Nervous Breakdowns

[almostfamous]

So, this is isn't something that I've really shared on here but today I got a 'kick in the gut' of sorts that brought it back to the forefront rather abruptly.

In November of 07 I had what was eventually termed as a "nervous breakdown"... it took a while for the "experts" to decide that it was indeed what had occurred because I kept being accused of meth abuse.... It was the only way they felt they could explain my behavior even though my system was absolutely void of any evidence. This was because I WAS NOT, nor have I EVER BEEN a meth user/addict.

So, there are 3 days that I still can't personally account for. The blanks, well most of them, have been filled in by friends that witnessed my erratic behavior at the time. Friends that to this day.. our relationships have not mended to my satisfaction. It breaks my heart most days because these women were a source of strength in my life and I miss them more than words can convey. I understand their hesitance in a way and more than that, understand how they were hurt by my words and actions at the time even though I wasn't myself.

But, today... I looked at one of those friends' facebook and realized she had sent her wedding invitations out and simultaneously realized she never asked for my address. I know I move a lot but come on... we just spoke by phone a couple of weeks ago and even though I might not be able to make the trip.... an invite would've avoided this crappy feeling I have right now.

It sucks that something I couldn't help has caused this aching pain in my heart today. A pain that I've tried to push aside because the breakdown in itself was by far, the hardest thing I've ever endured and attempted to gain understanding of.

Has anyone else ever been through something like this? Should I say something to her? Or should I mark it off? Suppressing my emotions is what led to the breakdown in the first place but I just hate making waves

(...sorry for the book)

[gmc]

It's hard to deal with someone that has had a breakdown-to know what to do or say-not everyone is sympathetic to people that are mentally ill She may feel you would not be able to cope or others there might have made things uncomfortable for you and that's why she didn't ask you. Rather than assume the worst perhaps she was being thoughtful.

I was at a relatives wedding-the grooms brother is a manic depressive who apparently declined because it wasn't a "proper" wedding. Most of his friends are unaware he even has a brother-not out of shame or anything but more because in our culture you keep to yourself about some things. In a way it was a relief as he has been violent in the past and has a habit of deliberately saying things that antagonise people -in the name of saying what he thinks. In a social gathering with strangers it could have been a nightmare and spoiled the day for the groom's mother more than anyone else.

[Odie]

'Friends that to this day.. our relationships have not mended to my satisfaction. It breaks my heart most days because these women were a source of strength in my life and I miss them more than words can convey. I understand their hesitance in a way and more than that, understand how they were hurt by my words and actions at the time even though I wasn't myself.'


As you just said they have been hesitant every since your breakdown.

Some who don't know how to 'handle' or 'cope' with what they see when a person they have known for so long, all of a sudden acts irrationally.....its scares them to see the person like that.

This is why they were hesitant.......

some will say, omg, she's gone insane?

others may think, can I trust her not to hurt me?

she's a nutcase, she should be in a mental institution?

they don't say these things to hurt you.......they just don't know what a breakdown is....


but to those of us, myself included who have had breakdowns know full and well you do survive and gradually get better and your back to yourself again.......and you don't need to be institutionalized or any of the above.


therefore none of the above possible thoughts or being frightened that you may possible hurt them.......never enter 'our' minds.


I would honestly ask her, 'I just noticed I am not on your invitation list?
'Did I do or say something to offend you?'

then after she has answered......ask her 'is it due to the breakdown I had?.......and explain that you have been 100% better since then.



if she gives you an excuse and doesn't ask you? -------just accept it and move on.

we don't always get to chose & keep our friends for various reasons.
(and I never said it doesn't hurt)



hope this helps and good luck!

[Raven]

Sweetheart, in science terms, your nervous system went ppphhhttt brieflly. It took a long time to get to that point, and it is going to take a lot longer to heal. Vitamins e, c, and b12, plus b6 are all good for promoting nervous system health. Evening primrose also does a trick as well.
But as for healing relationships, if your 'friends' cant be forgiving when an apology and explaination is given, then they are not the kind of people you need around you while you heal.
It is time to take stock of what is really important in your life and what is not. I know...I've been there.
Identify what factors drove you to where you were and amputate them. (not talking body parts here!) You have a wonderful chance to start fresh. You have done nothing to warrant snubs, but perhaps you still may be hypersensitive? By giving your friend the benefit of the doubt, you can put away negative karma and move on. If understanding and compassion are witheld from you, then you need to develop friendships with kindred souls who can help you learn to forgive yourself. Thats where true healing begins.
x

[farmer giles]

when my ex took chantelle away after i brought her up alone till she was 5 i had a breakdown i remember crying a lot and drinking a lot

i lost a year of my life

[shelbell]

I'm not sure if what I've suffered is nervous breakdowns, or are meltdowns...maybe they're the same thing.

I've never had to be hospitalized from it, but somedays all I do is cry, others I stay in bed and sleep for 2-3 days only getting up to use the bathroom and get some water to drink...then I'm right back in bed....and I sleep the entire time. Sometimes I can't remember what day it is, and I'll just forget to eat. I've dealt with severe depression for many years, along with bipolar2. I've suffered thru many of these symptoms for a long time, but after hubby passed away 6 months ago, so many of these things have only gotten worse. Anytime something else bad comes up, even minor things, I just seem to freak out and over react, sometimes I just go to bed and don't care about anything but sleeping.

It's so lonely and it feels that no one else can possibly understand what I'm going thru. Sometimes I just want to put my fist thru the wall, or bang my head against it...and sometimes I just wish there was somone aroud that I could just bash their face in.

[Kathy Ellen]

Hey Beth

I hear what you're saying. I try really hard not to give up on my friends when they're having a hard time and hope they do the same for me. I have stood by all my friends helping them through their issues, except one. I had to give up on this friend as her problems, after our 30 yr. friendship, was destroying my life. I had to let this friendship go.

But, if friends won't support you, then maybe they were never a true friend. Maybe you don't really need friends like that.

Do you feel comfortable calling your friend and asking why you weren't invited? This way you'll know and can then move on. Maybe it's a misunderstanding. It would be good to give her a chance to explain her decision before you react.

AND, I hear you when you say that it's hard for you to cause waves. All of my years growing up, I was never allowed to create 'ripples' and it's still hard for me to confront people when I'm upset. I was thinking about creating a thread about it tonight..dunno...

Keep the faith Beth...talk to her first. It might hurt to know the truth but at least you'll have closure and will be able to move on.

Good luck

[AussiePam]

AFTR and Shelbell - you are both getting some ongoing professional medical help, aren't you??!! There's a lot that can be done to help the kind of things you're dealing with. Illness can be mental as well as physical and there is no shame in it. Any more than there would be if you'd got malaria. It needs treatment, then ongoing monitoring.

AFTR - it's sad, but there are a lot of people who just don't understand, are afraid at what happened, maybe feel threatened by it. You said your behaviour when you had the breakdown was erratic. It spooked your friend. Not everyone can cope. People diagnosed with cancer also find some friends just can't cope. Not that they are bad people, or want to hurt anyone, they just can't go there. It's sad.

Kathy's advice is good!!

Shelbell - what you describe is immediately recognisable to anyone who's been involved with bipolar depression. Don't beat yourself up over it as well. It's an illness - and needs medical attention and tender loving care.

[almostfamous]

Originally Posted by gmc

It's hard to deal with someone that has had a breakdown-to know what to do or say-not everyone is sympathetic to people that are mentally ill She may feel you would not be able to cope or others there might have made things uncomfortable for you and that's why she didn't ask you. Rather than assume the worst perhaps she was being thoughtful.

I was at a relatives wedding-the grooms brother is a manic depressive who apparently declined because it wasn't a "proper" wedding. Most of his friends are unaware he even has a brother-not out of shame or anything but more because in our culture you keep to yourself about some things. In a way it was a relief as he has been violent in the past and has a habit of deliberately saying things that antagonise people -in the name of saying what he thinks. In a social gathering with strangers it could have been a nightmare and spoiled the day for the groom's mother more than anyone else.

I appreciate your view on it but thoughtful feels far fetched. Maybe I'm just more thoughtful?? And I could never imagine doing this to another friend? And I'm not saying she did it on purpose but seriously.... we just talked around a week ago and we even talked about the wedding. Something that perplexes me now is a question she asked me during that conversation... and I can't quite understand the intention or reasoning behind it now but she asked me "so you won't have had the baby by the time I get married will you?"... she almost sounded sad and at the time, I took it as she knew I wouldn't want to be IN the wedding all pregnant and junk. So, having said that, why talk about the wedding if there would be no intention of inviting me?

And as for it being uncomfortable for me, few people there even know about it. Unless she talked a lot of **** about me behind my back and me being face to face with those people would be uncomfortable, only not to me cuz I have no clue what she's told everyone... ya know what lol.... I think I have my answer.

As Rob would say, I knew you'd figure it out if you argued with yourself about it enough

[almostfamous]

Originally Posted by Odie

hope this helps and good luck!

Thanks Odie, it does help but I think I'm just going to let it be. It's her day and no matter what I wish her the best. I don't have it in me for hard feelings, it simply is what it is and pain is no stranger. It's not worth getting too mucked up about, I know that now.

One thing that has probably been the hardest thing for me to accept about people in my life that let me down or hurt me for whatever reason is the fact that I'm not that way. I'm not saying I'm perfect or have never hurt someone but I'm overly considerate most days.... well, I used to be moreso than I am now but you can only be taken advantage of so many times before you become a little harder towards people.. But sometimes it just hurts because in certain situations you know you would've handled things differently *shrug*