In The Living Years

[jones jones]

I went to boarding school during my high school years and for various reasons saw very little of my father during this time. Much later when I had my own home he phoned me up and asked if he could come and see me.

We spent the whole evening talking and the next morning when I woke up and went to the bathroom I found him lying dead on the floor. He’d died from a heart attack early that morning.

So please make sure that you are always on speaking terms with your parents.

I heard this song playing on my car radio this morning.

Its called “The Living Years” and is by Mike and The Mechanics.

It always reminds me of my dad.

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thoughts
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got

You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talkin' in defense

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts

So Don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different date
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be O.K.

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say

I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

[kayleneaussie]

oh wow jj how sad for you but in another way how happy you must be that you spent time talking together the night before. You are so right, you should treasure your parents when you can. I lost both my parents suddenly many years ago and I bitterly regret not telling them how much I loved them

[jones jones]

Originally Posted by kayleneaussie

oh wow jj how sad for you but in another way how happy you must be that you spent time talking together the night before. You are so right, you should treasure your parents when you can. I lost both my parents suddenly many years ago and I bitterly regret not telling them how much I loved them

you are so so right honey!

[Carolly]

Although I knew my mother after a very hard childhood and living with foster parents.........I never really knew her.All I saw was a very bitter nasty woman to be honest.I never saw beyond the way she was towards me and what had made her like that.The last six weeks of her life when she lay there in hospital and after some years of being apart from each other I saw the real her for the last time. She was in actual fact a very funny and caring human being and it seemed that for the first time I was actually seeing her.She spoke of all those wasted years.......she spoke of how she was treated when she had given birth to me and not been married and her sister wouldn't allow me in the house so she had to have me fostered out..........she spoke of how she wouldn't let my father.............whoever he may have been.......get his evil hands on me......she spoke of so much.For the first time in my life she also told me how much she loved me........She died the day after coming out of hospital ......in my house......she had a terrible death and she refused to go back into hospital.Because she had died in the parish she was allowed to be buried in my village church..........over looking the sheep and farmland.........far cry from the east end but at last she would never be alone again.I was lucky as I got to know my mother in those 6 weeks and I would give everything I own to have that piece of time back again.Life can be cruel at times but thank God we found each other in the end and realised our true feelings for each other.

[jones jones]

Originally Posted by Carolly

Although I knew my mother after a very hard childhood and living with foster parents.........I never really knew her.All I saw was a very bitter nasty woman to be honest.I never saw beyond the way she was towards me and what had made her like that.The last six weeks of her life when she lay there in hospital and after some years of being apart from each other I saw the real her for the last time. She was in actual fact a very funny and caring human being and it seemed that for the first time I was actually seeing her.She spoke of all those wasted years.......she spoke of how she was treated when she had given birth to me and not been married and her sister wouldn't allow me in the house so she had to have me fostered out..........she spoke of how she wouldn't let my father.............whoever he may have been.......get his evil hands on me......she spoke of so much.For the first time in my life she also told me how much she loved me........She died the day after coming out of hospital ......in my house......she had a terrible death and she refused to go back into hospital.Because she had died in the parish she was allowed to be buried in my village church..........over looking the sheep and farmland.........far cry from the east end but at last she would never be alone again.I was lucky as I got to know my mother in those 6 weeks and I would give everything I own to have that piece of time back again.Life can be cruel at times but thank God we found each other in the end and realised our true feelings for each other.

that is so touching carol honey and what a lovely ending!


Jj

[along-for-the-ride]

Many of us have a tendency to put our parents up on a pedestal. It's hard to see them a just people with faults...doing the best they could or knew how to do as parents to us. I also was able to visit my mother before she passed away. She lived 600 miles for me and had been ill for a long time. I am so glad that I did. My dad lives that 600 miles away and I think of him often. We do keep in touch.

[Bryn Mawr]

Originally Posted by along-for-the-ride

Many of us have a tendency to put our parents up on a pedestal. It's hard to see them a just people with faults...doing the best they could or knew how to do as parents to us. I also was able to visit my mother before she passed away. She lived 600 miles for me and had been ill for a long time. I am so glad that I did. My dad lives that 600 miles away and I think of him often. We do keep in touch.

Oh, I don't know - it's all to easy to see my father's faults but, for all that, he is my father and gave me everything I had as a child.

[Kathy Ellen]

Ahhhhh JJ,

I'm so sorry that happened to you That is so very sad, but at least you had some quality time to spend with him. My Dad also died in front of me. He just fell on the floor and died ,and we were all alone. It was a nightmare that I will never forget.

I know how you feel...sending lots of sunbeams to you

[Hope6]

I'm so sorry that happened to you Jj!

It's amazing that you mention that song. I have a strong connection to that song as well. It's always reminded me of my dad too.

My dad died in our home, of a heart attack, when I was 17 years old. I connected especially with the verse about not being there the morning that he died. I was at school and I've always felt guilty for not being there.

but mostly I think about all the things that he's missed in my life. Things like seeing me go to the prom or graduate from high school, but the hardest has been since my baby was born. I've been thinking about my dad alot lately and about how I wish so much, that he could have seen his grandson.

I think all we can do is think about all the good times we did get to spend with them and remember them fondly.

I just thank God I still have my mother.

My dad died at home of a heart attack when I was 15. I was a novice at CPR and couldn't save him. Not an experience I'd want to go through again, that's for sure.

This song tugs at me too Jj. My mom, sisters and I take special care to tell each other 'I love you' every time we talk. It's a shame sometimes what has to happen before you say those words to those you really care about.