MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. (August 7, 2009) - Google Inc. (NASDAQ: GOOG) today announced the purchase of the Death Star plans from the Galactic Empire further tightening their grip on the galaxy....

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CHICAGO—July 31, 2009—One day after the government announced they will suspend the popular “Cash for Clunkers” program, Chicago native Al Bundy caught an uncharacteristic break.

The star-crossed shoe salesman is constantly drawing the short-end of the stick. Today, however, was different for Bundy. “I work in a shoe store, I make less than minimum wage,” Bundy huffed and puffed. Today, Bundy would...

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SAN DIEGO—July 30, 2009—Local dude Dan April was “jus’ chillin’” in his basement one night when a few keg-bearing rabblerousers came by to “simply watch TV,” April recalled. According to an eye witness, who commented on condition of anonymity, claimed the incident began around 7:55 p.m. PST when Family Guy was rudely shut off and one cohort brazenly demanded to the other, “Tap that keg!”

“Once the keg was tapped,” April recalled, “they synchronized a slow-clap and chants of ‘Keg Stand’.”...