Sticky Situation

[observer1]

I need advice. How do I start this?

I had lunch/dinner the other day with my uncle. He's my late aunt's widower. Well, we had a nice chat & all. Afterward, he paid. Then he walked me out to my car & we hugged each other (what I thought was) good-bye. Then I went to give him a peck on the lips. He tried to kiss me romantically & realized I wasn't. It was a very awkward situation, at least for me!!! He's always been my uncle & the father of my 3 cousins. I'll never be able to look at him the same way again!

My daughter didn't seem as phased by it as I was. Am I blowing it out of proportion???

[cherandbuster]

Wow obs -- that was a very uncomfortable situation. And so unexpected!

I guess that for 'family harmony' you can choose to act like it never happened. Yes, it was inappropriate, and you do have the right to bring it up for discussion with him. I just wonder what that would accomplish.

But . . . I don't think you've overreacted. That was warped behavior indeed.

ummm ..how old is your daughter and did you ask her why she didn't seem as shocked by this behavior? for sure don't leave him alone with her if this is how he views female relatives.

Take care with this guy Obs, don't ever be alone with him and even if he offers for you to stay at his place with your daughter, go elsewhere.

[minks]

OB1 I would try and approach said uncle and just mention that you felt uncomfortable with that "peck" . That wasn't very cool on his part.

Hi Observer Yes it is awkward. You've probably been the object of his thoughts for some time, the fact that you're distantly related means that he gets to talk to you in a relaxed manner, so he'll feel no pressure in conversing, . not forgetting you happen to be a very attractive woman.

It doesn't matter what age we are, things like the one you have described are not uncommon, but few are acted upon for fear of embarrassing situations like the one that took place after you both had lunch/dinner. He's a widow, he will be lonely, and no this doesn't excuse the, "just go for it" scenario. Your daughter has the right idea, don't be phased by this, yes it's embarrassing, yes it can be mildly distressing if something like this has never happened before.

Having said that, don't waste too much time in meeting him again, not for lunch, obviously, but somewhere where you feel most comfortable. Rather than go on a rant about it with him, write down what you want to say prior to meeting so you have a fair grasp of ALL you want to say. I'm not suggesting for a minute that you invited this kind of attention, but to a guy, a good looking woman is exactly that, even one distantly related, In no way should you entertain any thought that you were too attentive, or pleasant. It's his error, he made an arse of himself by doing that.

If he responds well to your request that this never happens again, job done. If he persists, then unleash the dragon, but it's well possible that he feels like a complete tosser for acting the way he did without sounding you out first, most likely fear of rejection, but like I said, it was probably all in his head that things would work out like he planned. If it goes this way, and you're convinced of his remorse, job done. If you think he has changed in manner, and doesn't recognise he was in the wrong, this is a whole different issue, and the threat (to him) of ceasing all contact must be considered, along with informing more than your daughter as to why. .

Steel yourself up (be firm and strong) prior to the next time you meet, and say everything you planned to say, but get the notion of you and him out of his head sooner than later. .

[Bill Sikes]

Originally Posted by observer1

I had lunch/dinner the other day with my uncle. He's my late aunt's widower. Well, we had a nice chat & all. Afterward, [...] I went to give him a peck on the lips. He tried to kiss me romantically [...]I'll never be able to look at
him the same way again! [...] Am I blowing it out of proportion???

Perhaps you misunderstood his intent. Perhaps he was emotional for some
reason. Perhaps all sorts of things. Unless you slapped him, or have "done
something" to make some further action or comment likely, I'd be inclined to
simply ignore this, but take good care not to put yourself in a position where
the same could happen again. It's only an (attempted?) kiss, the reasons for
which are unclear, after all. Observe, without being overt - but being neutral
and unbiased (if you can!) his future behaviour, and go from there.

"Once is unfortunate, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action".

[K.Snyder]

You have to be absolutely sure that he wasnt reacting as if you meant to do the same, so as not to make you feel embarrassed. He isnt related to you persay, so I dont find his actions absurd as I would if you were. Seems to me like just misunderstanding between the opposites of sex.....quite frankly its rather common. As for your relationship with him, he already knows that you hadnt meant the kiss in such a way, so I imagine he is rather embarrassed, but none the less not a big deal in my opinion.

If you want a little advice.....

guys think of a kiss on the lips as quite romantic.....

if you wish to show affection that is meant other than romantically, I would suggest keeping the cheek in mind.

[K.Snyder]

Originally Posted by K.Snyder

You have to be absolutely sure that he wasnt reacting as if you meant to do the same, so as not to make you feel embarrassed. He isnt related to you persay, so I dont find his actions absurd as I would if you were. Seems to me like just misunderstanding between the opposites of sex.....quite frankly its rather common. As for your relationship with him, he already knows that you hadnt meant the kiss in such a way, so I imagine he is rather embarrassed, but none the less not a big deal in my opinion.

If you want a little advice.....

guys think of a kiss on the lips as quite romantic.....

if you wish to show affection that is meant other than romantically, I would suggest keeping the cheek in mind.

Unless of course he was blatantly aggressive, and knew how you felt about him personally....

then i would say his ape like actions deserves and explanation.

[Lulu2]

Agreeing with other comments here, but I'm wondering....did he have a drink or two with his meal? He may have been overreacting and a bit tipsy, too.