Well what the hell did I expect ?!

[G#Gill]

I've been sitting thinking about stuff I've done that may have caused other people upsets. I must have done plenty! Don't get me wrong, I probably deserve all the sh1t - it's just that I can't remember many specifics.

All in all, I've had a good life. Probably much much better than a lot of folks - at least I'm not too bad physically. I've found friends................................ and I've lost friends, which is probably my fault. Now I will think on about what I shall do.

The one thing I just cannot and will not allow, is non-relatives damaging my family in any way. My family is my life, and I will protect them to the best of my ability. Unfortunately, this time, I have failed them. These outsiders that we befriended some years ago have succeeded in damaging my little family, probably beyond repair, and maybe they are happy with this situation.

I vow that I will never get deeply involved with non-relatives ever again - I will never trust anybody like that. I will never allow myself to get that close to people, who are not blood related. We have been severely hurt, and it will no doubt last a lifetime.

At present, I am at my lowest ebb, so I apologise for this miserable post. I always told myself that I would never open a journal thread but something inside told me that it may help me a little if I put some words down, so I hope you will understand. As I said earlier, I have to consider very carefully what I will do now. With my family in pieces and my head all over the place, it would probably be a wise move to just try to get it together as best I can, try to chill if I can, and try to appear strong in front of my family.

My plans for moving into the country are on hold for the forseable future - my dreams consequently, are shattered - for the time being. But, hey, who's to say what lies ahead? There, I've started to be a little positive...................... so here's hoping !

The sad thing about all this, is that it has changed my 'happy-go-lucky' attitude to life. It will be a long time, if ever, that I can get back to that.................... and that, I regret deeply.