If I were British I would be embarrased

[Scrat]

Tut tut tut.


Man jailed for urinating on tree
By Valerie Elliott
The bizarre upshot of an unneighbourly act carried out under the cover of rural darkness
IT IS the latest skirmish in the war against leylandii and must be one of the ultimate acts of defiance by any neighbour.

This border dispute, however, plumbed new depths when a pensioner repeatedly urinated over his neighbour’s hedge and yesterday found himself locked up at the local police station.

David Jollands, 72, of Caythorpe, Lincolnshire, feared that the dreaded trees, which can grow to 80ft (25m), would tower over his garden — so he used his own gardening expertise to retaliate.

He started going for late-night walks to water the trees with his own urine. To his delight, the trees became brown and withered. Russell Brooks, his neighbour, also spotted the decline of his trees, so kept watch over his garden to catch the culprit on camcorder.

If Jollands had decided to urinate on his neighbour’s compost heap, the outcome could have been so different; for many keen gardeners, urine is the secret ingredient for the perfect planting soil. The gesture may have been seen as a sign of friendship and an end to a boundary dispute that has lasted for eight years.

Urinating regularly, however, on a tree trunk or bark for almost a year creates too much salt, blocking conducting vessels and preventing water from keeping leaves green.

Jollands, a former mill worker, pleaded guilty to a charge of criminal damage to the hedge when he appeared before Grantham magistrates. The court heard that Mr Brooks had become so concerned about the sabotage of his hedge that he asked the local constable to investigate. It was the police officer who spotted wet patches round the tree trunks.

David Atkiss, for the prosecution, told the court: “It became apparent something was wrong when there was a browning of the hedge and a strong smell. After investigation, it was discovered it was the overpowering smell of urine, so Mr Brooks kept watch from a neighbour’s garden.

“He saw Mr Jollands arrive and saw him urinate. He caught the whole incident on a camcorder. After that Mr Jollands walked back to his home.”

Jollands was later arrested and confessed to police that he had been regularly watering the trees with his urine in four or five places for about a year. He told police that the boundary dispute had annoyed him.

Stuart Wild, for the defence, said: “This is a sad case. He had this historic argument with his neighbour and they had not spoken for eight years. He started urinating on his neighbour’s hedge but he has now desisted. He is a particularly proud man who has always scorned outside help.”

Jollands was sentenced to one day in jail to be served at Grantham police station.

Before going into custody, he said: “I have lived in my house all my life except for two years in the Army. I was born there. I don’t want to say too much about what happened but I did have a boundary dispute. Things never run smooth when you’re living in the country.”

Mr Brooks was not available for comment and is believed to be on holiday.

Under the Anti-Social Behaviour Act 2003, homeowners can complain about the height of a hedge if the enjoyment of their property is affected. The local authority then has the power to order the owner of the hedge to remove it altogether or reduce it to a height of less than 6ft. The court was told that Mr Brooks’s hedge had now regained its health and started growing again.

Guy Barter, head of the horticultural advisory service at the Royal Horticultural Society, said: “The whole story seems surprising because when it rained it would have diluted and washed away the urine.

“I can only think it was during a dry spell and the urine was concentrated in the same places.”

BOUNDARY WARS

# Leylandii can grow to 80ft high and are often used as wind breaks or for privacy. If they grow out of control they cast shadows, depriving neighbour’s gardens of light

# The species was discovered by C. J. Leyland, who discovered the natural hybrid of two trees, one of Alaskan, one of Californian origin, to form Britain’s fastest-growing tree

# The leylandii is from two variants of the cypress tree which in Old Testament imagery stands as a symbol of grace, fruitfulness and peace

# There are an estimated 17,000 leylandii wars going on in the country

# In Powys, a man was murdered when such a dispute intensified. Shots were exchanged between rival factions in Newbury, while a couple in Northumberland spent £25,000 in legal fees to have a leylandii cut down

# The Anti-Social Behaviour Act 2003 gave councils a role to act as intermediaries

# Councils can charge a £600 non-returnable fee if called in for arbitration

# If guilty parties ignore rulings to cut trees to 6ft they can face £1,000 fine

# A £70-an-hour conciliation service is run by Naomi King-Li, a psychologist from Southampton, to resolve hedge disputes

WATER REPELLANT

# Ammonia and urea in urine form salts in the soil that damage the roots or scorch the bark to prevent water getting to the leaves
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[lady cop]

hahahahahahahahahaha Scrat you kill me! lends new meaning to go p**s up a tree!

[theia]

Embarrassed? No, I'm rather proud. This could only be Britain, surely?

[venus]

Cant really get embarressed, wasnt me or mine doing it, thought it is rather amusing.
The most amusing story l know of concernoing those awful trees wasan ex neighbour.. The people who lived in my house before me had them planted at the bottom of the garden. They grew to a silly height cutting out all the sun, so one day when they were away on a trip the neighbour whose light was being blocked took a chain saw to them. Only he wasnt much cop with it and ended up squashing his own greenhouse and damaging 3 sets of fences. When the owners of the trees returned he tried to get away with it by saying there had been a freak storm, which only affected 4 houses! Needless to say he wasnt believed and the police were called. But hey it got rid of the trees...

[Accountable]

I can't believe the national government finds it necessary to legislate neighbourliness.

[chonsigirl]

Surely they don't arrest the local pooches too for doing their thing?

[abbey]

Well i'm British and it does'nt embarrass me!
What's embarrassing, the fact that he peed up the trees,
or that he was prosecuted for criminal damage?

[venus]

I think the most embsressing thing is being caught on film doing it!
WOW talk about a talking point at a party, "get out the home movies hun" "whoops how did that one get in there!"

[Scrat]

I think this is what is embarrassing. As AC noted.

I can't believe the national government finds it necessary to legislate neighbourliness.

I guess people will always have to be told how to get along.

[Majenta]

Originally Posted by Scrat

David Jollands, 72, of Caythorpe, Lincolnshire, feared that the dreaded trees, which can grow to 80ft (25m), would tower over his garden — so he used his own gardening expertise to retaliate.

Hey, at least he was being original!