More Editing of the Bible

[Lon]

Conservative Bible Project Cuts Out Liberal Passages

[minks]

Originally Posted by Lon

Conservative Bible Project Cuts Out Liberal Passages

I don't know if this is a spoof or not, but good gawd if it's actually somebodies idea or some groups idea I think the world has gone toooooooooooooooooo far now.

[spot]

There were "liberal" passages??

Conservative Bible Project - Conservapedia is the place itself. No, it's not a spoof.

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" is, apparently, a liberal falsehood.

Golly.

[Chookie]

Does this mean it'll be even more restrictive and repressive?

[Omni_Skittles]

How is it restrictive and repressive? I'm sorry loving your neighbor is such a bad thing and that living a righteous life is just SOOOO horrible. I mean forgive me if i think that having sex before marriage is a bad thing, then again, i've never had to worry if the guy will call me back or if i have an STD... Man... the bible is just SOOO horrible. However, i would agree more if you said Christains were restrictive and repressive, sadly.

[hoppy]

Originally Posted by Omni_Skittles

How is it restrictive and repressive? I'm sorry loving your neighbor is such a bad thing and that living a righteous life is just SOOOO horrible. I mean forgive me if i think that having sex before marriage is a bad thing, then again, i've never had to worry if the guy will call me back or if i have an STD... Man... the bible is just SOOO horrible. However, i would agree more if you said Christains were restrictive and repressive, sadly.

Right on. I get a boot out of these yoo-hoos that laugh at people who try to use he bible as a guidebook through life. I wonder what they use?

[Kindle]

Whatever are they thinking...............................

No matter how they will try to corrupt it (the Bible),
its truth will still come through.

[Richard Bell]

Some very interesting Bible questions from a popular e-mail of a couple of years ago :

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? She is 6 years old, healthy, and very smart. She doesn't want to be a slave, so that might be a problem.

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19 24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear contact lenses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though Lev. 19 expressly forbids this: How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? What should we do with the NFL?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

[Clodhopper]

Good stuff, Richard.

The Old Testament is the tribal history of the Tribes of Judah and their relationship with Jehovah. Which was pretty rocky.

Then comes the New Testament and Jesus Christ. If you are a Christian then Christ is the Messiah who died for us and in whom we are saved.

If you are a Christian, should you live your life by the Word of Christ, or the tribal laws of the Judeans? You can't do both. They conflict.

[YZGI]

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
Because Canadians are only good for Moose and Beaver hunting.

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? She is 6 years old, healthy, and very smart. She doesn't want to be a slave, so that might be a problem.
Sell now, you will get more. If you wait til she's a teenager you will be lucky to get an even trade on a mule.

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19 24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Look the women deep into the eyes. If you see a devil looking back stay away from her the next week or so.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
Just pour some BBQ sauce on the bull and invite them over.

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
If it is before 6 a.m. you kill them. If after 8 a.m. you ask them to mow your lawn also.

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
You can eat all the shellfish you want if you invite a Homosexual to eat them with you. If the friend still doesn't like gay's just slather them in BBQ sauce and tell them it is the cow your sacraficing later.

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear contact lenses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
Two words---Ray Bans

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though Lev. 19 expressly forbids this: How should they die?
By drowning in Head and Shoulders shampoo.
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? What should we do with the NFL?
Your OK as long as you use the new Nike stick-um gloves.

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
Better yet, just invite them all over for the BBQ'd Bull and let the Gay's serve them shrimp appetizers.



This post was not intended to offend just too amuse.