Realising that I am very lonely

[Boogalette]

Originally Posted by lou lou belle

I love this thread, not only can I relate to it, but I know people who have felt like you.

Dont dispair, you will get through this. you are still young enough to move on and start another life and that is possible.

Life begins at Forty, and i do know what I am talking about, I am now 40 and love my life, I am happy and fulfilled in what I do, but that is only because i have craved that and succeeded in my goal. Look at yourself and ask yourself what do you want to do? what is it that would make you happy, then you will have the answer.

You will be happier and I know from experience a lot stronger. Good luck x

Life is not a rehersal

I wish I knew what I wanted. I have always wondered what my bliss was? I envy those that have found theirs, that makes them happy people.

I am going to have a closer look, but I can't see the forest for the tress most days.

[Boogalette]

Originally Posted by Patsy Warnick

1st - you say your a Wife...

what happened to that relationship - no friend there ??
have you grown apart? what happened to that best friend you married.???

I don't put alot into this mid life crisis - you get what you put in......
you need to think about if your bored with life in general..??
are you bored with that relationship with your husband?

Start there before wanting to go out with the girls, which would lead to more than a manicure.. trust me I know

Patsy

Not lately, Patsy, not lately.
He wants what he wants and does not want to give me what I want. I won't give him what he wants because he won't give me what I want. Vicious cycle.
Oh, I've tried to yield and thought that if he were to have what he wanted that I in turn would get what I want eventually.
But I don't.
He wants certain things in the bedroom that I have no interest in.
I want stuff put away...that's it, put your sh|it away.

Nope , it's not working that way.
So yes, I'm bored.
There I said it...out loud, well, I typed it out. Now I have to tell him.

[Patsy Warnick]

Boogalette

AussiePam has given you some insight & great advise - I also keep a journal, not a frequently as I'd like, it is good therapy - it is a good start.
alot of times just actually seeing what you've written - as you said
There I said it...!!

Sounds to me you need to think - Do you like your husband..?
Do you like him??!! - do you like spending time with him? or do you spend time together?
Have you isolated yourself? Have you or are you closing yourself off? meaning not only avoiding him - avoiding eye contact - avoiding others as well?

Your very mad at him - and like most women, WE NEED TO TALK IT OUT...

any chance of talking peacefully with your husband? you need to start there....
if Women don't talk - then we stay mad which snowballs...!!

Patsy

[Nomad]

Just off the top of my head, mainly because thats all thats left, theres a simple saying I like very much.

If you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got.

In other words maybe its time to re-invent yourself. You can you know. Anything is possible. It always comes down to how much effort we want to put into it.
Whom would you like to become?

[Mustang]

You were attracted to your husband at one point in your life since you married him. Recall what that was and rekindle it.

Sometimes we get so comfortable in our relationship that we no longer take the effort to make our spouse feel special. It feels like the spark has just went out of the relationship sometimes, doesn't it? Feel unappreciated and stuck in the same routine. Life gets busy, and instead of doing things as a couple we start going in separate directions.

If your relationship is lacking verbal communication, buy him a card and write him a love letter. Tell him exactly what you're feeling and what you'd like to see change, in a positive way. Sometimes us guys don't get the message when women talk to us, but a written letter is something we can hold and reread to 'get' the message you're trying to get across.

[AussiePam]

I agree with Patsy, and also like what Nomad is saying about maybe reinventing yourself.

I've reread this thread and have had another thought. It isn't always possible of course, and it's less easy when children are very small, but can you work for even a few hours a week outside the home? I assume you're not now doing this. Even start a course on something you can really get your teeth into. Like photography or creative writing or sports massage. Something for the mind, like the yoga for your body.

Having a strand of your life separate and independent from the hearth and home can really help some women. Claustrophobia often means that your pain is focussed on your nearest and dearest, as the only available outlet. Difficult, because you're the prime homemaker, but still, men don't always deal well with such pressure, and stress can escalate till you're in a no win place neither of you really are ready to be in.

Reinvent yourself and liberate that goddess spark !!!! It could be a great adventure.

[oscar]

Originally Posted by Boogalette

All of these ideas help, Spot, thank you. I have logistics that come into play but they are being considered right now.
People **** me off too somedays. I thought high school ended at high school but it doesn't. Most days, I love life but I have spells, and this one is hanging one. Brutal. I see it though, and that is 3/4 of the battle.

Hi Boogie Woogie,

You have had some fantastic advice here from some of the best peeps.

When I look at my friends, friends, I some-times see that they don't step 'outside the box'. Some folks think 'I'm 40 years old, there-fore I'm looking for a friends of 40 years old'. Do you get my drift?
One thing my Father told me when I was a small kid at school was 'Not everyone in life will like you... do not waste your time with these people, for many others will.'
Friends come in all ages, religions, colours, different vacations in life etc etc. One day I can be having coffee with a group of 80 year old ladies at one of our meetings, another evening chatting for hours to teenagers in my village. Some days I even have police officers pop in for a cup of coffee, another day I'm picking up a neighbours child from school while she is at work. So my advice would be don't catorgorise people and pigeon hole them thinking they won't suit your life. Some-times, the very best friends come from the one's you least expect.
It's all very well, some-one saying to you, my life is great, my life is fullfilled but you'll ususally find the one's who insist they have a great life are the ones who are just wishing. You don't have to achieve your goals to make good long lasting friends.... Just be yourself and give it time. From your posts... I think the last thing you need is some-one telling you how great their life is !!. I am older than you and I have certainly not achieved all my goals yet. The key is to not catogorise yourself in a box. ie Mother, wife etc. Think of what you would like to do with your life and think about how you can try to achieve those goals and what you need to do to begin the journey.

Best wishes,
Julie

[Liling]

I think all of us feel lonely sometimes. Being alone is never a problem for me cause there is always something to do. Maybe having a new hobby can help you kill some free time.

[shelbell]

Hi Boogalette...I hope things have changed in a positive way since you first posted this. I know my situation is a little different, but in ways are the same. From the time I met my husband, we were best friends, we did everything together because we enjoyed all the same things. We were so close that all our friends fell to the wayside. Well he died about 8 months ago, and now I find myself totally friendless. He and our kids were my life...but my kids are all grown (only my 17yr old left at home) so I have no idea who I even am.

I've been battling major depression and bipolar2 for many years, but now I feel it's impossible to find a friend, especially since I don't like leaving my house. I'm restricted as to what I can do because I'm disabled. I've withdrawn into myself so much that I don't know how to get out of this hole I'm in. I also think people see me as a stone...I'm not one to show many emotions. I know your feelings of friendlessness...it's a sad a lonely place to be. There are so many great ideas on this thread that I find myself thinking about trying some. I'm so glad you posted this thread...it's helped me too. Thank you.

[Nomad]

Originally Posted by Liling

I think all of us feel lonely sometimes. Being alone is never a problem for me cause there is always something to do. Maybe having a new hobby can help you kill some free time.

Not to mention, other people are just no damned good.