its me!!

[Helen]

ive sat here several times tonight and attempted to put things down in words !! but when you get accused of being a drama queen................ the wall goes up again and everything gets buried once more !!!

[Helen]

had to renew me subscription for FG today,
god knows why !! think i must be in invisible mode or something !!!!!

[Helen]

having a few days doing some theraputic gardening at my daughters now, in other words im still blocking out the fact im going to have to do something about my housing situation !!! very soon.
its getting to the point where my youngest is going to step in and have a go at my landlord because, despite repeated requests, they still wont write me a letter, explaining the situation, to my local council housing association.
she dosnt mince her words im afraid..................
only got four weeks left now so god knows where im going to end up or who with............
got a feeling it could be in another bedsit with drunks,druggies and late night partys !!! at least where i am now i know my very few belongings i have left are safe and wont be stolen and sold for drug money !!!!!

[Helen]

im really sorry if there are any local authority council people, who are in charge of allocating housing to people, reading this but for gods sake get yer ruddy act together and at least have the decency to find out what other members of your staff are doing before handing out false or mis leading information to people who are about to be made homeless
if your rules have changed, how the devil are ordinary folk supposed to know unless you tell us.
this has been one of the worst days of my life.............. how would you feel if all you thought was going to happen to you in 5wks time was that you were going to be turned out on the street with no hope for anything.
my situation is NOT my fault, my hubby didnt die on purpose to cause you trouble so a little more understanding from someone who is going home at the end of a days work to a safe and secure enviroment would be very helpful !!!!!!!!!!!!!


it was once suggested by someone on FOCERS to type your feelings out on here and even if you didnt post it, it would make you feel better, wells she was right and im still gonna post it anyway !!!

[Helen]

i have been let down VERY BADLY by one of the junior members of my family this week.
how she could do this to me is totally beneath my understanding.
everything i have "down sized " from here before i move out has been given to her, ive taken her out, bought her drinks and food, paid for taxis to get her home and she does what she did to me.
im gutted, totally destroyed right now.................... and right at this moment, im tempted to say to hell with the bloody council and family and everything else and move to where i was asked to go in the first place.
i dont need this........................

perhaps i could post a new profile piccy on here and some of you could check to see if ive got something tattooed on my fore head that makes people treat me like they do !!!

[Helen]

more boxes packed, more stuff thrown out. im really not going to have anything left before long.
got an appointment with the "homeless persons " officer tomorrow !!! that looks scarey now ive actually writen it down............. been told already im to be expected to re home or put my dog to sleep.
how have they got the right to do that ???? its not his fault............ or mine ,come to that.
they even allow pets in old peoples homes these days cos the stress of parting with them devastates their owners. WTF do they think it does to people like myself ??
ive been told its highly unlikely that the council will re home me for at least SEVEN YEARS !!! because of all the people who have had their houses re posessed. while i know how bad that is for them, i have already been on the housing list for nearly 4yrs already so why should i take second place after all that time ???
dont think i did my chances much good when i said all id need by then was a hole in the ground to bury me in and even the council couldnt deny me that !!
ive fallen out with two members of my immediate family. i dont want them to solve my problems............. i just want someone to talk to now and again so i dont feel so bloody alone.
as one of them said last time i was going through this, if she dosnt help me move then she wont have to see me go and get upset by it. excuse me ???? what does she think its doing to me ??
i know that ive damaged or broken a small bone in my foot again cos the pain is awful so its strapped up. im off my face on pain killers cos i just cant afford to be put in plaster and on crutches again for 6wks.
oh well, ive had me moaning session................... onward and upward........... at least ive got the black rap music from upstairs to keep me company while im feelin sorry for meself !!!

[Helen]

been to view a couple of places so far, have actually applied for eleven. four are council propertys so will have to wait til next weekend or after to see if im lucky.
got two to see on monday and tuesday. one im pretty sure i might be able to get. its in a really pretty location BUT its a block of former holiday lets so im not sure how the heating will work, thats usually pretty expensive and its right next door to a riding stable so i might just have another shot at riding while i can still get me leg over so to speak
i will only have a few yards to walk in either direction and the dog will have more freedom than he's been used to for a very long time.
sadly he is the reason ive been turned down for several places too but im not givin up on him.
one would actually take him but NOT me cos i smoke !! at least i know he will have his own flat even if i cant get one !!!
just got to bide my time now and see what happens................... which is going to be hard
i can have the few bits of furniture ive got here as it will only be scrapped if i dont and it will do me til i can replace it. to be honest, the cancer research shop has some beautiful stuff so it wont cost me a lot.
the only real draw back is i might not have the internet, at least for a while......
keep your fingers crossed for me folks................... hopefully this might be the upward turn i need .....................

[Helen]

well, just been phoned about the place i was going to veiw today, the owners had let it already and hadnt told the estate agents !!!!
the one i looked at yesterday was ideal !! a little on the small side, with a washing machine and cooker already installed, a lot better than ive got now BUT there wasnt even a drawer to put yer cutlery in let alone any storage space and no room to add anything either. the heating was on full blast, obvoiusly to try and dry it out a bit but the damp patches were already starting to show through the new paint work on the walls.
for this they want £900 up front and £100 a week !!every one ive looked at, obvoiusly need a credit check on me but at over a £100 each time ???? which i dont get back............... so if id actually filled in the application forms, for all the ones id gone for and sent them off, it would have cost / lost me in the region of £1300 so far !!!
begining to get down in the dumps again now................... 16 days left and still no sign of any where to go................ really dont know whats going to happen now..........

[Helen]

well, ive trawled the estae agents from one end of town to the other, looked on notice boards and bought the local paper and NOTHING !!!
looks like im going to have to put what ive got back into my lock up and will have to do the best i can................... sounds overly dramatic i know but it really looks like im gonna end up on the streets with the rest of societys drop outs.
havin a really bad day at the moment and have got to the stage where im thinkin if i shut meself away in here, they might forget about me and at least i'll have a roof over me head !!!
phoned about the place i went to see the other day to see if they had any with two beds, that way i might be able to fit some sort of cupboard or something in to put me food in and they want £600 a month for it !!! thats all they are, empty rooms, no airing cupboards. no storage units, nothing then i got all the bills on top of that too.

[Helen]

a bit of an update here now ...........
ive just a call from an estate agent offering me a flat ............... and if im a good girl, i can strike up a deal with the landlord to keep the dog if i tidy, on a regular basis, a small communial area out the back !!!

broken bottles, beer cans, household refuse, dirty nappies and drug related items thrown from windows or left outside the back door by the other tennants !!!!!!!!!!! cos they are too bloody lazy to put it in the skip !!

is that what ive come to ?? is that all people think im worth or am i just being too picky ???