New guy in an odd situation (long)

[rippy38]

Greetings all!

I am new to this forum but not so new to forums in general... I just wanted to get some input on my current "situation" and this looked like a pretty good place!

I will cut to the chase and explain...

I am currently dating a married woman. Before I get slammed here... I do want to emphasize that we are seeing each other with her husbands blessing! It seems as though he is just not passionate enough for her and doesn't really even care for sex in general. They have been married for several years and about a year ago they were on the verge of divorce over the fact that he never wanted to have sex with her. Not wanting the marriage to end, they agreed to allow her a lover on the side. I met her ( chance meeting ) about two months ago and she was completely up front about what she was wanting out of our "relationship". I am a single father of two with a full time job and no time to really date so the idea of having a "no strings" sexual relationship ( with a beautiful woman, I must add ) sounded very appealing! I met her husband ( one of his stipulations ) and he is a super nice guy! Apparently I made a good impression as well because he made the comment to her after dinner that night that I was "perfect" for her. Now before you ask... he has absolutly no interest in making it a threesome... that's not at all what this is about. It is one of her fantasies but not one his!

Before we ever had sex we laid down some ground rules ( crazy sh!t, huh? ) with one being that she would never leave her husband for me and that I would never pressure her to leave her husband. I think that so far we have done pretty good about keeping it all together ( feelings can be very hard to control as most of you, I'm sure, already know ) but this past weekend she told me that she loved me... and what is even more disturbing is that I told her that I loved her too! The thing that kinda bothers me about swapping the "I love yous" was that it didn't happen in the throws of passion... we were riding in my car just talking and cutting up as I was taking her home!

My delimma is... have I let this go too far? Should I have even gotten involved in the first place? Just how deep of a hole am I digging myself here?

Is there anyone else here that has gone through something like this before that can offer a little advice?

I have developed feelings for her and I'm sure that she has for me as well. I really enjoy being with her ( not to mention that the sex is vavooom! ) and we are starting to spend a bit more time together outside of the bedroom and I guess that I am just trying to find out if it's time to back off just a tad.

Thanks for hearing me out guys... this isn't something that I can really talk to friends and family about so I figured this was a good place...

RIP

[Bill Sikes]

Cripes! That's bollixed up the works. You're knackered either way. If you drop
her then your feelings will try to get in the way... if you take her on, then you
know you've got someone who may change their mind again when someone
else comes along. I'm glad that I am not you. Daft thing to do in the first place.

[greydeadhead]

Whoa.. talk about being caught between a rock and a hard spot.. literally. Unless you want to make some kind of emotional commitment here I would back off and let this fade into the sunset.. And lets not even get into the rest of it.. husband.. etc....

[Peg]

If you have time for this, then you have time to find a date a single woman. Play with fire and you're going to get burnt.

[rippy38]

Thanks for the quick replies!

Once again the general sentiment ( I have discussed this with two very close friends that have never met her ) is that I should just walk away from this... this again is part of the problem... I really dont want to walk away!

At 38 I really should know better ( we are the same age ) than to be doing this. The thing is it's really kind of nice to have someone on a "part time" basis and not have all the pressures of "dating" someone single. I have been divorced for four years now and have dated several single women since then. This is a very different situation! We see each other once sometime twice a week and our primary reason for getting together is sex. She is not my wife and does not even come close to acting like it.

I guess that my biggest concern here is that she will get too attached and do something she may regret. Like leave her husband! I really don't want to be the catalyst for their splitting up.

Thanks again guys and gals! I look forward to some more unbiased feedback... keep it coming please!

P.S.
Peg,
It disturbed me to read that Ms Bobbit was a hero of yours... my ex-wife ran around on me for years while we were married so I guess that it would have been OK for me to super glue her (expletive) shut so she couldn't do it anymore... maybe I could've been somone's hero too!

[Peg]

LOL--Let me explain. She did something that I think almost every woman in the world has wanted to do at one time or another. The difference is, she had the guts to do it.

That said, make sure you are thinking with the right body part. This situation could go either way. Could be a great thing, or 3 people could end up very hurt. Good luck to you and let us know what you decide.

[A Karenina]

Hi Rip, nice to meet you.

Originally Posted by rippy38

Thanks for hearing me out guys... this isn't something that I can really talk to friends and family about so I figured this was a good place...RIP

If you can't talk to people you are close to about it, then that's probably a good indication you shouldn't be doing this.

I guess I'd add that it really doesn't matter what people say, it's what they do that counts. She may say she won't leave her husband, you may say you don't want the emotional entanglement, but what are both of you doing? Falling in love? And then what happens?

Rough roads are worthwhile when the final view is spectacular. Only you can decide if this road is worth it.

I sincerely hope things work well for you, whatever you decide.

[blahh65432]

First off.

You said your wife ran around on you for years.. Yes I understand the point of a hot woman just wanting sex.. She is running around on her husband, but he knows this! and is ok with this! Something really wrong with him or what?

You know how hurt you were when you found out your wife was a little slut to other guys, and now you are just returning the favor to another guy.

I know we the male species is always looking for an easy piece of pie, but do it with someone less attatched to a MARRIAGE.

Some states if the husband gets enough evidence against the person his wife is commiting adultery with, you can be sued. <-- just a thought for ya

My wife has run around on me as well, as you may have read the cheating wife sauga. I dont think I could ever put someone else what she put me through by cheating or letting another spouse from another marriage cheat with me when I am single.

Just setting yourself up for great dissapointment or legal action.

If she is this willing to sleep with you. she can sleep with anyone else too. don't mess up future realistic relationships by getting an std.


Sorry still touchy subject.. Take the info you want and disregaurd the rest.

[Hopalong]

Hi

I'm kind of new to this forum myself and was intrigued by your situation.
As an older married man (3X) who has survived a number of
"situations" over the years that have taught me a few lessons, I thought I would take a shot at a reply.

I would suggest that you seriously consider how important your marriage is
to you today. Maintaining a "normal " relationship at home must require some effort. Do you think your wife has any idea that somthing has changed? Women have can have an uncanny ability to sense these things. You made a big jump when the new relationship moved up to the "I love you,s". I dont believe you can now go back to a point when that will not be important to you both. Its pretty clear that a major decision on where it goes from here is lurking around the next corner. I could add more but for now I suggest if you can , step back and consider the way this effects all four of you. Good luck.
Hoppy

[rippy38]

Thanks again for the replies...

Just a few thing to add to the conversation...

Peg,
I am glad you found humor in my P.S.. I tend to have a rather dry sense of humor sometimes and that really was supposed to be funny... in a cynical kinda way!

Karenina,
Thanks... and it's nice to meet you as well. The easiest path is almost always the most boring as well...

Blahh,
I understand where you are coming from completely... I have read your saga and at times felt like it was my story from four years ago... almost to the "T". I truely feel for you and I do know where you are right now. Hang in there, it will be better on the other side! PM me if you like... I'm serious our situations are so alike it's scary!

I already got my revenge on the guy my wife was screwing four years ago by screwing his wife at the time. He was very upset when he found out but hey, what could he do... he was doing the same thing to someone else wife! Revenge can be so sweet...

And just where do you get off calling my ex a little slut! She is a BIG slut and I don't ever want to hear her refered to as a "little" slut again...

We have a difference of opinion on the definition of cheating... to me, cheating is done behind someones back and involves lying and deception. Her husband is fully aware every time that we are together and knows what we are doing. Technically you could say that she is cheating but I just don't really see it that way.

I don't really see myself facing legal action here... disappointment and heartache, yes, but not legal action.

Hoppy,
I am not married, she is... nor was I seeing anybody when I met her.



Thanks again... this place is pretty cool, I think I'll hang around awhile if yall don't mind!

RIP