Your opinion on this abusive situation

[RedGlitter]

I have this friend of 20 + years who is about 70. She is helping raise her platonic roommate's 12 year old daughter, M. For a year now I have listened to nothing but p.issing and moaning about M and what a rotten kid she is. I have shuddered when Friend has told me about how she handles this girl. M does poorly in school and gets into fights with other girls. She ignores Friend and her own father until Friend gets mad and smacks her. Friend refers to M to me as "the brat" and "that damn kid." You have to know if she's saying that to me that she's saying it at home too.

Earlier this year, M was late coming home from the bus stop so Friend took a belt down there and in front of her friends, beat M with it. She will never live that down in front of those friends.

This week I was told how Friend broke a fake nail while slapping M. I think you'd have to hit pretty hard to do that; I used to wear those things.
I asked her if she ever tried just talking to M and she looked at me like I was an idiot.

M's dad tells me M doesn't mind and when I commented that M didn't have too much to say when she was at my place, her dad told me she didn't talk to him much either.

I found out this week that M has issues over having been abandoned by her mom four years ago. That tells me a lot.

Friend says how M is failing all her classes and how she doesn't learn anything in school. It was said as if M were stupid. I told Friend I would tutor M in anything except math. if it might help. Again she looked at me like I was wasting my time.

I've seen M twice. She comes across as a brat- a quiet one. And maybe it's just me seeing myself but I'm not buying it. You have to milk this girl to get two words out of her as if either she thinks she's too dumb to offer anything or else she's afraid of saying anything.

She's 12 and I dread what's coming her way because Friend isn't going to make it easy when guys and stuff start happening. Or girl stuff.

I mentioned all this to another friend who loves children and she immediately was all over it saying I needed to call Child Protective Services or to give her the info and she would take care of it and they would remove M from the home.

I've no intention of doing this. I've seen how CPS destroys lives and I am not that much of a busybody that I'm going to rat on anyone. Where do I draw the line? If cigarettes were being put out on her it would be a different story but what about being hit all the time? I'm trying to sort out right from wrong and I'm coming up blank. I used to get hit on a regular basis and was no stranger to the belt. I know the degradation that comes from p.issing all over yourself because someone bigger than you hit you repeatedly with something meant to hold up their pants.

I know that deer in headlight stare she gets when adults talk to her.
I know beating her is wrong and when you're hitting someone with a belt, I don't care who wants to defend this, it's called beating. Period.

I haven't told my other friend that I am not ratting and I am not giving her the information. What if they yank her away from her dad? What if she ends up in a worse place than she is now? What she needs is an adult to advocate for her, a safe place to go but she has none that I am aware of.

I asked Friend "do you and M ever get along?" She said "sometimes."

My friend is not a crazy maniac but she lives in chronic pain from a bone disease and that can mess a person up plus I think she's too old and inflexible to be raising an almost teenaged girl.

I'm not going to rat.

But would you?

To be honest, I'd have to sit your friend and M's father down and tell her that what she's doing is child abuse and it's never to be tolerated. I'd make it clear that if she doesn't stop doing this, then I'd report her. It might be enough to make her think about what she's doing.
Does she realise the emotional and psychological effects she's having? No child should have to live with sort of behaviour. At the end of the day, why isn't her father stepping in? There's no way I'd allow any child - even if they're not mine - to live with that.

[Carl44]

Originally Posted by Pinky

To be honest, I'd have to sit your friend and M's father down and tell her that what she's doing is child abuse and it's never to be tolerated. I'd make it clear that if she doesn't stop doing this, then I'd report her. It might be enough to make her think about what she's doing.
Does she realised the emotional and psychological effects she's having? No child should have to live with sort of behaviour. At the end of the day, why isn't her father stepping in? There's no way I'd allow any child - even if they're not mine - to live with that.

i'd have to100% with the pinkster on this one


no kid deserves to be beaten ever

[Mystery]

Maybe I'm too black and white, but I wouldn't even sit them down to talk. I'd report that, at the very least to a school counselor. The child is obviously being abuse, both physically and emotionally, and that's on top of the abandonment issues she's already suffering from.

[Uncle Fester]

I am with jimbo , I would and have threatened one of my sister in law's that I would report her if she did not stop the abuse of her children , my brother and I fell out for a couple of years ( we are OK now ) but it was worth it , the abuse stopped

I think I would have to call the police on that woman. Bone condition or not she has no right to beat a child like that. Yeah she's almost a teenager but she's still a child. It sounds like she's scared to death to do anything or even say anything. Her losing her mother was the beginning of it all. M needs to seek help from a professional and go live with someone who can give her the love and attention she needs. I live in Az and I am tempted to say bring her here just so she is out of harms way. No kid deserves to be beat or talked down to. Maybe she thinks she's stupid and incapable of learning because friend makes her feel that way. She can't develop a personality of her whole entire life is being controlled. It's a sad thing that is happening & you can't just leave her in this womans custody. Does her dad know she's being beaten? What does he have to say about it?

[Mustang]

I'm not going to rat.

IMO, you are just as guilty as the abuser, to know these facts and choose to sit back and do nothing RedGlitter. If she were a dog, you'd be jumping into action to rescue her, wouldn't you? Why let this child live under these conditions when you have the power to do something about it???

[minks]

Originally Posted by Mustang

IMO, you are just as guilty as the abuser, to know these facts and choose to sit back and do nothing RedGlitter. If she were a dog, you'd be jumping into action to rescue her, wouldn't you? Why let this child live under these conditions when you have the power to do something about it???

Glitter hunny, I would definately report this. There is no excuse for abuse.
Here it's the law, if you suspect abuse you are obligated to report it.
Glitter she is a 12 year old girl, there is no hope of this improving, what could happen is this girl could turn it around and be an abuser herself and likely will be one day stronger then your Friend.
M is learning abuse, and will use abuse if this is not corrected. M needs councelling, she needs somebody to listen to her, and guide her in a way that isn't going to hurt her and is positive.
M may come off as a brat but I guarantee you this Glitter, it's her way of defense, it is her coping skill albiet weak ones, but she is a kid, kids take years to develope coping skills and they aren't always what adults expect. No kid should have to go through this Glitter. M has issues as does your friend and the father, they all need intervention before it is too late.

A child is nothing but moldable, see how your friend and her father are molding her.... not good.

[Patsy Warnick]

It sounds like everyday is a episode for this girl
Some type of intervention is needed for this situation (family) - sounds like this girl won't talk/doesn't talk since it won't be right anyway..
Are there other relatives available to help? - take the girl in, before she runs away.
Your friend is not capable nor in the right frame of mind to raise a 12 year old.

Red - you'll have to come to terms with this & know you'll have to do something.
Reach out to the school counselor etc.
Your a compassionate person & you know you need to do something
now is a good time to step in..

Good luck
Patsy

[minks]

Glitter hun, think of it this way,
and I am not directing this at anyone in a negative way

We see abuse to an animal we are all over making a call to have the animal removed from the abusive situation.

What makes a human life any less valuable.


Glitter report it please. I am certain you can remain anonymous.