to him . Now what he does with it is totally up to him. You will not know anything ,nothing. Unless he decides to contact you . If he tosses it all in the trash can or picks up the phone and calls it's entirely his decision. My oldest brother wrote the letter and dropped it off at the SS office in Dracut Mass. in January of 1991 and got a phone call from her in July of 1991. My youngest brother and her was living less then 5 miles from each other in the suburbs of Denver Colo. when she made the call to my oldest bro . in Mass.

I'm not sure if our SS provides that facility. It might be worth asking should I get that info of my Dad.

[scholle-kid]

Originally Posted by OpenMind

I'm not sure if our SS provides that facility. It might be worth asking should I get that info of my Dad.

Does the certificate of live birth or whatever it is called where you are from have info about both parents on it somewhere? Here it is on the back ,fathers name and mothers maiden name and place of birth for both . Do you have something like SS #'s or ID numbers there ? I'm only asking because the subject has never come up while I was talking to a person from another country. And I have never been out side of the USA .

[Peter Lake]

Originally Posted by OpenMind

That has often crossed my mind but my Grandmother who adopted me told me he told her he would step completely out of my life. Whatever his reasons were, he would have been highly emotional at the time I would think. Perhaps, later, he may have regretted the decision but stuck to his promise.

He may of stepped out at the time for all manner of emotive reasons but even a few years down the line he may of deeply regretted it and thought contacting you would upset your Grandmother?

[scholle-kid]

Originally Posted by OpenMind

That has often crossed my mind but my Grandmother who adopted me told me he told her he would step completely out of my life. Whatever his reasons were, he would have been highly emotional at the time I would think. Perhaps, later, he may have regretted the decision but stuck to his promise.

If someone had told me to take all the 'ideas ' and 'I'm sures' and the 'I would think' about her and just forget them all ,before my brothers found her ,I am not sure how I would have reacted. I don't know anything about your situation ,but if you were a very young child,and from the conversation between you and Oscar it sounds like you were, then our situations have that in common. If all the info you have has come from the adults that were involved in the decision making at the time , then their memories are a bit fuzzy and clouded with the intense emotions from that time. I am not saying that whatever you have been told is wrong. I am saying that 'it is human nature' to remember a situation differently from what someone else might . So when you do get 'face to face' with your dad don't be surprised if his memories are totally different from anything you have heard . There was a lot of guilt clouding our mothers memories and that alone was the main reason the whole 'finding her and contacting her didn't turn out to be a happy ending. I am not telling you what to expect, just sort of trying to fill in some of the blanks that may come up sort of like a 'sucker punch' from behind. I hope none of those kind of things are in anyway a part of your deal . Meeting a parent for the first time as an adult is a very intense emotional rollercoaster for the adult child ,simply because as the 'innocent' victim of the decisions made 'back then' by the adults leaves you with a clean slate and them with years and years of intense anger,guilt, love , etc.. whatever happens or comes up from the past just try to take a step back away from it and let the ones that were there deal with it. The clean slate is what you and your dad has to start with. One of the things Anne couldn't get a grip on was ,she left 3 babies and came back to find 3 adults and 8 grand kids. I will just say one more thing and quit all this 'unsolicited advice. No matter what the deal was that bought about you dads leaving , it wasn't a healthy happy loving relationship. Just be alert for some of the 'residue from whatever caused the actual spit .Keep in mind you and your family are the ones willing to make room in your life for him not the other way around. Good luck with your quest and with the start of what i hope will be not a happy ending, but a happy beginning for all involved. Kat.

[OpenMind]

Originally Posted by scholle-kid

Does the certificate of live birth or whatever it is called where you are from have info about both parents on it somewhere? Here it is on the back ,fathers name and mothers maiden name and place of birth for both . Do you have something like SS #'s or ID numbers there ? I'm only asking because the subject has never come up while I was talking to a person from another country. And I have never been out side of the USA .

I only have my adoption certificate but our certificates had nothing like that kind of information on them back in the 1950s and 60s.
Thanks guys for your advice. I shall keep this thread permanently marked for reference.