its me!!

[Helen]

well, one good thing to come out of today is that i've swapped shifts with someone so i dont have to work tonight.
ive had a read on " the thread" and yet again the point i was trying to make has been brushed over.

I DIDNT HAVE THE CHANCE TO REPLY TO ANY OF THE POSTS THAT WERE PUT ON BECAUSE I WAS JUMPED ON FROM A GREAT HEIGHT BEFORE I HAD THE CHANCE TO POST ANYTHING !!! I WAS READING BACK OVER TWO PAGES OF POSTS WHICH, UNLESS YOU ARE A SPEED READER, TAKES A FEW MINITS !!

i cant make it any clearer than that but i dont suppose its going to make any difference whatever i say.

[Helen]

had a long phone call from a good mate of mine tonight, shes away on her holidays, lucky girl, that cheered my evening up a bit,
its so cold outside, theres a heck of a gale blowing and i hate the way the evenings are suddenly drawing in now,
i was going to go into work tonight, to bring the potatos round for the morning and save myself a job for tomorrow but i thought, no, im not going to. what dosnt get done, dosnt get done. no one else, except the boss does extra to cover for their day off or to make sure the others arnt left with extra jobs to do so im no longer going to do it.
im putting my foot down with a firm hand !!
im looking forward to the darts season starting again. got to stick to my rule that i WONT be playing three nights a week this year but i bet that soon changes

[Helen]

something strange has happened here today, not sure how long it will last though.
THE SUN IS OUT
not only is this an unusual occurance in my part of england this summer, its also a bank holiday weekend coming up. the two things just normally dont go hand in hand !!
got roughly another three weeks of the season left now. it occurred to me this morning that ive worked every bank holiday for the last 8yrs and a good few before that too.
i always said i would never do cleaning for a living, cos bringing up three kids more or less single handed, i had enough of me own to do but youve got to do what youve got to do.
ive worked with horses most of my life, thats my first love. then ive done farm work, petrol stations, shops, fruit farms, markets,looked after other peoples kids,hotels, cafes so i guess ive had a varied working life.
want to start taking it a bit easier nowbut id probably die of boredom !!

[Helen]

well, thats it, bank holidy over and done with...........most of the holiday makers will be gone by lunch time tomorrow. there will still be a few about til about 10th sept and the kids have to return to school but nothing like there have been up til now and that wasnt anything to write home about this year either.
very bad season.
everybody here is tired and fed up. we've had some bad tempered customers, specially when they've been refused 19 pound coins in change for a can of coke from a £20 note so they can fed the car park meters. bet a lot of you dont know that the banks and post offices actually charge you to exchange notes for coins in any large amount !!! so thats a bit more of the very little profit gone !!
they will actually stand there and swear at you or give you the middle finger !! the customers i mean, not the bank staff
my feet ache, my back hurts, ive got no nails left because of picking up bags of potatos and being in cold water seven days a week and ive not had a day off for five weeks.
three days of dry, wont say sun cos theres not been that much but its still a first !!

[Helen]

had a busy couple of days, done a bit more to the "moving on " stage of my life.
i have a garage that ive had my past life stored in for about three years, it was my late partners and his dads before him, so there were things still there that belonged to them too.
sadly a lot of it was ruined because it got damp so it ended up at the local rubbish dump.
my friend, who ive mentioned before came down and helped me sort it out.
he took all the tools etc back with him this morning for helping me do it.
theres stuff for my son in law to car boot and ive got to get boxes to downsize whats left of my things so my daughter can store it in her attic.
when ive done that, i can return the garage to the local council and another bit of my past will be gone for good. i will also be a bit financially better off too, not having to pay any more rent on it.
i did have one major upset when i came across my mums effects, that i bought home from the hospital, the day she passed away.
it occurred to me then that i was getting rid of the last few bits that prooved these people ever exsisted but what can i do with it ??
so its been a bit of an emotional couple of days
ive been so glad of some company too and to have someone pick up heavy things for me and be concerned about my feelings made such a wonderful change to the day to day struggle of doing everything myself, while others sit back and watch
and as hard as i tried not to, i still cried when he left.

[Helen]

yet another weekend over and done with !! how quick are the days passing by ??
its been a really nice day today, warm and sunny and i had to look out on it from a shop window
never mind, hopefully i have just worked my last double shift and sundays in general so might be able to spend a bit of time in the garden at my daughters.

cant think of anything else to say at the moment, think me brains gone to sleep before the rest of me has had a chance to catch up with it

[Helen]

just said to a friend of mine, who wrote that shes feeling a bit down and dosnt really know why, that for some strange reason, im feeling the same way.
my extra hours at work have definately been cut now, in fact ive had a day off today !!
perhaps its because, for the last few weeks, all ive done is go to sleep planning what ive got to do the next day, getting up and doing it then back to bed again to do the same thing all over again.
ive now realized just how tired i am and wasnt even going to come on here tonight, cos i keep dozing off as i sit here and thats something i dont do very often.
im so glad my health has improved by leaps and bounds because i dont think i would have coped with it all otherwise.
yet another summer has passed me by, not that i missed much the dark nights are drawing in, which i hate anyway.
i have a very big decision to make, something that i cant talk on here, that will affect my life, should i choose to do it.
gut instinct is a wonderful thing and right at this moment its telling me id be making a mistake cos i think, six months down the line i might be regretting it.
perhaps when ive caught up on my sleep and had a little more time to think, things will be a little clearer.

[Helen]

why cant everyone be allowed, just once in their lives, some sort of magic wand, to be able to see into the future or make one momentus decision easier for you ??
why havnt i got the guts to do what i know ive got to do ??
why is life so bloody hard at times ??

[Helen]

had an offer that is now making things even more difficult for me to decide what i want to do.
it will mean moving some 75 miles away to live in someone elses house. its a lot bigger than what ive got now but will mean that i have waited three years on the council list, for nothing and put up at times with some pretty awful things.
i know people there, i will still be able to play darts and a job is pretty much a certainty.
my kids will be as mad as hell with me. i doubt they will talk to me again !! cos they dont like the person, whose house id be sharing, even though i wont be the only person living there.
to be honest, im even scared of bringing the subject up with them.
ive got two weeks to make up my mind!!

[Helen]

well, decided im not moving, gut instinct or womens instinct ( dont know which is the best one to follow !! ) has told me not to.............
at least the people i share with now, ive known for a long time, around nine years and what is they say ?? better the devil you know..................

got a feeling its going to be the end of another friendship thats lasted 25yrs BUT if thats worth anything to the other party involved, it shouldnt get in the way !!