New Research: Why Never Spanking Might Be Worse for Kids Than Spanking Them

[Jazzy]

I have to start this by saying I was raised by my dad who was in the military. Every single thing that he felt was "out of place" or did not "confirm to military" standards was rewarded by a spanking (belt and buckle included). He was, I guess, trying to "drill" into me a higher standard. There came a time that I went to school and was pulled from class to the Principales office and there were Police Officers there. They asked me how I got all black & blue and wanted me to sign some kind of paper. I refused and asked them to call my dad. My dad came and picked me up but later in life, I realized they wanted me to sign a child abuse report. My dad (who has passed away) I knew would never hurt me and to this day, I have him to thank. Some of you will say, thank him for what? Thanks for beating your child? Nope, I say to my dad, thank you for making me the strong person I am today and I strive each and every day to go above and beyond (if possible) the potential I hold within myself. He was brought up to hit and the cycle has ended.

[yaaarrrgg]

I've heard of that book but probably won't bother reading it.

Some religions, particularly the Southern Baptist cult (what I was raised in), actually strongly advocate spanking. I was spanked but not nearly as much as my older brother. When my brother was a teenager, he really wasn't a bad a kid at all, but my father had a lot of aggression towards him. Maybe because my brother wasn't mindless and obedient enough.

I recall almost every day for what seemed like a year my father would practically pick a fight, then it would result in spanking my brother. This was the old-school method of corporal punishment, where we were forced to take off our pants and were hit with a belt. (In some cases they actually quoted Bible verses when they did it, justifying their actions ... such as "Spareth the rod"). One day, when my brother was in high school, he pulled the belt out of my father's hands and gave him a good whipping back. I think that might have been the last time my brother was smacked around.

The whole basis of spanking is just bullying, and humiliation. The parents who choose to do so are acting cowardly. The spankers would never dare lay a finger on someone that could fight back, they just pick on people smaller than themselves. But if a person can't control themselves, they have no right to try to control anyone else.

Since what goes around comes around, the next article from the researchers ought to be:
"New Research: Why Never Spanking Might Be Worse for Elderly People Than Spanking Them."

[Clodhopper]

I am always uncomfortable with this idea that one form of treatment will magically work for all kids. There was far too much violence masquerading as discipline in my childhood and it had serious consequences for my personal development and the rest of my life. As in yargggg's case it didn't stop 'til I hit back (in my case, aged 17). But equally, I can accept that on a different person like Jazzy, spanking might work out well. (Um, please take that the way I meant it! )

My default position, though, is to be against spanking.

Except for fun.

[kazalala]

I've heard of that book but probably won't bother reading it.

Some religions, particularly the Southern Baptist cult (what I was raised in), actually strongly advocate spanking. I was spanked but not nearly as much as my older brother. When my brother was a teenager, he really wasn't a bad a kid at all, but my father had a lot of aggression towards him. Maybe because my brother wasn't mindless and obedient enough.

I recall almost every day for what seemed like a year my father would practically pick a fight, then it would result in spanking my brother. This was the old-school method of corporal punishment, where we were forced to take off our pants and were hit with a belt. (In some cases they actually quoted Bible verses when they did it, justifying their actions ... such as "Spareth the rod"). One day, when my brother was in high school, he pulled the belt out of my father's hands and gave him a good whipping back. I think that might have been the last time my brother was smacked around.

The whole basis of spanking is just bullying, and humiliation. The parents who choose to do so are acting cowardly. The spankers would never dare lay a finger on someone that could fight back, they just pick on people smaller than themselves. But if a person can't control themselves, they have no right to try to control anyone else.

Since what goes around comes around, the next article from the researchers ought to be:
"New Research: Why Never Spanking Might Be Worse for Elderly People Than Spanking Them."

What a good post!

I am always uncomfortable with this idea that one form of treatment will magically work for all kids. There was far too much violence masquerading as discipline in my childhood and it had serious consequences for my personal development and the rest of my life. As in yargggg's case it didn't stop 'til I hit back (in my case, aged 17). But equally, I can accept that on a different person like Jazzy, spanking might work out well. (Um, please take that the way I meant it! )

My default position, though, is to be against spanking.

Except for fun.

[Odie]

Good for you, Odie.

It amazes me when I hear of people hitting their kids. Its obvious that they were not ready to have children and are therefore no different than a 13 year old that has children - neither one is capable of caring for them as needed.

The saving grace is the children themselves because they are so likely to give intellectually ill equipped parents unending forgiveness for what they'd done, even to the point of adopting the bad behavior themselves.

Stop the hitting, people, it's now the 21st century - get some education and find some self respect so you can pass that on to your kids instead of this absurd and sickening behavior.

thank you Ahso!

raising teenagers....is not so easy

[fuzzywuzzy]

I always used to say this! If my mam or dad had takena large stick and beaten me with it they would have been done for child abuse, yet it ws ok for a teacher to do it???
I was spanked, not excessivily, but spanked nonetheless. I spanked my kids, until i came to the realisation i was wrong to do that and stopped. There was always, but always another way to discipline.

Me too Kaz. but for a different reason. I was smacked and strapped as a child for punishment not discipline. It made it easier for me to accept later in life any man who wanted to punish me. I have three sons. I don't want them learning that if you're frustrated you have a "right" to hit your wife or children. I stopped smacking my eldest when he was two years old and only once across the face when he was about 16. (poor boy got into my face and found out that trying to intimidate your mother is not the right thing to do. but along with that slap across the face was a lecture about what will happen when he's out in society and does it to someone else ...it won't be just a slap) My 14 year old will probably do this too. And he'll get the same slap. But apart from that, so far my two youngest do not know what it's like to be hit by a parent.

I think there are well thought out reasons sometimes to give a young child a tap over the wrist . for instance if you have a young child who wants to touch a fire place or stove (you do get your determined ones.) If you give them a tap over the back of the hand and say "burnys" they get the message. Their brain is able to compute that information. Prefer that, to third degree burns.

[kazalala]

Me too Kaz. but for a different reason. I was smacked and strapped as a child for punishment not discipline. It made it easier for me to accept later in life any man who wanted to punish me. I have three sons. I don't want them learning that if you're frustrated you have a "right" to hit your wife or children. I stopped smacking my eldest when he was two years old and only once across the face when he was about 16. (poor boy got into my face and found out that trying to intimidate your mother is not the right thing to do. but along with that slap across the face was a lecture about what will happen when he's out in society and does it to someone else ...it won't be just a slap) My 14 year old will probably do this too. And he'll get the same slap. But apart from that, so far my two youngest do not know what it's like to be hit by a parent.

I think there are well thought out reasons sometimes to give a young child a tap over the wrist . for instance if you have a young child who wants to touch a fire place or stove (you do get your determined ones.) If you give them a tap over the back of the hand and say "burnys" they get the message. Their brain is able to compute that information. Prefer that, to third degree burns.

See i still cant agree with that fuzz,, even though yes i have done it! At the time i thought i had good reason,, well thought out reason,, and im not one of those that get on my high horse even now to people who believe in what they call a gentle tap or smack etc,,, i cant as i did it myself and know they think they are doing the right thing,,, In my opinion its wrong, i came to that decision on my own and still believe it now, i cant find any way at all to condone it. A child who wants to touch a fire or a stove should be watched carefully and removed away from the stove as amany times as it takes to get through to them. I once spent over an hour moving my daughter back away from the plug sockets where she wanted to stick her fingers, she was having the temper tantrum from hell and her determinatio had to be admired repeatedly going back to the socket, and me repeatedly taking her away and saying no. Its very hard but its always possible to find another way than smacking.
saying as long as you dont hit hard,, just a gentle tap ,, well whats the point if its a gentle tap? whats the point of a smack if it dont hurt? I get pretty irritated and annoyed at my husband sometimes as im sure he does with me but we dont smack each other

[Saint_]

I have to start this by saying I was raised by my dad who was in the military. Every single thing that he felt was "out of place" or did not "confirm to military" standards was rewarded by a spanking (belt and buckle included). He was, I guess, trying to "drill" into me a higher standard. There came a time that I went to school and was pulled from class to the Principales office and there were Police Officers there. They asked me how I got all black & blue and wanted me to sign some kind of paper. I refused and asked them to call my dad. My dad came and picked me up but later in life, I realized they wanted me to sign a child abuse report. My dad (who has passed away) I knew would never hurt me and to this day, I have him to thank. Some of you will say, thank him for what? Thanks for beating your child? Nope, I say to my dad, thank you for making me the strong person I am today and I strive each and every day to go above and beyond (if possible) the potential I hold within myself. He was brought up to hit and the cycle has ended.

Interestingly Jazzy, you turned out to be one of the most intelligent and focused (and I'm betting successful) people on this board. Is there a connection? I'm betting there is. Standards of conduct in a family, and especially morals and values, are not only critical, their absence is the root cause of many of the societal problems you see today!

"Spare the rod, spoil the child" says the Bible. So even our ancestors understood that certain lessons, like not running out into traffic or drinking poisons, must be learned instantly and for all time.

A quick swat on the butt carries very little real pain, but what it does do is carry monstrous embarrassment supercharged with a nervous shock. You can bet that lesson will not be forgotten. (And yes, in way, I do the same thing with my kittens - although a squirt bottle shocks them more and does not make them people-shy.)

That said, spanking is for the very young because it is an instantly understandable consequence. By the age of four or five, there are other, more creative and effective methods of discipline such as loss of privileges and grounding.

[Ahso!]

Interestingly Jazzy, you turned out to be one of the most intelligent and focused (and I'm betting successful) people on this board. Is there a connection? I'm betting there is. Standards of conduct in a family, and especially morals and values, are not only critical, their absence is the root cause of many of the societal problems you see today!

So, the problems should remain behind closed doors?

"Spare the rod, spoil the child" says the Bible. So even our ancestors understood that certain lessons, like not running out into traffic or drinking poisons, must be learned instantly and for all time.

They also thought thunder was the gods reacting to peoples behavior. I guess we should continue to believe that?

A quick swat on the butt carries very little real pain, but what it does do is carry monstrous embarrassment supercharged with a nervous shock. You can bet that lesson will not be forgotten. (And yes, in way, I do the same thing with my kittens - although a squirt bottle shocks them more and does not make them people-shy.)

Its also the non thinking persons method of communicating.

That said, spanking is for the very young because it is an instantly understandable consequence. By the age of four or five, there are other, more creative and effective methods of discipline such as loss of privileges and grounding.

Its probably more accurate to say its for the very young because they can't fight back. But be careful because they get older and everyone has to sleep - make sure your bedroom door is locked.

[Saint_]

So, the problems should remain behind closed doors?

They also thought thunder was the gods reacting to peoples behavior. I guess we should continue to believe that?

Are you saying the Bible is wrong and has no truth in it?

Its also the non thinking persons method of communicating.

Think: "non-thinking" is not a word.

Its probably more accurate to say its for the very young because they can't fight back. But be careful because they get older and everyone has to sleep - make sure your bedroom door is locked.

Are you threatened again, Ahso? You seem to be threatened by everything I say. I'm terribly sorry that you had no discipline in your family. Discipline and expectations are very necessary for a child to be successful... even in literacy skills!

ROFLMAO!