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Thread: Being taken for a ride...

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    Being taken for a ride...

    Here's several questions...

    At what point does someone take advantage of anothers good nature?
    What sort of people take someone's kindness as stupidity or weakness?
    At what point do you say to someone ' you're now taking the p.iss ?
    How do you spot a ' User ' from the outset.

    Serious answers please.

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    Re: Being taken for a ride...

    "The worst regret we have in life, is not for the wrong things we did, but for the thousands of right things we did, for the wrong people." -unknown

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    Re: Being taken for a ride...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mustang View Post
    "The worst regret we have in life, is not for the wrong things we did, but for the thousands of right things we did, for the wrong people." -unknown

    Oh how very true.

    Thanks for that Mustang. It's spot on.

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    Re: Being taken for a ride...

    Quote Originally Posted by oscar View Post
    Here's several questions...

    At what point does someone take advantage of anothers good nature?
    What sort of people take someone's kindness as stupidity or weakness?
    At what point do you say to someone ' you're now taking the p.iss ?
    How do you spot a ' User ' from the outset.

    Serious answers please.
    In order....
    Sometimes you will never know if they over step the mark.
    Some people make a career of 'using' and are good at it.
    Best not say anything............just walk away...........wiser.
    You cannot spot a goodun, you would probably be happy helping them.

    Give everybody the benefit of the doubt until such time you suss them......then just walk away with a smile.
    I thought I knew more than this until I opened my mouth

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    Re: Being taken for a ride...

    Quote Originally Posted by Bruv View Post
    In order....
    Sometimes you will never know if they over step the mark.
    Some people make a career of 'using' and are good at it.
    Best not say anything............just walk away...........wiser.
    You cannot spot a goodun, you would probably be happy helping them.

    Give everybody the benefit of the doubt until such time you suss them......then just walk away with a smile.
    Thanks

    Another question...

    The person being used Is my husband... what do you do when you can see they are being used and all their friends are telling them they are being used but they ' still feel sorry ' for the person using them?

    I have two choices... I can either let this continue until my husband has had enough or go round this persons house tomorrow and tear his face off. I'm actually all for the latter.

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    Re: Being taken for a ride...

    He needs to learn the word "NO," and use it if he himself feels used. He's an adult and shouldn't have an issue dealing with this neighbor.

    I mean no disrespect to you Oscar, but if you deal with this issue, you are thereby treating your husband as a child and fighting his battle.

    When he gets tired of this situation, I'm sure he'll stop helping this person.

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    Re: Being taken for a ride...

    Quote Originally Posted by Mustang View Post
    He needs to learn the word "NO," and use it if he himself feels used. He's an adult and shouldn't have an issue dealing with this neighbor.

    I mean no disrespect to you Oscar, but if you deal with this issue, you are thereby treating your husband as a child and fighting his battle.

    When he gets tired of this situation, I'm sure he'll stop helping this person.
    I agree wholeheartedly with that and why this has continued for so long without me stepping In thus far. Yet my husband Is just far too nice to say NO.

    Peter actually agree's with me that the guy Is taking the p.iss but still feels sorry for him.

    We have an elderly man In the street who Is struggling at the moment and I cook some batches of dinner for him, clean the house and Peter gets his shopping. This guy lives next door to him and probably having seen that, thinks he'll have some of the same. It started off with the odd trip to the shops and now months later, he's got Peter round there every single day for something. If Peter Is to say ' sorry but I won't be around tomorrow because I'll be busy all day, then the emotional blackmail starts with ' Oh but I haven't got anyone else' or ' I consider you my best friend'.

    What gets my goat Is the guy Is only 57 and yes, he does have asthma but Is bone Idle. If he asked Peter to go round there every day for shopping etc but said, ' look, come round at 9 am and then you'll have all day to yourself' I wouldn't mind but he actually tells Peter what time to come. He refuses to get up before midday and then plans his TV programmes for the day so he'll tell Peter, ' you'll have to come at 3 pm' which then cuts Into what we have planned every day. That's why I am so annoyed. We'd help anyone but It's gone from popping round there when It suits us and him being grateful for that to us arranging our day around him so It's affecting my life as well as Peter's.

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    Re: Being taken for a ride...

    It does your husband great credit that he does the decent thing regardless. I've learned the hard way that some people you need to decide are best not on have any contact with beyond being civil to them and the good opinion or otherwise of some acquaintances is not something to be concerned about. People who take advantage of you are not your friends and have no wish to be they are actually treating you with contempt at worst and indifference at best. you have to decide not to care and so does your husband.

    We have a neighbour like that - disabled who asked myself and my wife if we would take a key and otherwise be available should they need it. Since we both worked and had relatives of our own to worry about I said no. ( my wife - who she asked separately - dissembled a bit more not wanting to hurt their feeling I was a bit more abrupt about it ). Another neighbour who agreed finds himself being called on at odd times of the night for shopping etc even when they have someone staying with them.

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    Re: Being taken for a ride...

    Quote Originally Posted by gmc View Post
    It does your husband great credit that he does the decent thing regardless. I've learned the hard way that some people you need to decide are best not on have any contact with beyond being civil to them and the good opinion or otherwise of some acquaintances is not something to be concerned about. People who take advantage of you are not your friends and have no wish to be they are actually treating you with contempt at worst and indifference at best. you have to decide not to care and so does your husband.

    We have a neighbour like that - disabled who asked myself and my wife if we would take a key and otherwise be available should they need it. Since we both worked and had relatives of our own to worry about I said no. ( my wife - who she asked separately - dissembled a bit more not wanting to hurt their feeling I was a bit more abrupt about it ). Another neighbour who agreed finds himself being called on at odd times of the night for shopping etc even when they have someone staying with them.
    See you had the foresight to see where that would end. That's the problem with Users... we start off thinking ' oh It's just an hour a week getting a bit of shopping for him' then they take advantage.
    With this guy, when my husband went to the shops for him, It'd be 200 ciggs and 20 cans of beer and that would last him the week. Now he asks my husband to just get him 20 or 40 knowing It's a reason for him to have to go back day after day. Then when he gets there, It's ' oh, can you just make me a sandwich ' or can you just put the bins out etc etc. Every time It's a little bit more and more.
    He tried Insisting we had a key to the house and I said no.
    What angers me so much Is that he Is well aware of my husbands health. At this stage I need to point out that my husband Is a great deal older than me, but my husband Is nearly 70 years old, deemed Terminal and coping with one lung and an Oxygen Intake of 46. He has a short prognosis and this guy seems to believe that my husbands last year on this planet should be spent on him.
    I've also tried to explain to this guy that we're not a couple of saddo's sitting around all day with nothing to do. I am up at 5.30 am and start my first job at 7 am. We have priorities which Is job, family, other friends, social life, ( horse racing ) etc etc but this guy Is acting like he's our priority.
    I really am at that point where I tell him to F*** off.

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    Re: Being taken for a ride...

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    Quote Originally Posted by oscar View Post
    I agree wholeheartedly with that and why this has continued for so long without me stepping In thus far. Yet my husband Is just far too nice to say NO.

    Peter actually agree's with me that the guy Is taking the p.iss but still feels sorry for him.

    We have an elderly man In the street who Is struggling at the moment and I cook some batches of dinner for him, clean the house and Peter gets his shopping. This guy lives next door to him and probably having seen that, thinks he'll have some of the same. It started off with the odd trip to the shops and now months later, he's got Peter round there every single day for something. If Peter Is to say ' sorry but I won't be around tomorrow because I'll be busy all day, then the emotional blackmail starts with ' Oh but I haven't got anyone else' or ' I consider you my best friend'.

    What gets my goat Is the guy Is only 57 and yes, he does have asthma but Is bone Idle. If he asked Peter to go round there every day for shopping etc but said, ' look, come round at 9 am and then you'll have all day to yourself' I wouldn't mind but he actually tells Peter what time to come. He refuses to get up before midday and then plans his TV programmes for the day so he'll tell Peter, ' you'll have to come at 3 pm' which then cuts Into what we have planned every day. That's why I am so annoyed. We'd help anyone but It's gone from popping round there when It suits us and him being grateful for that to us arranging our day around him so It's affecting my life as well as Peter's.
    I've got to laugh, Oscar but wouldn't it be great for you to just put on your happy face, go over to that neighbor at an early hour and when he starts pouting just tell him that Peter isn't well today and you are at his service, now! That if he needs anything, it's now or not at all and keep doing that for a few days, at his off hours that he expects Peter to come running.

    Until Peter can use to word no, this issue will continue.

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