The fact that you are still in a relationship is demonstration of his regard, a man this pragmatic wouldn't be there otherwise. It sounds very similar to the relationship between my partner and I. You are aware that Northern Europeans are not particularly demonstrative? actions speak louder than words. Why change a man you fell in love with? He's not trying to do that to you.
i have been with my boyfriend for about a year, not really long but its a serious relationship, we live together but all we do is fight, every single day we are arguing about something. i feel like he loves me but yet it is for selfish reasons but i honestly feel like he dont care about me, like if im sick or something he shows no compassion he never spoils me or anything i mean im not asking for this everyday just oncce in a while but he never does. i feel like im just convenient for him, like im his sidekick here whenever he needs me but whenever i need him its such a big deal and he makes me feel like im "high maintenance". im just so confused . its like i thought taht when u really love somebody all those little things just come natural. but it doesn't with him . he just seems so cold.
i even threatened to leave and he would cry and beg me to stay and that he would change but he never does. it like the only time he cares about our relationship is when i have one foot out the door.
if i may, so i don't look too cruel, Valerie bumped this thread because kitty started another one later with the same complaints...she was trying to make a point with her. that she didn't seem to learn or change. she just wanted sympathy and validation of her whining. frankly, i find all this pathetic. who gives a damn WHY he's a jerk? HE'S A JERK! bye-bye!! god, don't women have any self respect anymore?
Thank you, LC for the clarification. I am resolved to put a reason for a
bump any time in future!
Emmaf, your boyfriend is playing with your head. I don't mind at all
listening to people tell their troubles, and I can be sympathetic, I
many years ago was in that situation.
It's not going to get better. At best, if you could get your bf to go
to counseling with you, that might help. But my guess from long
experience is that he LIKES the way things are, and trying to keep you
under his heel.
You simply have to take control of your life, and get out and make it
better. All the sympathy in the world that I (or anyone else) can give you
won't really do diddly to help. We are far removed from you geographically
in all likelyhood, so that's the end of THAT.
You say you don't have any money or a support system? Well find a
women's and children's shelter near you. Or a Domestic Violence
hotline. Or whatever else you can find, they are out there. Someone
will really help you to get your situation BETTER.
This is sounding like serious emotional problems, in terms of your boyfriend. Sounds like he is a sociopath. You sound like a very intelligent, smart, intuative girl. I've run into someone like this before. Very same behavior and it was very difficult to handle. When I needed to be understood and was down emotionally he could not relate to my sadness. There was no comfort. He could not connect. I cried in agony and he just sat in front of me, looked at me, and handed me a tissue. It was all too mechanical. I felt like I was crazy, that I wasn't worth the trouble. Being away from him and upon further reflection he just didn't have any feelings. No empathy, no compassion, could not put himself in my shoes. Its scary being around someone like that. Someone "normal" would have at least tried to say kind words of comfort and quite frankly that's all I would have needed. Don't settle for this behavior. He may be perfect in every other way, so was this guy- and not a boyfriend, but you deserve someone that will be there emotionally in a normal way for you. Sorry, but there are people like this in the world and I never want to run into one like that again. I hope this reaches you, sister.