More Editing of the Bible

[minks]

Originally Posted by YZGI

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
Because Canadians are only good for Moose and Beaver hunting.

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? She is 6 years old, healthy, and very smart. She doesn't want to be a slave, so that might be a problem.
Sell now, you will get more. If you wait til she's a teenager you will be lucky to get an even trade on a mule.

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19 24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Look the women deep into the eyes. If you see a devil looking back stay away from her the next week or so.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
Just pour some BBQ sauce on the bull and invite them over.

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
If it is before 6 a.m. you kill them. If after 8 a.m. you ask them to mow your lawn also.

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
You can eat all the shellfish you want if you invite a Homosexual to eat them with you. If the friend still doesn't like gay's just slather them in BBQ sauce and tell them it is the cow your sacraficing later.

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear contact lenses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
Two words---Ray Bans

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though Lev. 19 expressly forbids this: How should they die?
By drowning in Head and Shoulders shampoo.
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? What should we do with the NFL?
Your OK as long as you use the new Nike stick-um gloves.

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
Better yet, just invite them all over for the BBQ'd Bull and let the Gay's serve them shrimp appetizers.



This post was not intended to offend just too amuse.

Goood Gawd pmsl!!!!

[minks]

Originally Posted by Omni_Skittles

How is it restrictive and repressive? I'm sorry loving your neighbor is such a bad thing and that living a righteous life is just SOOOO horrible. I mean forgive me if i think that having sex before marriage is a bad thing, then again, i've never had to worry if the guy will call me back or if i have an STD... Man... the bible is just SOOO horrible. However, i would agree more if you said Christains were restrictive and repressive, sadly.

it is the bible, if one chooses to live by the bible so be it, but let us not forget, somebody had to translate the bible back in the beginning, do we trust them as a source to live our lives by.
Not looking to offend anyone that is just my thoughts and I stop here.

[YZGI]

Originally Posted by minks

it is the bible, if one chooses to live by the bible so be it, but let us not forget, somebody had to translate the bible back in the beginning, do we trust them as a source to live our lives by.
Not looking to offend anyone that is just my thoughts and I stop here.

The answer most commonly cited on this Minks is that the translaters were inspired by God. What I haven't ever seen is where it says this.

[Ted]

It seems to me that any idea of changing the translation as posted above it simply one group trying to make the Bible support their ideology and are not the least bit interested in the truth. This is pure dishonesty.

Shalom

Ted

[YZGI]

Originally Posted by Ted

It seems to me that any idea of changing the translation as posted above it simply one group trying to make the Bible support their ideology and are not the least bit interested in the truth. This is pure dishonesty.

Shalom

Ted

Hi Ted, Good to see you around.

[spot]

But Jesus was a free market entrepreneur, Ted. It's just that the old bible versions didn't use a free market vocabulary so it wasn't easily noticed.

Blessed are those who add service value, their growth shall be exponential.

[minks]

Originally Posted by YZGI

The answer most commonly cited on this Minks is that the translaters were inspired by God. What I haven't ever seen is where it says this.

hmmmmmm in todays society in some places they would be called quacks (no offence to Qsduck)
But it's about choice and if one does or does not choose to believe is their choice I don't mind.

[Chookie]

Originally Posted by hoppy

Right on. I get a boot out of these yoo-hoos that laugh at people who try to use he bible as a guidebook through life. I wonder what they use?

This, for a start:- An ye harm none, do what ye will....

And remember the threefold rule:- Whatever good or evil you do to others will be reflected back to you threefold