Life after love...

[Donutte]

Well, here's my story, the best I can tell it... My live-in boyfriend left me in the middle of the night while I went to work (I work really weird hours), leaving me a note that I didn't find until I'd been home for an hour... Then he called me the next day saying he wanted to be friends, but in less than 12 hours did a 180 on me... Apparently, we had a "friend" that was communicating for us, and she was twisting almost everything we were saying... Anyway, that was around Labor Day... Fast forward to Halloween... We went to another mutual friend's party the night before (and into Halloween)... We talked - a lot - that night... He drove me home, and he even kissed me... He had changed his phone number when he left, because he thought I would "go psycho", especially after what he was hearing from our "friend"... Anyway, he gave me his new number that night even... Well, I would call, or email... I think a week later I received an email... He never did call me back... He would email sometimes... He kept saying he was busy... All I could think was that he couldn't take a moment of his time to at least say hi? Well, a couple of weeks ago, he did call, to say that he wouldn't be making his December payment (he owed a lot of money of my mom that she lent him for car repairs before his left)... Anyway, the reason he wasn't going to be able to make the payment was because he was going to be out of state - his father had been sick and had taken a turn for the worse (I knew he had been sick)... My mother lent him the money to take a bus; as it turned out, it was good that he went, his dad died five days later... Well, he talked about getting together the weekend after he got back... I emailed him twice during the week... I could tell he read them, but there was no response... Then I called him, several times (apparently too many), just wanting to know what was going on... Then, the day after we had talked about getting together, he emails me telling me that he isn't sure he wants to be friends because he doesn't think I've changed (he said I was too controlling; I must have been for him to leave the way he did)... I was just so hurt by that... I don't know how to deal with this... Should I cut him out of my life altogether? Should I try to salvage a friendship with him? Am I just hurting myself more by doing that? I don't know anymore... My life has just totally turned upside down... To make things worse, today would have been our 2nd anniversary of going together ... I have gone through depression, and I have a feeling I am going through it again... I don't want to go back on the depression medicine; I finally got myself off of it this year after five years of being on it... I have lost a lot of weight, but I have just attributed that to having weird hours at work (he also happened to leave a week after I started my new job)... I just want my life back... When I'm not at work, I'm with my mom... Most of my friends work such different hours from me (totally different in fact)... I don't see them that often at all... And as much as he has hurt me, I miss my ex, especially today... I try to focus on the positives in my life: the job that I started in September was a temp-to-perm, that yesterday became permanent... I have an aunt that turned 100 years old today... I'm in fairly good health (have some health problems, but they are under control)... But, I still miss him... I love him so much; I never stopped loving him... And he had told me he wanted to take it slow (when we decided to be friends), but he wasn't going so slow it was practically going backwards... And I have a friend that is way busier than he is (I can't see her that often either because she lives in another country), yet he can't seem to find the time to say "hi"... He makes time for all his other friends, but not me... And that hurt... Yet, he kept saying he wanted to be friends, but just wanted to take it slow... I want my life back... I have tried to focus on my job, but that only goes so far... What do I do now?

Hurt

[Peg]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. The way he left does not mean you were too controlling. It was just another excuse for his leaving. It was a very chickenshit way for him to leave, by the way. It sounds as if he is stringing you along. Why not? He needs money for an emergency, your mom gives it to him. He wants the safety of knowing he can come back to you if "nothing better comes along". Personally, I'd stop calling and e mailing. For one, he no longer has that security. Work on making yourself happy. Do the things you enjoy. Good luck to you.

Hi Well i went through the same thing about 3 years ago. I went to work & my Ex of 4 years left me while i was there. I came home to all his crap gone. But he left me no letter or explaination. He just left. He had the nreve to call the next day and ask me if i was ok. I was too hurt and confused to say or do anything. He also told me he wanted to be friends. We tried. I moved into a mutal friends house 1 week later he got kicked out of his mom's and moved in there. We talked & all that. He was seeing someone ALREADY! ( 2 weeks later) It was really hard for me to witness that because like you even though ghe hurt me so bad i still loved him. I was using friendship to get him back. It was working and for a little while and then i wised up and thought about him doing it again when ever he feels like it. I couldn't put myself through that again. So i moved out and started hanging out with all my friends trying to get over him. It was a rough road but somehow i managed. I met my fiancee (current) and moved 2ooo miles away! I never want to see him nor talk to him again. I learned that by being friends with someone that you were involved with just prolongs the hurt feelings. He felt like no matter what happened he could always come back to me and i would welcome him with open arms. You have to put that to a stop because he will walk all over you and take advantage of you if he knows he can. Try to move on the best you can. Do whatever nakes you happy. Go out and have fun! When a love song comes on the radio turn it off and listen to a happy song. I hope everything works out for you the way they worked out for me. i have a wonderful fiancee and a beautiful daughter! Good luck!


Susie

[weeder]

Originally Posted by tmbsgrl

Hi Well i went through the same thing about 3 years ago. I went to work & my Ex of 4 years left me while i was there. I came home to all his crap gone. But he left me no letter or explaination. He just left. He had the nreve to call the next day and ask me if i was ok. I was too hurt and confused to say or do anything. He also told me he wanted to be friends. We tried. I moved into a mutal friends house 1 week later he got kicked out of his mom's and moved in there. We talked & all that. He was seeing someone ALREADY! ( 2 weeks later) It was really hard for me to witness that because like you even though ghe hurt me so bad i still loved him. I was using friendship to get him back. It was working and for a little while and then i wised up and thought about him doing it again when ever he feels like it. I couldn't put myself through that again. So i moved out and started hanging out with all my friends trying to get over him. It was a rough road but somehow i managed. I met my fiancee (current) and moved 2ooo miles away! I never want to see him nor talk to him again. I learned that by being friends with someone that you were involved with just prolongs the hurt feelings. He felt like no matter what happened he could always come back to me and i would welcome him with open arms. You have to put that to a stop because he will walk all over you and take advantage of you if he knows he can. Try to move on the best you can. Do whatever nakes you happy. Go out and have fun! When a love song comes on the radio turn it off and listen to a happy song. I hope everything works out for you the way they worked out for me. i have a wonderful fiancee and a beautiful daughter! Good luck!

Just remember girls..... They never change. They are whwt they are what they are.....no matter who they are with.
Susie

Just try to remember girls...... They are what they are what they are. They never change no matter who they are with. They are caleed USERS. Be glad they are gone. Enjoy your lives.

[minks]

Well Hon I can imagine the pain you are going through and the time of year has to be H***. I am sorry to hear of it. I think like weeded said people don't change. Sooo my suggestion to you move on, use the positive energy and feelings to move forward and let him go. On a whole people don't change a lot, and if he initiated the end of your relationship he likely isn't one to turn it around. I hope that isn't coming across as cold, but I firmly believe in the saying "don't let em see you hurt"
I am wrapping up a 1.5 year battle filled divorce that ended a 17 year marriage. I was horrified to be on my own. But in the end with patience and faith in my self I gave got to where I can hold my head up and be proud of my accomplishments. New house, new job, new boyfriend, it has been a heck of a rocky road but I made it. Looking back at the ex, it looks like I got out just in the nick of time, as I go upward with my life he spirals downward. Jobless, indebt, and in bad health. I don't wish it on anyone and I pity him, but you do make your own happiness.
Cheers girl.
Minks

[Heroine]

Do you honestly want to be with a man that will treat you this way? Tell him to get lost. It will be hard at first but there is a reason the phrase "time is a healer" has become a cliche...

[Crying1]

Kick that guy to the curb! There are too many "fish in the sea", to become that guy's personal ATM & doormat. Lose his phone number, and his email addy while you're at it.

You'll be better off for it in the long run.

[Donutte]

Well, I think this was either my first or second post here... Anyway, it's been almost a year since we broke up... I'm not hurt at the thought of him anymore, but more the thought of the break-up... Sorta like I'm not good enough for anyone... It will have been a year this coming Tuesday... The fact that he STILL hasn't paid my mother back, well, is disconcerting... But even she has said forget it... He'll never pay back, and we both know it... I heard maybe 2 months ago (from a friend whose sister is his friend) that he said he missed me... I laughed, made a gagging noise, and told her if he ever says that again, tough sh*t, he had his chance, and he blew it... I will never take him back... But anyway, thanks to all of you who offered words of help, and I apologize that I never replied then... A lot has gone on since then... I actually met some friends from a forum I belonged to before this one (heh, actually a moderator there now), and we had an awesome time... No guys allowed

[chrisb84uk]

Originally Posted by Donutte

Well, I think this was either my first or second post here... Anyway, it's been almost a year since we broke up... I'm not hurt at the thought of him anymore, but more the thought of the break-up... Sorta like I'm not good enough for anyone... It will have been a year this coming Tuesday... The fact that he STILL hasn't paid my mother back, well, is disconcerting... But even she has said forget it... He'll never pay back, and we both know it... I heard maybe 2 months ago (from a friend whose sister is his friend) that he said he missed me... I laughed, made a gagging noise, and told her if he ever says that again, tough sh*t, he had his chance, and he blew it... I will never take him back... But anyway, thanks to all of you who offered words of help, and I apologize that I never replied then... A lot has gone on since then... I actually met some friends from a forum I belonged to before this one (heh, actually a moderator there now), and we had an awesome time... No guys allowed

Ah I'm a nice guy - really!!! Not all us guys are gits who deserve the treatment that they get.

[Donutte]

LOL, no, not you... I don't think you're bad... Granted, I don't really know you yet, but I still don't think you're bad...

And we had a no-guys-allowed policy on our vacay... It was just us chickies... We had an awesome time...

And I don't think all guys are bad either... Every barrel seems to have a rotten apple, but it doesn't have to ruin all of them