Realising that I am very lonely

[Boogalette]

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

Hiya Boogie-woogie girl.

You sound as though you're feeling depressed hunni. I know where you're coming from. I suffered major depression a few years ago and it seemed to last forever. A part of it was feeling that I had no real friends. I've had real friends in the past but as I've moved I've gradually lost them. In my last job, I loved my job, but wasn't especially close to anyone. As AFTR said, they're more like acquaintances, rather than friends. However, I've just changed jobs and made a wonderful new friend, which just goes to show that you never know what's waiting for you around the next corner.

Here's a song for you:

YouTube - Just Around the Riverbend - Pocahontas

As has been said above, you need some change in your life. (And not an affair. ) Maybe a new hobby or interest. I like cross-stitching personally. I also love to read, but not when I'm feeling down. Then I need to shake off the sad feelings by going for a walk through the park, riding my bike or going swimming. And yes, you CAN go by yourself. Most people do. You can even stand up and sing head, shoulders, knees and toes to yourself and do the actions repeatedly and getting faster until you're out of breath! Sounds silly but you need to shake off those doldrums to start to feel better.
You can also chat to the nice folks here. Do something nice for yourself and believe that you deserve that niceness. It's not karma. It's cyclical depression, you're just swirling around getting closer to that plughole that will sweep you down into the depths of despair. Only nice people worry whether they might be horrible, really horrible people don't give a stuff what anyone else thinks! So you're obviously lovely. Stick around, have a chat, lay down the weight on your shoulders and gradually you'll find your burden being left behind. That's my five cents worth of advice. Now lets go for coffee.

Rapunzel, thank you.

Yes, I think that dammed old depression has it's hooks into me tight now, and it's changed my thoughts into not fun ones.
I have been doing quite well, but I have as of late realised that I have had to revise and revamp certain people in my life and it hurts. I put more stock into them than they have to me. This is what sets my depression off, the feeling of not being good enough, of being not welcome, of not being liked, of me blindly putting my stock on what other people think of me.
How silly is that?
But this is the one trigger, it has to be.
So along with yoga, I will head back to someone to talk to. It can only help.

Thank you for listening.

[Rapunzel]

Originally Posted by Boogalette

Rapunzel, thank you.

Yes, I think that dammed old depression has it's hooks into me tight now, and it's changed my thoughts into not fun ones.
I have been doing quite well, but I have as of late realised that I have had to revise and revamp certain people in my life and it hurts. I put more stock into them than they have to me. This is what sets my depression off, the feeling of not being good enough, of being not welcome, of not being liked, of me blindly putting my stock on what other people think of me.
How silly is that?
But this is the one trigger, it has to be.
So along with yoga, I will head back to someone to talk to. It can only help.

Thank you for listening.

It's not silly, not at all. We all want to be loved, to be liked, to be accepted.
What you're going through sounds very similar to what I went through, when the people whom I believed would always be there for me - just werent.
It hurt me deeply that those I loved could and would turn their backs.
It was very depressing going through some horrible things and not having people, well okay, family, to care. I was like you and thought I must be a horrible person. Those thoughts still plague me, but less often now. I had to make myself stop thinking about them and fill my life with other things. I don't understand why they are the way they are, but I've gradually come to realise that its their choice to be that way. So I've put them to one side and live my life without them in it. Maybe one day they'll regret their choices, maybe they won't. But I have to make my life good for myself and my family. I think realising your depression is the first step to begin dealing with it, rather than wallowing in it and feeling so alone and helpless. I know what triggers my downward mood swings and try to avoid it. People will always be here to talk to you, if and when you need.
Hugs to you,
Mel. x

[AussiePam]

Hi Boogalette - I'm so glad you came in here and let a bit of your feelings out. That's a great start. I think you touched a chord in a lot of us - women who've found ourselves isolated, tired from looking after household needs, and kids. Women who are both tied down, busy, but bored too. In need of adult stimulus, conversation, friends, outside interests.

I well remember a few what I call grey years. I lived them in a kind of depressed fog. And when you're right down, it's hard not to find a way to stop the spiral, and start moving upwards again. The fact that you've managed to come in here and spit some of this out is probably that first hard step. Congratulations.

You know what I found helpful? I started a journal. But I tried to make it a positive journal only. Each day I tried to list a few bright moments, even just one bright moment - simple stuff like - today I saw a bunch of yellow butterflies. Today I turned on the radio and they were playing my favourite song. Today the scowly shop assistant told me a joke and we both laughed.

Good luck with the yoga. Don't get tangled up too creatively - or if you do, put the webcam on!!!


(I dedicated a bit of flamenco to you - dance is a great way to let it all hang out too... ole)
This Song is Dedicated to...............

[Odie]

and I'm also over 50




its hard to define 'friends' with myself, as I have had a couple of evil ones who have much later stabbed me in the back, and this was just a few months ago, not in my teen years.

I met a friend 6 years ago, a neighbour, we used to sit out on my porch for coffee, until I realized she was only coming over when she needed me to talk to.

Even good friends who later on kind of stated to twist things around...

I had the best friend for over 25 years, we were inseparable, even during our first two divorces...then one day met someone a man....and I hear from her every 6-8 months now.


'Good' Friendship' sometimes never comes easy.

__________________________________________________ _____________________________________________


Different ways you can meet people:


-find a group in you area from 'your local community centre', they have all kinds of programs

-google 'group programs for adults in 'your own town', or city.
(ex: I live in Toronto but because Toronto is so big and I would not want to travel over the entire city I would google Etobicoke as that is one of the ciites in Toronto that I live in.)


-take a course on something you have always wanted to do, salsa dancing, clay potting, cooking, exercise programs, etc......

-start going for walks

--there are also all kinds of 'help' groups for anything you may think you need help in or you children or husband etc.




-going to church




hope these help.

[lou lou belle]

I love this thread, not only can I relate to it, but I know people who have felt like you.

Dont dispair, you will get through this. you are still young enough to move on and start another life and that is possible.

Life begins at Forty, and i do know what I am talking about, I am now 40 and love my life, I am happy and fulfilled in what I do, but that is only because i have craved that and succeeded in my goal. Look at yourself and ask yourself what do you want to do? what is it that would make you happy, then you will have the answer.

You will be happier and I know from experience a lot stonger. Good luck x

Life is not a rehersal

[Patsy Warnick]

1st - you say your a Wife...

what happened to that relationship - no friend there ??
have you grown apart? what happened to that best friend you married.???

I don't put alot into this mid life crisis - you get what you put in......
you need to think about if your bored with life in general..??
are you bored with that relationship with your husband?

Start there before wanting to go out with the girls, which would lead to more than a manicure.. trust me I know

Patsy

[mrsK]

Originally Posted by Boogalette

I'm 40, let's get that out of the way. I'm a wife and mother. I work full time and have for a very long time.

I have recently realized that I have no real friends anymore, and I do not know why. My 2 closest friends had moved away for different reasons, and I am still in touch with them. I miss them terribly. I miss calling them up and asking if they would like to go shopping or for a coffee of something.
When I call my other friends, all I get is excuses, even frim my sister, even if I see if they would like to do so a week in advance.

Am I that gruesome of a person? Am I that horrible to be around? Have I hurt people so much over the years that this is my payback? Does everyone I know think I am made of stone? Is this karma?

If this is karma, I would like to say I get it

I'm lonely. My family loves me and we spend time together. I'm grateful. I need other people too. I need a best friend.

I have been making friends but I also do not want to poach other friends. I am jealous of those who have group of friends and watch them and wonder why no one invited me?? I am supposed to be friends with them. I want to be included, to be part of a circle.

I would like to know what lesson I am supposed to be learning from all of this, or am I possibly over analysing things?

I can understand why some women have affairs as I have entertained it. I would never have one, or even flirt with the opportunity, but I understand why some people do it.

I'm just very sad right now. I am also not allowing myself to fully feel it and work thru it. I'm getting stuck and hung up on this because I feel I am not allowed to wallow, that I should 'suck it up, princess'.



well, I have vented, maybe that will take the edge off. Thank you for your ear.

I have to agree with Patsy take time to spend with your husband,make him your best friend ,do trips & fun things with him.It works

[nok]

I understand how you feel.

I would like to offer some suggestions :

1. Go to church. There are people there who are willing to socialize with others. In church, they have parties, dances, barbecues, activities to do with others in church, etc. If you don't like one church, then go to another. Even if you're not religious, you can enjoy the social aspects that a church offers.

2. Join a health fitness center and exercise there regularly. Exercising helps us feel better about ourselves and releases certain hormones that makes us feel good ( I don't know if that's true or not but that's what I heard).

3. Join a club that interests you. You can meet friends that way.

4. Take a class in something you're interested in. You will get to know the other students and maybe, make a friend or two along the way.

5. Take a trip. The change of scenery will do a world of good .

6. Internet chat with people.

Hope this helps.

[Boogalette]

Originally Posted by AussiePam

Hi Boogalette - I'm so glad you came in here and let a bit of your feelings out. That's a great start. I think you touched a chord in a lot of us - women who've found ourselves isolated, tired from looking after household needs, and kids. Women who are both tied down, busy, but bored too. In need of adult stimulus, conversation, friends, outside interests.

I well remember a few what I call grey years. I lived them in a kind of depressed fog. And when you're right down, it's hard not to find a way to stop the spiral, and start moving upwards again. The fact that you've managed to come in here and spit some of this out is probably that first hard step. Congratulations.

You know what I found helpful? I started a journal. But I tried to make it a positive journal only. Each day I tried to list a few bright moments, even just one bright moment - simple stuff like - today I saw a bunch of yellow butterflies. Today I turned on the radio and they were playing my favourite song. Today the scowly shop assistant told me a joke and we both laughed.

Good luck with the yoga. Don't get tangled up too creatively - or if you do, put the webcam on!!!


(I dedicated a bit of flamenco to you - dance is a great way to let it all hang out too... ole)
This Song is Dedicated to...............

Thank you Aussie Pam, I appreciate that
I should start my gratitude journal again. I did wonders for me years ago. I think I will, even if I have to say I'm happy to have trimmed my fingernails. Or maybe SpongeBob...I like him, he's funny.
I'm wallowing in the dark. I'm wondering if I'm unhappy with my marriage. Actually I think that If I entertain that thought, then it must be hitting close to home.

I'm taking the blame, I don't know why. I do know that I'm beginning to get angry. That's not good, But it's better than thinking about driving into a transport truck, or slipping under while taking a bath. I'd never do it but I do have those foolish thoughts some days.

I'll hang onto the anger for now. I'll listen to music all kinds and that should bring me out of it.

[Boogalette]

Originally Posted by Odie

and I'm also over 50
its hard to define 'friends' with myself, as I have had a couple of evil ones who have much later stabbed me in the back, and this was just a few months ago, not in my teen years.

I met a friend 6 years ago, a neighbour, we used to sit out on my porch for coffee, until I realized she was only coming over when she needed me to talk to.

Even good friends who later on kind of stated to twist things around...

I had the best friend for over 25 years, we were inseparable, even during our first two divorces...then one day met someone a man....and I hear from her every 6-8 months now.


'Good' Friendship' sometimes never comes easy.

__________________________________________________ _____________________________________________


Different ways you can meet people:


-find a group in you area from 'your local community centre', they have all kinds of programs

-google 'group programs for adults in 'your own town', or city.
(ex: I live in Toronto but because Toronto is so big and I would not want to travel over the entire city I would google Etobicoke as that is one of the ciites in Toronto that I live in.)
-take a course on something you have always wanted to do, salsa dancing, clay potting, cooking, exercise programs, etc......
-start going for walks
--there are also all kinds of 'help' groups for anything you may think you need help in or you children or husband etc.
-going to church
hope these help.

All of these ideas help, Spot, thank you. I have logistics that come into play but they are being considered right now.
People **** me off too somedays. I thought high school ended at high school but it doesn't. Most days, I love life but I have spells, and this one is hanging one. Brutal. I see it though, and that is 3/4 of the battle.